My husband was 22 when we married 19 years ago. I am older than him, but at the time he was so keen to marry me he said he was 5 years older than he is. We have a daughter who is 17. In the last 5 years he has been restless and says things like he has never lived alone, that he feels stifled. When I asked to control my finances he saw this as a sign of not being committed and our problems escalated. I found out 18 months ago that he was having an affair, he says it was a mistake. He moved out of our home and I transformed myself by losing weight, spending money on my appearance and regained some of my youth. I think this confused him and also because he feels duty bound to our daughter to finish school etc, plus he has a half share in our house, but he comes back 4 days a week and now makes out he lives away because its nearer to his job. He is making an effort with me by spending more time with me, by giving me more consideration. but says he needs more time before moving back in.
2007-05-22 23:37:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going to answer this question the same as the other question:
I am very shocked that you are going along with all of this.
making him jealous/playing games is not the mature way to go about this.
why not just tell him you want a full-time husband or none at all and slam the door in his face. you deserve better than what he is giving you. And you don't have to even feel guilty that he may be homeless because he has his own apartment to go to.
it is not necessarily a mistake if you want him back, but it is a mistake to let everything be on his terms. It should all be on your terms for he is the one who cheated on you. I think one of your terms should be that you both attend marital counseling first before deciding to let him back in your home.
be strong enough to where you make him earn your trust again. JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM DOESN'T MEAN YOU BECOME HIS DOORMAT. But first you have to love yourself enough to not accept this from him.
2007-05-23 01:18:19 · answer #1 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you've moved on and now that he's realising what he's missing he wants you back - I'm not hearing that you want him back though - so how do you feel about him? If the love is gone there's nothing stopping you from telling him it's over and moving on with your life and the chance of finding happiness with someone else. It seems like he has had issues stemming from getting married too young and I think that he really needs to work out what he wants before he has the right to ask you for another chance. He cheated on you do you really want to risk being cheated on again when he changes his mind?
I say move on and enjoy your new freedom!
Good luck to you whatever your decision may be
2007-05-23 06:46:17 · answer #2 · answered by AllyKat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I think you'd be doing yourself a big favour if you read the book 'why men love bitches'. It'll give you all the advice, guidance, inspiration and courage you need to handle your predicament. The book isn't about being a '*****'......its about making sure that you respect yourself, enforce boundaries and then the men in your life will either respect you or they'll disappear out of your life. It's one of the best books I've ever read. It's just a pity it isn't given to all 15 year old girls in school and then we wouldn't ever become doormats. You can order it online from amazon.com. It'll become your bible. I can't give you advice cause I don't have the experience of your life but the book will gently 'guide' you.
Be brave and good luck!
2007-05-23 06:53:56 · answer #3 · answered by samsara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he cheated on you and your still with him. You need to concentrate on yourself and your daughter. I cannot believe he actually had the audacity to tell you he is not ready to move in, when hes the one that cheated on you, he is working on his time. But let him know it does not work that way he broke your marriage vows and now want to go on his pace. Tell him it does not work like that he needs to scoot, and you get yourself back in the game do things you like, and please do not take him back your daughter is almost an adult she can cope and will be able to understand. Think about you and look in the future, you do not need/want to stay with a cheating husband, think about the message you are sending to your daughter. That it is ok for a guy to cheat on his wife then have the choice/decision to say whether or not he wants to move back in. Hell no, show him who is boss, show him that you are confident and can get any man you choose to get. Divorce him, he took the first step now you have to make the last.
simone
2007-05-23 06:53:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a time limit. If he is not back in the home by that time, file for a divorce. He may just be waiting until the child is of age so that he will not have to pay child support.
2007-05-23 06:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's STILL having the affair! He doesn't want to come back, because he has both YOU, and HER, at once. You need to show him the door...for good!!
2007-05-23 07:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by coffee56man 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasting time with him. He's keeping you on an emotional roller coaster and thinks nothing of it.
2007-05-23 07:31:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-05-25 03:14:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋