I am married to a wonderful guy, but I hate to feel this feeling of still being in love with my ex. My ex has issues he needs to sort out for himself. Part of me wants my marriage to work, as I do love my husband alot. I just can't seem to squash this feeling I have. I've tried so hard to ignore it, wishing it away, even thought of hypnotherapy to help me. How can I put 100% into making 'my not so going great' marriage work, if I still feel this way. My marriage is on the rocks all the time, with very little light shining through sometimes. I'm hanging in there, but just feel at such a cross road. I don't want to walk away from my marriage, cause it does have great potential to work. Two factors get in the way, my husband and I are just SO different, and then there is my ex. He still loves me. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to rush back to my ex anytime soon if at all. I'm just so confused with it all. I just want to forget my ex, but I can't, and my marriage is failing.
2007-05-22 15:24:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is well aware of how I am feeling I have told him the truth about my feelings from the beginning of this event. We have had a rocky marriage for the past 4 years, and my ex was no where to be seen. It is only in the last 6 months that my ex has re appeared. It has stirred up feelings in me that I thought I had put to rest. Now I am feeling very confused on how to deal with this. Do I leave my husband and seek counselling to help me get over the ex or do I stay with my husband and seek help while still being married, not forgetting the issues we have had for the past 4 years had nothing to do with my ex.
2007-05-22 16:49:55 · update #1
Sit down take a deep breath, now, You will have to
make a decision in your life as to who you want to
be with. Right now you have a husband and if you
love him and he loves you then both of you if the
marriage is rocky need to try and work it out as it
is here and now. Your ex seems to have his prob-
lems and is probably concerned with his problems
more so than he is of you at the moment. Since
there seems to be two men in your life you need
to value each one of them and who has done for
you more and decide from that. However you can
only choose one and it must be the one that will
make you happy, not maybe happy , but happy.
It will not be easy but sometimes when a person
really thinks and makes a right decision then that
person will be rewarded with happiness in the end
Again it won't be easy but remember life these
days is not easy, Good luck.
2007-05-22 15:35:22 · answer #1 · answered by RudiA 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to try to put your ex out of your mind and focus on your current marriage. If things aren't going well, and you are so very different, try to remember why you married in the first place. Give your marriage a chance, get counseling, if you can't repair it, then make the decisions you have to make regarding your relationship -- without involving your ex in the picture (even if it's only in your mind).
If you end your current marriage, give yourself some time alone before acting on any feelings you have for your ex, so that if you go into a relationship again with him, you do so knowing its the right thing to do. And before you do, make sure you totally understand why it didn't work the first time around so that you don't make those same mistakes again.
Good Luck.
2007-05-22 15:33:08 · answer #2 · answered by Sammie's Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to make your decision once and for all. Whether it's your husband or your ex, it's unfair to have your husband holding on while you make up your mind. Go to him and tell him you need some time to work some things out and get with you and only you for a while. Then when finally make your decision, it may surprise you. Do you really love your husband or is he a source of stability in your life? Some people would rather place themselves in these situations rather than be alone. And you're not putting 100% into your marriage if your still in love with this other. There's a reason why he's your ex, leave them both alone for awhile and get with you!
2007-05-22 15:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to be in love with two people. What you've mentioned is common with some people who didnt resolve old issues before getting involved with someone else.
Fortunately for you, you have a wonderful husband and you are willing to make your marriage work, despite the feelings that you have for your ex.
But hypnotherapy and counseling will not work, if you do not give it your all. There's some hesitation on your part to let go of your ex. Even though you know that he has his issues, giving up his ghost is too hard for you to do...But for the sake of your marriage, you have to begin to think of the reverse for this man.
Maybe, when you allow yourself to be free of this man, you and your husband will begin to get along better and begin to have a lot of light shining through.
2007-05-22 15:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe because your marriage is failing you're looking for a way out. You may not really be in love with this other man, but you remember all the good times you had with your ex, and you don't have those times with your husband anymore. There was a reason you left your ex, don't forget that.
2007-05-22 15:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by jenmac715 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you say that only part of you wants your marriage to work, it doesn't sound like you're all that committed to your current husband. But it does sound like you do have some feelings for your Ex. So, I suggest that you show a little respect and decency to your current husband by laying your cards on the table. This means telling him the truth about your feelings. He deserves that and you will find that your feelings will be clarified once you get out from living a lie.
2007-05-22 16:43:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First it is not possible to be "in" love with two people. I am not going to start to argue this point but being "in" is physical and you can't be "in" two places at one time. So that statement is out. So essentially you have two very different issues to resolve. First you say you and your hubby are two very different folks. This match up can be delightful if both parties are "in" love. You can't possible be "in" love with an attitude of being "in" love with two. So there you have that. Problem in the marriage is that one or both are not "in" love. Happens. Nothing to be done. As for the ex you already know that answer. You "feel" he has issues, may or may not, but you feel this just the same. And you don't want to rush back if at all. So you are not desire driven to be in the company of you ex. See all of this is not that complicated. Your mind makes it complicated. You live your entire life in your mind. Get clear on your own desires and all this excuse driven excess will fade away. Frankly I don't think you really desire to be in the presence of either and you have convinced yourself you are "in" love with two as a sort of diversion from a fear. Life is a series of surprises. Go get surprised.
2007-05-22 16:13:37 · answer #7 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a heart in need situation. There is a reason your x is your x and there is a reason you married this man. Your x may still love you and you may have feelings for him but is it real or is it a life you have only invisioned with him? Your problems with your husband now only you two know you really need to search your soul and if you really want your marrage to work you both will do what it takes if not the effort wont bethere regardless and it will end. You need to deal with one man at a time though try to work through with this marrage and if you cant make it work then deal with the x. I wish you the best and I wish you werent going through this I know how it feels to feel like your marrage is falling apart any one giving you the slighted attention in your time of need is attractive but is it true or just your hurt heart trying to find something it despretly needs.
2007-05-22 15:35:28 · answer #8 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO insults: a decisive woman always makes a good wife. If i put myself in those guys shoes, i'll dump your ass. In a ralationship especially marriage where the two are interact and see each other everyday, eveylittle thing the other does wrong, the other will see, so the other may says or might not due to all respects for the other to let her or his partner to tell the truth. You're are not confused, you're just being greedy! It takes years to build up a family and it only takes a moment of sexual desire or fantasy to demolish it. QLKM
2007-05-22 15:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think that if you love your husband with out a doubt and are absolutely positive about wanting to forget the ex you should ask him(the ex) to back off (assuming that you two still talk) becouse if you want to atleast try to make thing work in your marrage its not going to be easy having an "old flame" telling you he loves you still.if your ex realy loves and respects you he will let you move on in your new relation ship,and if you truly love your husband you would let him know your feelings.being married is not a peice of cake,you go thrugh ups and downs,its up to you to decide if you want to tuff it out or not. also you need to ask your self why your marrage is on the rocks? it mabey the fact of being torn between two men you say you love. do what you feel in your heart is right (for you)
good luck
2007-05-22 15:47:39 · answer #10 · answered by aeytei 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋