my husband's family creates havic in my household. i have always welcomed them into my home EVEN THOUGH they are insultive to me and show no consideration for my feelings. My husband makes excuses for their behavior and although he agrees that they are VERY inconsiderate he says he wasn't raised to stand up to them. we've been married for almost 6 years and have one child together. we always fight when his family comes around. I don't feel I should have to spend the rest of my life being treated poorly by these people... WHAT SHOULD I DO?
2007-05-22 17:01:06 · 8 answers · asked by JayneDoe 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His family treated me fine before we were married their poor treatment only occurs when they come to this state to visit. in all of the years that we were dating i only saw them once (when we went there for a one day visit).
2007-05-22 17:07:02 · update #1
wow.... you will love my story hun!.. i was engaged to my fiance for a yr and a half.. we were supposed to get married this month.. i broke off the wedding 10 days prior to us getting married... believe me it was not an easy decision but had to be done...
at first they loved me .. they would get real happy when they would see me come around and my fiance even told me several times before that he never saw his mom so excited wih any of his other gf's.. which i found very weird.. so time passed and he proposed to me and that was it.. they changed with me and she became very distant.. everyone in his fam but his dad.. we planned our wedding by ourselves practically... and they never cared to see what was going on with our plans.. i held so much inside.. she would act rude w/me, treat me like i was a nobody just the way she would talk.. like if she was angry with me.. well it was until we went to do our fittings that she and her daughter really proved to me that they did not want her son to marry me.. they were making comments about the dresses... bout the color, bout everything.. it was so embarrassing... but the best was when my fiance took his moms side.. thats when i said this is it..
you have to talk to your husband.. tell him that he should give u ur place as his wife.. you need to really let him know that it DOES bother you... they need to cut the cord already .. one thing is respect for his fam and another being a mommys boy... i thank god that this happened to me before... u need to talk to him because ur already married and have a fam... if he doesnt change he never will...
ill tell you this much.. we even talked to our priest and even my fiance told him how much she overprotected him.... and still he let her come on the middle of us..
but his fam needs to know that he is not ok w/ it!! but he needs to do this if he really loves u and does not wanna lose u!
be strong hun! if it does not work out.. believe me ... you will find someone that gives you ur place as the woman in his life..
2007-05-22 17:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby I was going throught the same situation I told my husband that I would never make him choose between me and his family but it comes a point when you HAve to stand up FOR YOUR SELF!!! my husbands sisters and his mother where very very inslutive I couldnt even tell you half the crap that has been said about me the last straw was when I found out that my husbands sister was coming over my house getting on my computer writting crap about me and my family on the internet I SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I LOVE YOU BUT I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE A DOORMAT...WHEN ME AND YOU GOT TO TOGETHER I DIDN"T MARRY YOUR FAMILY EITHER YOU STAND UP TO THEM OR I WILL...and he didnt to much like the idea of me standing up to them..cause I do not have a problem with showing my BLACK SIDE....finally he did and things are fine...you have to demand respect it's something that you deserve as his wife...if they wont give you respect then godamn it take it.....
2007-05-23 00:29:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so similar to my problem with my inlaws and hubby. His mother tries to manipulate and he's her favorite person to manipulate. I love him so much but he is so gulliable. It doesn't matter how nice I am, how far out of my way I will go to make these people comfortable, it is always something I've done to upset them or I made the wrong thing for supper. When they come to visit this year, I am contemplating a vacation for me!!! Dream on. I have found out that it is much easier to let this woman think she is calling the shots. She is much nicer to be around if she thinks she rules the roost. And its usually minor stuff compared to the big picture, so why not let her think she is in control? Plus theres a bonus, I am getting my way in the long run.
2007-05-23 00:07:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be worse, at least they live out of state. What if they lived next door to you? That is rough!! Anyway, No your Husband should not allow them to treat you poorly under no circumstances! His family is his family, but you are his Wife.
Somehow, he needs to understand that. Talk to him as Respectfully, gently as possible,briefly concerning this.
How it makes you feel, etc... Pray for him that God will teach him to be the Husband he should. Good luck, God bless...
p.s- Love endureth all things!!
2007-05-23 00:26:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy, stop inviting them over. Just because people are family members doesn't mean you have to spend time with them. Would you keep friends that treat you badly? Distance yourself, if your husband wants to visit them, let him do it on his own. Be happy!
2007-05-23 00:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1: If you didn't like his family you should not have married him. When you marry anyone, their family is part of the package.
#2: You are being controlling if you try to force him to choose between his family and you. He's been with them alot longer than you and it's not a contest.
#3: Grin and bear it. You will only ruin your marriage fighting with him about it.
2007-05-23 00:04:54 · answer #6 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time for the pick me or your family speech,tell him its total bullshit and make him choose now you deserve the finest.
I will pray for you as I have gone through this horrible crap as well and its been longer then yours and with me it has been violent.
See it just when I said make them quit and tell them to stop -not leave us alone but "Stop" they have not came around but linger around the corners,talk about scary.huh?
2007-05-23 00:08:31 · answer #7 · answered by Butterflied 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
easy solution.
when they come, you leave!
2007-05-23 00:37:33 · answer #8 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋