My ex-husband leaves me nasty, threatening voicemails. I try not to listen to them. If I do, then my whole day goes bad. I can not function (eat, sleep or work) because of the guilt that he lays on me for everything bad that happened to us and our child during and after our marriage.
Then, I see that he has a posting on a matrimonial website and he lists so many positive things about his life. He has moved due to an exciting job opportunity. His daughter is his friend.
I wonder what he wants - he is looking to get remarried and also not letting me go. He keeps saying "I will not let you move on, just wait."
I know that I have to maintain radio silence and not communicate with him. That's the only way.
I feel sad when I look at the state of my life compared to others though. In 5 years, my brothers/ cousins have had more children, bought bigger houses/ cars. I have just lived in limbo thinking I would go back to my ex-husband. Its just sad.
2007-05-22 15:54:23 · 16 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It tears you up inside when you have someone who constantly wants to ruin your life. He keeps you so centered on him that all your thoughts throughout the day centers on him. You cannot focus, you cannot dream, you cannot do anything because this person, has such a tight grip on you, that if you close your eyes, he may take over your whole world.
Honey, let it go....If you are a praying woman, give it to God and he can release it from your life....You have to focus on a scripture to get you through those rough and tiring times with your ex. And since he is your ex, there's no need in thinking that your life will stay in limbo and you'll go back to him.
All the feelings that you have, are feelings that your ex wants you to have. He's happy in his life, but he wants to make your's as miserable as possible. Do not allow him to do this to you.
Also, do not compare your life to anyone elses. What you see your brothers/cousins having may look good on the outside but on the inside it may be a different story.
Find true happiness within you and then you will be better able to appreciate your life. Stop allowing your ex to control your life.
2007-05-22 16:32:14 · answer #1 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Stareyes, I wanted to state my opinion on this but all the answers I intended to state as possibilities have been put forward by other answers. The fact that he is two sided in his present situation is an indication he still wants your attention. The fact that he says he will marry before you is quite juvenile, I had no Idea that life was a contest to see how much aggravation you can cause someone else. If you have to ever talk to him again ask him if he ever plans to get a life of his own to worry about. and to quit showing you that he doesn't by harassing you. On-line you can notify all of your real friends that you are going to change your Email address, change it then and that will be one less aggravation you will have to put up with.
As for the last part of your Question where you state that you are sad because your life hasn't kept up with your brothers/ cousins Etc. If they had to put up with someone like your X-husband I do not think they would have all the assets they do now. Try to get him out of your life and find new places to go new friends and perhaps a new job or city to enjoy your life in. Best of Luck
2007-05-22 16:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by eudaemon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, you try not to listen to the voice mails, but occasionally you do. WHY?
Secondly, Why are you looking at this website? It sounds as if your ex is somewhat of a stalker and you are allowing him.
And whats with this, "I won't let you move on" comment? I would be a little worried he sounds very sociopath. Furthermore, despite the popular belief, the value of your life is not based on financial gains such as bigger cars or new homes. It's what you leave behind. Your legacy. And I think it's truly sad that you are not living each day like there's no tomorrow. I think you need to talk to someone such as a counselor or your pastor. Your life and your children's life needs to be filled with happiness and peace, and it sounds like you need help finding your way. You are worth much more than a BMW...... find your inner strength.
2007-05-22 16:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by anyoldjanedoe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you care what your ex-husband's uncle has to say about a possible re-marriage? And, if your ex was so concerned about his role as father, he should probably have been a better husband, not causing the possibility of a step-parenting situation in the first place.
2016-05-20 07:05:48 · answer #4 · answered by michelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop communication completely other than about your child. Delete his nasty messages. You don't have to put your self through that. Can you change the cell number, and he have only the home phone number? Your life will be fine. If you went back to your ex you would be crazy. The man can't treat you well and you are not together. What do you think would happen if you were back together? Think of the child.
2007-05-22 16:38:57 · answer #5 · answered by RT 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignore all voicemails and record them to use against him later. Do not respond to them, because it can be used against you as well. Just move on, date, have fun, and get remarried. I did...and it drives my ex crazy! He did not want to put forth the effort, but just expected me to be around waiting for him. He got remarried too, but continues to harass me, but I just continue to ignore him. No response is the best route. Trust me, I have done it both ways and trying to get back at him, just ruins your day. Screen your calls and only call back if you have to. Don't let him continue to control your life. You too can have more, just be patient and you will find someone who wants to make you happy. It is hard to ignore their ignorance, but it gets easier with time. Sometimes, I just write a letter, matter of fact, proofread it and make sure there are no sarcastic remarks, then just send it in the mail. Do not answer the call afterwards, screen it and then keep the message! Things will get better, it just takes time. I have been divorced almost 2 years and I still deal with the bull.
2007-05-22 16:08:59 · answer #6 · answered by Shanna h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ex-husbands are control freaks that use guilt, intimidation and control and mind games. Being sad and miserable is what he wants. Start dating, go back to school, act and be as happy as you can and than if the calls don't stop change your numer and only give it to your daughter. Cut him off your a play thing to him now, like a cat tortures a lizard for fun, he likes seeing you hurt, don't let him, get out there girl there are soooo many nice guys that will take you out make you feel special and give you great sex. Live your life!!!!! screw him, who is he.... he is just a man, a crappy man, big deal get out there, I know its hard to make that first step but then you will be asking yurself, "why did I let this jerk get to me?"
2007-05-22 16:02:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to tear you down so you are not successful. He is just playing head games with you. Don't let him succeed. He is just telling you garbage. I can only guess that he must not have wanted to get divorced. Good luck and change your phone number so he can't call you anymore.
2007-05-22 16:04:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would like to hear his side of the story, maybe you arent telling us everything we need to know to make an informed descision. what i am saying is at fisrt glance you seem very materialistic. you mention evry else is getting new cars, houses ect.. what does that have to do with you? i could be way off base and he coould be a psychopath. but i bet there is much more to this story
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btw. you are reported.
2007-05-22 16:13:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like he wants your attention. i dated a girl for like 5 years and i was so bitter and wished i was still with her that i would pull that kind of crap on her. deep down inside i was willing to do anything just for her attention. she was what i really wanted in life, regardless of what possessions i might have had it was immaterial without her. i'm thinking the guy just wants attention from you.
2007-05-22 16:00:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋