Should I be jealous, angry and questioning???

Question

I've been married 2 years, been together almost 7. I've caught him cheating in the past, found emails from girls etc. We got married, I found more sexual content emails to and from another girl, that stopped, noe I found text messages to and from this new girl he works with. I don't know what he wrote, but the stuff she wrote got me upset and very worried. They've exchanged numbers, he said it was innocent, but things have happened in the past and I can't trust that! He get's defensive when I question him, he's not affectionate toward me at all anymore. I am mentally and physically exhausted from dealing with this stuff. He changed his email, changed passwords, and gets angry and raises his voice to me for trying to talk things out. Should he have told me about this girl and the texts? He said he blows her off, but I saw his bill and I must have counted about 40+ text message to and from, I even saw a few phone calls on there! What should I do? Forgive him AGAIN? Pls help!

He promised to stop, because before we got married I left him for a while, he begged, pleaded, got on his knees! We have 2 children together, and it is hard! I gave him his second chance! And When I saw the text messages, I did call her and left a nasty message. She is married and she knows my husband is married! I found out they've been chatting back and forth for a month now. I got these bad gut feelings, so I started checking everything, and found a lot of stuff! I checked emails, cell phone, everything! I am a stay at home mom, he supports me financially but not emotionally or physically! He promised to stop talking to her, I went under if phone account and blocked her number with out him knowing! half of me wants to end everything, the other half does not

Answer 1

Once someone cheats it is never the same. He knows that you have lost faith in him and it was his fault. If he really loved and respected you he would be doing everything in his power to prove to you that he is trustworthy instead of doing things that hurt you. You can do better. Dump him.

Answer 2

Ok, you know that this is what he does and you are enabling him. I am going to be honest because I have gone through this and hard truth is always better even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.So I am not trying to be a bi*ch.
Firstly, by you taking him back in the past or not staying away when you found out he was cheating, you have unconscientiously given him permission to do this again. You not only gave him permission, you married him!! He has NO incentive to stay honest because you knew what he was like before and you STILL married him. I know it is hard and marriage takes work, but both of you need to be committed to making it work and a man that disrespects you enough to carry on..even if only by text... is not a man that respects you enough to work for this.
He doesn't want to talk about it, isn't affectionate and has enough power over you to make you break down mentally and physically. What does he do for you?? Why do you need him if this is what you get?

The biggest step is stepping back to look in. Imagine being a stranger(like me) looking in your window.Would you be happy with what I see, or would you be embarrassed by the lack of dignity you have left. Only you have the power to take back your life and give it to someone who is worthy.

I hope you step back and look in soon. My thoughts are with you. Be well :)

Answer 3

I am surprised that you are still with him even when you already seen those red flags before you two got married. Instead, you just ignored his problems that he had. So now you are stuck with this man and he is still doing the same thing!

He is not to be trusted with what he is doing now. He sure has you fooled, otherwise, you would have done something about it. Plus, why should he had even tell you about the girl and the texts when you already had proof?

I really think that your marriage is on the rocks. If he doesn't do away with this girl, then either you tell him to leave or you leave him. I really think you married the wrong man, especially when you already knew what kind of 'player' he was.

Answer 4

It is time to "blow him off" as he says. Cheating is not acceptable--particularly numerous times. You need to leave him and find a guy that will love and RESPECT you. You deserve better than this jerk. He is playing you for a fool. And up until now, you have been looking just like the fool he treats you like.

40+ texts?? Doesn't appear to be "blowing her off" to me. Wake up, girl. He is still cheating, and will continue to do so. He already knows that he can get by with it.

Leave him and file for divorce. Don't even warn him. Wait until he leaves for work one day, and move. Have everything ready in advance. Clean out the checking accounts and saving accounts. (He has probably already spent his half on other women) Don't forget to ask for alimony!!! He will come to you crying and promising you the world---DON'T FALL FOR IT!!! Be smarter than that. You deserve a good life--go for it!!! Good Luck.

Answer 5

Tell him that the more is not the merrier. He made a vow to be true to you, tell him to get with the program and if he isn't planning to cheat then get his hand out of the electronic cookie jar.
Let him know that first its the emails then it's dinner, followed by lipstick on his collar all started by an innocent flirtation.
Tell him if he wants to play with fire, he should perhaps consider a career in fire safety. Arrrgh.
The only good thing about electronic cheating is there's no disease associated with it unless his computer gets a virus.
Tell him hot mail is not for married men.
Tell him that if he misses being single, then you see divorce court in his future.
Clearly, your husband needs a cybergal.
By the way, is she single or married? Then again, it really doesn't matter, either way, it's bad.
Emotional cheating, even via the 'puter is not good. Any time he spends with her is time taken from your relationship.
Good husbands comfort their wives, they do not cause pain by sending emails to other women.

Darn technology!

Answer 6

The next time a female contacts him write back to her, but don't let her know you're husband's wife. Pretend you are him and say sexual things. If he get text messages, coast the person to the computer and chat with her. If you sense of his cheating after that, make a copy of the conversation to give to your husband, and keep a copy for yourself.

Then it's time for you go on a retreat by yourself. If you can go to your mother's home or friend who you trust. This will give your husband a chance to decide if he wants to continue the marriage, and for you to make decisions for yourself as well. Don't allow a man make a fool out of you. If you have a lot of love to give, give it to someone who will give you in return!

God Bless

Answer 7

Uhhmmmm...hard to tell.
I've been there even not to my hubby, but my bf.
It was my fault (or blessed) to check his cell phone when he's not around. I found few sms that indicate 'something going wrong'.
I start questioning his loyalty and he was being more and more defensive. It hurted me that he was angry when I'm asking about that thing. I thought he will say sorry and try to blow off that girl.

But I guess it is 'a bit normal' for guy to buy 'bad girl's offers'.

So perhaps you have to calm down a bit and see the progress. If he keeps doing that, perhaps you have to talk to your hubby and find out the way out.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear this. In my opinion once they have cheated and you have forgiven them, both men and women, tend to think that they can continue to cheat and you will always take them back. If you have enough evidence that something inappropriate is going on, I would give him a choice. Counseling or divorce. And you need to stand by this. I am sure that you are a kind hearted person, other wise you wouldn't have forgiven him in the past. You deserve someone that will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

Answer 9

I think that his behavior is secretive, questionable and at best, odd. you are his wife and you should be the one he is texting. i don't think men change- and he has gotten away with it before. maybe several times. maybe you should seriously think about what makes you stay. what about you and what makes you happy? if there is no trust in the relationship how can there be peace, love or happiness? i think you derserve more than a raised voice and evasive maneuvers. you know? he should be all about you. yes, be jealous, angry and questioning. if it isn't right then why are you trying save it? you deserve an open and honest marriage and a man that respects you. nothing in his actions speak of respect or honor. believe in yourself and put yourself first. life is too short and YOU ARE SPECIAL. if he doesn't see it then be open to a life where you are that important to someone.

Answer 10

Good grief , how much are you willing to take, if i were you I would have been long gone by now, obviously he doesn't have the least amount of respect for you, and if you keep putting up with it all, even if you you love him him, your only proving you have little to no respect for your self as well. Trust me, there are a million men out their in the world just like him, Take your chances and leave him, rebuild yourself starting with the inside, and when you have taken care of yourself, then you can start looking for Mr. Right, cause it is clear he is not it.

Answer 11

OK where do I begin??? Going on everything you have just said , let me say this....Once a cheater always a cheater!!!!
I think you already know whats going on or you wouldn't be so"mentally and physically exhausted". If you can't trust him the relationship isn't worth much.... so let him go. Use this experience as a learning tool for a new relationship, and move on. There are so many good guys out there!!! It's going to be hard at first, but it will get better and you will find someone new who will love and cherish you like you deserve to be!!!


That said let me tell you what I would do:
1) I would lay low. Don't question him about anything...act like everything is fine and dandy. Your happy as could be :) !!!! This is going to throw him for a loop, he is going to get comfortable and feel safe doing what he's doing.
2) Now while he is out acting like a fool you need to get busy!!! You need info. Knowledge is power!!! You want to make 2 copies of all his cell phone bills, old and new. Highlight all the calls he makes to the girl and from the girl. You are going to want to keep these in a very safe place!!! Not at your house or in your car. Leave them at your parents or friends house.
3) If you can afford it hire a private detective...do it. I can't so I would do it myself. Get a camera that takes good pictures and has a zoom focus on it. Now follow him!!! When he is suppose to be at work...check and make sure. What time does he go to lunch? Be there make sure he's going alone or at least not with her. When he gets off of work...be there to see where he's going and who's with him. Now when he goes out ...you are going to need help. Get your best friend to help you. When you see he's getting ready...call her add have a code so she knows to come over and follow him. Do you get where Im going with this? Take as many pictures of him with her as you can. One at her house would be great. Develop and make two copies.
3) By now some time has gone by. You should have a decent pile of info. You need to decide at this point what you want to do with it. You have two options. If he has anything worth taking house, money, investments, etc. I would do the following: Make a nice dinner and be dressed really pretty when he gets home from work. Calmly, have dinner together. Half way through it you need to excuse your self and go to the bathroom and call your friends and family who you will have standing by waiting... to come over. When they get there you should be almost done and then you hand him the first copy of info you have collected. Explain to him that his cheating is not acceptable to you and you will not tolerate it anymore. You are better than that!!! The papers you have handed him are his to keep, your attorney has your copy and will be contacting him shortly. Tell him that your going out to celebrate, him leaving, and that when you get home he will not be there. Now as your leaving your need to turn around and look at him and say....Im really glad we can both be happy now, by the way you may not feel so well in an hour. Leave... the mental anguish he is going through will be bad!!! Not only have you left him, but you just poisoned him!!! Your not goingto, but he doesn't know that.
Option B:
Now if he doesnt have anything worth taking you can still use the info. Your going to need it in court. You can just leave him, take the high road, be free and move on ...happy that you stood up for yourself. Or you can go find that ***** and beat the crap out of her. (Doing this will put you in jail!!! But Im sure you will be smiling the whole time and you will feel soooo much better.)
EITHER WAY YOU STILL GOT THE LAST WORD!!!!!