wife has no sex drive at all?

Question

My wife has no sex drive at all, she has never initiated it since we have been together (about 10 years), I think it will get better but it doesn't She uses sex as a tool, she will have sex with me but I have to pull teeth and she blames her low libido on things that I have done a long time ago. She knows how much sex means to me but again says it's my fault, if I knew she would be like this I would never have married her. A person needs to feel as if they are desired and I feel as if I am undesirable, so I am going to look outside of my marriage to find a woman who makes me feel I am desirable

Answer 1

Do you have children? If not, divorce her and go looking for the woman you really want. If you have children, the same divorce idea goes, but you will be tied to her until the youngest is 18, at least. (I'm talking about your kids college graduation, weddings, etc.) Of course you could suggest counseling to her. Half the women on here will probably ask for your address. LOL

Answer 2

First question do you have children? Sometimes after childbirth a women never gets her same sex drive back. If that’s the case it’s partly your fault. I am a mommy of twins and I’ll tell you right now by the end of an 18 hour day, sex is the last thing on my mind.All i want is sleep.
Second question Do you make you wife feel desirable, other then when YOU want to have sex?

You looking outside the marriage will not help, you having sex with another is not going to make you wife want to have sex with you, it will more then likely make her never want to have sex with you again. I find it hard to believe that you truly love your wife. It sounds to me like sex was the only reason you married her.I think you really need to sit down and think hard about what you want and if going outside the marriage is still what you want you need to tell your wife so she can leave you, and find someone who will love her for who she is and not what she does in the bed.

Answer 3

it doesnt sound like you give your wife any reason to want to have sex with you.what did you do a long time ago? if there are trust issues because you lied or cheated or you have a porn addiction or other secret it is your fault and you know it! you have to make your wife want you!the effort you would waste on a w hore is better used to save your marriage.when was the last time you gave your wife a passionate kiss? women like that a lot ! if you dont spend some time warming her up of course there will be no intrest.she probaly gives as good as she gets,think about that.cheating is not the answer.is your wife going through menopause? if so she may need hormones ,go with her to the doctor.this thing you did must have been pretty bad did you even try to apologize for it or do you think it was no big thing and she needs to get over it? if thats how you feel she knows it and thats the problem she cant trust you because you still feel you did nothing wrong so she fears you will do it again,right? good luck.adultery is a sin.

Answer 4

In the first place, maybe she likes you initiating. It could be that she likes you chasing her. In the second place it could be that 1. she is under to much stress,kids, health,financial. 2.or maybe she has a health issue that she has no control over that needs to be checked out and talked over by a Doctor.3 Maybe the both of you have issue in discerning that you can be desirable with out jumping into the bed.
I dont think that you finding another woman to make you feel desirable is going to solve the problem, it can and probably will make it worse. I promise you that when your present wife finds out about this, it will make you feel worse that you have ever felt,the gulit and etc will eat at you like a cancer and being desirable will be the last thing you want to feel.
The best thing you can do, is to find out why from your wife, if she doesnt know then maybe as I said before, she may can get help with a Dr.

Answer 5

Why be stupid?
you do not need to go outside of your marriage what you need to do is get to the bottom of the reason why your wife has no sex drive. Talk to a sex counselor. When you married you wife you agreed for better or for worst. A real man would get solutions, it takes a punk to run. What did you do along time ago?
Don't be a punk be a man!

Answer 6

Well I am pretty sure that she was this way prior to your marriage.But I really feel that at some point or another women go thru things in there life and well the sex drive is usually the one effected.I feel sex does play a very important part.BUT not all (as I am sure you know).If you are starting to think it might be possible for you to be a stray then you need to let your wife know this is a serious issue for you and you would like some compromising.

Answer 7

First counseling is needed, for all those issues, seperate and together.
Part of the fun of marriage is truly dicovering your partner in everyway maybe this will help open her eyes to what she stands to lose, and that the past is gone gone and you are no longer the man who did ..whatever it was you did.
Don't look outside your marriage, you are right everyone should feel they are desirable in marriage, but at least try to work on this before you make decisions you can't take back.

Best of luck to you...and I hope things turn out well.

Answer 8

I'm a woman I think that before you look outside your marriage you should leave your wife first then look. Have you told her your going to look around if not think of her response maybe if you tell her she will stop using sex as a tool, maybe she will change. Have you apologized to her for your mistakes? all in all if your rethinking your marriage and there is no repair devorce is the awnser.

Answer 9

Wow.....I feel for you dude. Don't really know what to say. Maybe marriage counseling. If you are going out looking for someone who will make you feel like a "man", maybe you should separate so she can't get you for adultery. It sounds like you have enough problems as it is, if she is blaming you for something in the past that is not healthy. Separate......Do you have children? Hopefully they are old enough to understand that the reason you are doing what you doing is not because of them but, because of your relationship with your wife. I think it's cruel when the mate uses sex as a weapon. Not cool at all. Good Luck in your new life.

Answer 10

Sounds like your at the end of your rope. Do yourself a favor, get the big "D" first before looking for companionship.

If you cheat on her, you'll always be a cheater and a scumbag even if she drove you to it.

If you dump her, get rid of the baggage of your marriage then move on you'll be able to do it free and with a clear conscience. Two wrongs don't make a right.