in my essay, i wrote "she enrolled in kindergarten"but tehn the teacher corrected the sentence"she enrolled in a kindergatren"is it really necessray to add "a"??i really dont know when am i supposed to use "a"
then, i wrote something like "trajectory of success"and she circled "trajectory" too...what wrong with that word??
i wrote "i told her all the secret things i dared not share with otehr people"she canceled "dared"and wrote "dare".i dont know if i am wrong but shouldnt that be in past tense??
i wrote "but nowadays, stories of these people emerged as inspirations to many of us" she canceled "nowadays" and wrote "today"she underlined "these people" and put "one of these" and she also canceled the word "emerged" and changed "many of us" to "us"
what is really wrong with my essay????
2007-05-23 00:06:01 · 5 answers · asked by applepie 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
I essentially agree with JDW above, except that I still use 'nowadays' and don't consider it archaic (though some people consider me archaic).
It may be argued that you 'enroll in A school', but I believe that the term 'enroll in school' is firmly established in English and is suitable for formal writing.
I think 'trajectory of success' is a good metaphor, assuming the context supports it.
The change of 'many of us' to 'us' was a substantive revision of what you said, not just a correction, again assuming the context supports that.
The replacement of 'these people' by 'one of these' may have some basis - would need full context to determine.
In short, these appear to be hypercorrections. However, there is one I probably would make.
That correction would be "she enrolled in kindergarten." I would think someone of that age did not perform the action herself and would change that to passive voice: "she was enrolled in..."
2007-05-24 09:30:52 · answer #1 · answered by dollhaus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somethings she said were right... Others don't sound right to me.
She enrolled in a kindergarten CLASS maybe. But kindergarten can stand alone.
Trajectory is spelled right but I would have to know what context you used. If you meant the path or progression of success, then it is correct.
"I told her all the secrets I dare not share with other people," is more correct.
Nowadays isn't a word but more of a slang term people began to use a while back. Today or presently is better for your essay. The rest of that sentence sounds fine the way it is.
You should switch teachers... or at least tough it out until the school year is up.
2007-05-23 07:20:27 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Moran 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
right check this out
1) "a kindergarten" is correct, just like you enrol in a school, not in school.
2) trajectory of success doesnt sound correct, maybe you wanted to say something else and used the word trajectory instead.
3) dare not share is correct.
4) the corrections for para 4 are all correct.
to sum it up my dear, essay writing is different to penning down thoughts. in an essay, you show your literary skills, therefore your teacher has pointed out the "literary" mistakes, nothing else.
Hope this helps.
2007-05-23 07:16:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anir 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
None of the corrections your teacher made represent a grammatical error on your part. Instead, it looks like your teacher is merely expressing a preference for how to express certain things.
Frankly, I disagree with almost all of your teacher's comments--the only one that I think is defensible is his or her substitution of "today" for "nowadays," a word which is becoming archaic.
2007-05-23 08:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by jdw15217 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She sounds like she flunked English.
2007-05-23 07:09:26 · answer #5 · answered by fatboycool 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋