again my husband made a BIG mistake!?

Question

we are to be finally divorced on Friday and he has been trying to have a good relationship with me for our 3 month old daughters sake and 2 days before the conference he meets up with his 17 yr old mistress! the MINOR is the reason we are getting a divorce! I specificly told him if he was going to date her he would not see his child more than every other week because i DO NOT want my child subject to his girlfrind who is only a child and that girl has no respect for me or my child! he has been trying so hard to make things right and he just had to go and screw it up...WHY?

also you should no he DOES NOT want to pay child support!

i have already been granted full custody so he more than likely will only be given every other weekend, that is the common law in this state

he is 24, and i DO NOT feel that i am black mailing him by taking his child away he left before she was even born and he is a compulsive liar.I feel he made his choice!i do not need my child around someone who lies and manipulates if it was my choice he would have nothing to do with her because he is a TERRIBLE person, PERIOD. not everyone needs 2 parents.

Answer 1

Please distance yourself from him. At this time, he has chosen the mistress. Let him suffer the consequences that he has chosen for himself. If you stay away from him, you are showing him that you respect yourself and that you will not allow him to disrespect you. Be strong about this it will work in your favor.

The courts will decide when he can see his child not you. They probably will not let him take her away because of her age. He will have to pay child support. He has no choice on that. I am so sorry that you are hurting. I went through a similar thing years ago. Now I am married to someone who really loves me and that I love. You will be OK especially without an adulterer and a looser.

Answer 2

i think that by showing all that anger and those unnecessary restrictions make it seem like you care (for your own sake) for him being with a minor is not common in our society but it does happen and its not fair to him that you restrict seeing his child..the child does not have to follow anything the girlfriend says only you and the father have the right too..the child is young and children are very adaptable to any environment...your a good person for trying to do things right but dont try so much because in the end you will look like your doing the wrong..you have your baby congrats now its time to let the ex-husband go and let him run his own life however he likes too but do not restrict the visits!! That is very wrong and un-logical over a Female since your older show the example as a mature woman that you are and as a mother. you would feel extremely hurt if you were given certain dates to visit your daughter and restriction and limitations on top of that...now child support...thats a different story if you need help with money then you have the right to seek it..

Answer 3

I agree that he showed no respect for you or your marriage. That makes him a crappy husband, but it doesn’t make him a crappy father. You want to hurt Dad. That’s understandable to a degree--but you’ll have to move past it eventually or it will eat away at you and you end up a very bitter person. But do NOT drag your child into it. Let him be a father to his child.

As for all the people claiming, it’s illegal for him be with her…there are no laws against dating in any state, so it is not illegal for him to *date* her (as long as her parents haven’t forbidden it, because since she’s a minor her parents do have the authority to determine who she’s allowed to spend time with). And in MOST states, it’s not illegal for him to have sex with her either (she is above the age of sexual consent for the majority of the states), although in a FEW it is, and I personally think it should be illegal in EVERY state, but it’s not.

As far as him subjecting the child to girlfriend during his visitation, while I think it’s crappy thing for him to do, there’s nothing you can do about it UNLESS you get a court order forbidding it, and the only way a court will make such an order as if she’s shown to be a danger to child (the fact that she had an affair with Dad does not make her a danger to the child). However, you can request that the court order that Dad not be allowed to have overnight visitors of the opposite sex when the child is at his home. Of course, the same thing would apply to you—you wouldn’t be allowed to have overnight male visitors when the child was with you.

Dad will have to pay child support rather he wants to or not and don't let him weasle out of it.

Bottom line--put the anger aside (hard to do I know, but you are an adult) and deal with the situation logically. That means being aware of the things that you can and cannot control.

Answer 4

You can request a certain visitation schedule. I went through a custody battle when my husband was trying to get full custody of his oldest from another woman. I feel your pain, I really do. I've said stuff like that before when I caught my husband cheating. Are you sure you are not saying it out of anger? Maybe to hurt him, you don't want to hurt your child in the process. Is he a good father? You can also request for her to not be around around during visitation due to the fact that she is a minor and you do not want to subject your daughter to that! That court does not make 100% of decision, you can make requests as long as they are reasonable...good luck!

Answer 5

If you live in a state where the age of consent is 14 or older, then there isn't a whole lot you can do about a 17 year old girlfriend...ESPECIALLY if she is going to be 18 shortly...... AND, using the baby as BLACKMAIL on your husband --and that is EXACTLY what you are doing by telling him he basically has to lose the girlfriend to see HIS CHILD----well BLACKMAIL doesn't go over well in court EITHER.. You husband might have been stupid to take up with a 17 year old girl (the EXTENT of that stupidity depends on the age of your HUSBAND).....but it's a mute point once the girl turns 18.... Maybe you are just going to have to suck it up and deal with the fact that this girl IS the person your husband has picked and if it gets more PERMANENT, you will have to deal for YEARS with the BOTH OF THEM....you should ALSO be happy that your EX actually WANTS to see his daughter--a lot of guys would NOT...... but you have NO right to dictate who he sees REGARDLESS of age and it is MORALLY wrong to use your daughter for emotional blackmail as you have been doing.... I suggest you either grow up and face the fact that this GIRL may be in your life for EVER or start right now to realize your life and that of your daughter is going to be TOTALLY messed up by YOUR actions....

Answer 6

I was reading a study (released today actually) that indicates that men usually feel the effects of depression from a divorce more than woman. I'm not excusing his obvious lack of judgment but maybe in this case he was looking for someone to "lean on" during this emotionally difficult time.

I can't imagine any other reason for him to do something that's so obviously harmful to you, him and your child.

Answer 7

so which you're demanding through fact your husband has despatched 2 emails to an ex gf in the previous 365 days and a nil.5? cool down. you're overreacting. If he have been nevertheless disillusioned over the breakup then he on no account might have married you. He did no longer "bypass in the back of your decrease back", he wrote a letter which you admitted wasn't "all that undesirable". you're his spouse. If he supplies you no real reasons to be indignant, jealous or disillusioned then do no longer worry. If, even with the undeniable fact that, he comes domicile with lipstick on his neck...%. up his crap and toss it onto the backyard. superb of success.

Answer 8

He is the father of your child. He shouldn't bring the girlfriend around your son, but there are worse things he can expose your child too. I'd be more concerned about drugs, cigarettes, leaving the child alone, swimming pools, and drunk drivers then I would be of her. You can't control every move he makes, but you can both try to agree on what things the child should not be exposed to. You two need to sit down and talk that through.

Answer 9

Firstly why is he not paying child support?
secondly I would agree with you about not wanting my child to spend time with my ex if he was in a relationship with what I would call a child.

Answer 10

firtsly. how old is your husband?

Secondly. You have no right to dictate who he can or can't see.Though if it's illegal for him to be dating a 17 yo in your state, you could always report him.

Thirdly : you can't force him or his girlfriend to "respect" you. From reading this, I really don't have alot of respect for your ex OR you. Using you child as leverage to make him do what you want is complete BS.

I don't know how fit you husband is as a parent (lack of details) but any parent who uses their kids as a weapon of spite does not deserve to have them.