He is not a bad hasband, but now I dont see my self with him forever(defination of midlife crisis I guess). I dont want to ruin the home as we have kids. please advise.
2007-05-22 17:41:26 · 11 answers · asked by needHelp 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tough one. to really answer this question and it be meaningful, I would need to know a couple of more things: For instance, do you still feel any "romance" or "chemistry" between you two? Or is it a matter that life seems to be passing you bye, and you wonder what it would have been like if you had done this or that or been with this guy or gone to that place or another? Also, how old are your children? Are they old enough to notice that things are not what they used to be or not?
Okay...without knowing your answers to the above, here is my answer to you. I'm going to assume your kids have no clue, and that you want to stay married and you don't want to see him hurt, but that you need to "restore your feelings" so that you can carry on with your life. I think every married person goes through this from time to time and it doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. Sometimes it is just a matter of being noticed by another man or flirting with another man that can restore your feelings. sometimes just having another man (good looking & nice) to talk to and get to know can be all it takes to get you back right. Maybe you just need a little adventure but not one that is going to destroy your marriage or make you feel guilty like an affair. Take a little trip to the beach or a cruise or go out on the town for the night with one or two girlfriends. Call it girls night out. Lay the ground rules down with your hubby... assure him nothing will happen. Lot of couples do this. No big deal. Maybe the guys play poker and the girls go out to a hip bar, have a few drinks, throw darts. Innocent and harmless. But maybe also at the hip bar you and your girlfriend toss darts with a couple handsome guys, flirt a little and have fun. Just tell yourself at the outset how far you will take it, and go no further. If your job takes you out of town or if you live in the suburbs and work in the city, it can be a lot easier. Take you a book and go to Starbucks and have a late; it is amazing the interesting people you can meet. in your case, put your best lip gloss on and be prepared to smile at every handsome guy you see. You will know the ones; they want be wearing their wedding rings. They will be single or "pretending to be single", either way it shouldn't matter to you because you are not looking for an affair...just some friendly conversation, some manly attention and some harmless flirtation. Remember, to draw your line in your mind before you start. In this way, nobody gets hurt, you have your fun and adventure, and you stay loyal and faithful to your husband and family. Good luck and have fun! Don't make this a bigger deal than it has to be...remember, you are just recharging your batteries!
2007-05-22 18:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by sky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Midlife crisis is such a broad topic. First of all you need to realize that the concept of mid life means "halfway thru your life". So if you're 30, do you think your life will be all over at 60? I know you heard the saying the grass looks greener on the other side. Well, step outside .......... look for a yard that looks greener than yours. Then walk over, stand on it and look down. Surprise! It's no greener than yours. It has the same bald spots and dead grass matted in just like yours. This is what will happen when you try to trade up in your marriage. Running won't help, stay with those that love you and tackle the problem as a family.
You need a hobby.
2007-05-22 17:57:03 · answer #2 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm not one to say you should stick it out no matter how unhappy you are, but you SHOULD know that life isn't just going to turn all gummy bears and bunny rabbits once you leave him and reenter the single world.
For one thing, you've got kids. Lots of men do not like to enter into a dating situation where they have to deal with kids, even if it's not a primary custody situation. And you can forget about most younger never-married men giving you a second glance because of the kid issue. Unfair perhaps, but that's just the way it is.
Another thing is, the single world is still dog eat dog even in the retread market. Divorced guys are going to be looking to trade in for a much younger and often fitter model, and that means you're going to have to hit the ground running to compete.
Finally, don't kid yourself that transitioning back into the dating world will go off without a hitch. You've been out of the game for some years now, and it's highly likely that your dating interpersonal skills are rusty from years of not having to employ them in "the game".
So if you're going to take the plunge toward separation/divorce you really ought to be sure that you're committed to doing it, because it's not a cakewalk out there in the single retread market. You should be mentally prepared to spend a significant amount of time alone and deal with loneliness if you decide to move on in search of greener pastures.
2007-05-22 18:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as 'mid-life-crises'. There's such a thing as pre-menopause or menopause. You might want to have yourself checked for hormonal balance with your doctor.
Plus, if you want to stay married and for the sake of your kids, then the best thing you can do for your kids is to stay with your husband and do what it takes to fix the problem you are having rather than taking the easy way out like most marriages do. You two are married for 'better or for worse'. Please teach that to your kids by setting that example to them by sticking to those vows you made with your husband.
2007-05-22 18:23:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you should know that the feeling is the same no matter who you are with. You have plateaued. Instead of looking inside, you pick on him out of convenience.
Be advised. A piece of fabric is not the same once torn. The same applies to the family fabric.
2007-05-22 18:10:47 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried seeing a therapist and/or reading books about midlife crisis and marriage issues... Give it a shot, it might help...
2007-05-22 17:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want change, get a hobbie or a new job. Take a vacation, do not face divorce as simply as these few words. I also am mid life, and I value my family history, love brought you this far, rekindle your prayer relationship with Christ and ask for healing. Life is short, family is precious.
2007-05-22 17:56:41 · answer #7 · answered by kim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
spend more time with girlfriends, get a hobby, and give the feeling time to pass. jus tell him you have some personal problems to deal with, and you need a little bit of space. maybe you cant see yourself with him forever rite now, but what would you do without him in your life, and less involvement in your kids' lives?
2007-05-22 17:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by Shane-O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well get yourself something to do.Get your mind off to that matter its not healthy make yourself busy with other things like gardening its so relaxing..You can get your mind out of that issue.
2007-05-22 17:46:20 · answer #9 · answered by siverdust 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THERE IS NO ROOM IN A MARRIAGE FOR SELFISHNESS YOU LEAVING AND CAUSE HEART ACH FOR YOUR WHOLE FLY ISNT THE ANSWER TRY FINDING OUT WHY U THINK YOU ARENT HAPPY AND TALK TO HIM IF HES NOT ABOUSING YOU OR CHEATING THEN WHY WOULDNT YOU WANT TO WORK ON THE RUFF SPOTS AND TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR ALL
2007-05-22 17:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋