Is my friend tight?

Question

I went out with my friend on a bike ride yesterday. We pulled up by the side of a path for a break. I opened my bag up to get my water. There were my tyre levers, my pump, my valves, my sandwiches but nowhere could I see my water. I'd forgot to pack it.

My friend was, at that tme, enjoying a draught of his own water from his full bottle (about a 3/4L bottle). I asked if I could have a drink from his but he refused on the grounds that he had only brought enough water for himself. He suggested that, instead, I go to a nearby pub and ask for a glass of water there.

Can anyone think of a reason why his decision was justified?

I'm posting this in philosophy to encourage a deeper analysis than I might have got in the 'friends' section.

Answer 1

Your "friend" has given you a good insight into his/her internal world, you asked for a deeper insight - others have tried to justify the selfish nature with excuses "he may have had a cole sore" "he might not have liked drinking from the same bottle" but you were given a clear message "there is only enough for me" yet there is plenty of water in the pub for you.
i guess in your friends internal world, there is a deep fear or anxiety about not having enough water (for whatever reason) for him/herself thus you could not have any.
its good to know these charicteristics of those we choose to "give" our friendship to. (isnt that what friendship is about, GIVING - time, love, space, a kind word, a strong shoulder, a sympathetic ear or WATER???) Not in your "friends" case!
You have to ask yourself is this the kind of friend you want? someone who has a selfish, unsharing nature, if its ok with you then at least you have questioned this incident. my guess is that you are someone who is generous thats why you are questioning this selfish act.
hope this helps you.

Answer 2

You probably wont see this answer because it's so far down but...

Personally I am afraid of germs. I don't get sick very often and this is because I am very careful. Now, not only would you both be drinking from the same bottle but you also will be depositing some of your saliva into his water. What I would have done is drank as much as I needed and left some for you to drink or, if there was a lot of water, give you the bottle and buy my own (water isnt more than a £1!)

As for your friend, it's hard to tell if he was 'tight' simply because you don't know his reason for doing so. Also by calling him tight because of this would mean that every person who has refused to give a friend something, is tight which is not true as we all have our reasons for doing things.

Answer 3

Hi,

I don't know if you have had similar experiences with other 'friends' before this. However, if you don't make it about the 'water' then it would appear to reflect the type of friends you are attracting into your life.

If all relationships are exact mirrors of the relationships we have with ourselves, then this would highlight a need for you to be kinder and more generous with yourself.

Be a great friend to yourself first and then you will probably find you will attract new people into your life that reflect this new way you want to feel about yourself.

I'd have given you all my water had you asked for it!

Take care of you first and let others be who they are without it upsetting you! It's not your fault your friend can't share and it isn't because of you you are - its their stuff.

Hope this helps a little bit.

Try 'Dark Side of the Light Chasers' by Debbie Ford.

Sarah x

Answer 4

I have myself come across this sort of reaction with friends, and when you personally know that you would share it is a absolute shock that someone else would not, the thing is we are not all the same. I had a friend who would borrow allsorts from me dvds cds even borrow money and I was quite ok with this because I always assumed that if i was to ask her, she would lend me, Untill I finally did ask one day to borrow a dvd and to my absolute shock she refused saying that she didnt lend her stuff out!!! I could not believe her attitude the thing is I had never tested our friendship before I sort of thought i knew her but I really didnt. You should approach your friend about this, even though some might say it was only over water, exactly, thats what I say!!! ... This friend has revealed some of his true self which you either accept and carry on your friendship, Approach him and see if he regrets it, or distance yourself from someone so selfish. The thing is his decision is not justified but he saw things only from his point of view, which without being rude is probably how he approaches everything in life.Do you need a friend like that?

Answer 5

I think his answer was callous, insensitive, and his action selfish. Maybe he was afraid you'd drink more than he wanted you to, and his refusal was to protect his well being. I would have dismissed his selfishness, and turned my bike around and headed home. Ill bet you don't forget to bring water again when you go biking. As well, I would cross this guy off my list. He is the type of person who will hoard supplies for use in case there is some sort of disaster, and refuse to share. Poor thing. You don't need him in your life.

Answer 6

Simple, the water could have something just him wanted to drink. Check it out.

Answer 7

Maybe he genuinely believed that there wouldn't be enough water for him. Our evolutionary instincts do tell us that we save ourselves above others; if he felt there was a chance of dehydration, he could justify no allowing you any.

Answer 8

Maybe he has a phobia about germs and does not want to share his water with you or anybody else as he thinks that there may be a chance that you could transfer germs to him.

Answer 9

He could have at least given you some of his water if he had nearly a litre. C'mon, who drinks a litre of water in one go?
Sounds just selfish to me.

Answer 10

Maybe he is weird about people drinking from the same bottle as him....although he could have saved you some.