dealing with a angry step daughter?

Question

My step daughter is13 yrs old. When her father and I first met she was only 8 yrs old. He had been separated from his ex-wife for approximately 4 yrs. He raised his daughter more in less on his own. Before his ex-wife realized that we were engaged she truly did not bother too much with my step daughter. It was only until we got engaged and moved in together the problems started. She would ignore anything that I said to her, Lie, not listen you name it. One night when she was 9 yrs old she looked at me and stated " I get away with everything b/c everyone believes my lies" and then she stated that she knows that her dad does not believe anything that I tell him about her. We have been together now for just about 5 yrs we now have a 2 yr old son. It has been very difficult my husband does not discipline her and allows her to do what she wants. When I was pregnant she tripped me on purpose, my husband did not believe that she would do that. I'm don't know what to do.

Answer 1

This would be an ideal time to go in for family counseling either with a professional or a clergy member that you trust. She probably isn't sure who she should trust and has some abandonment issues regarding her mother if she really wasn't paying attention to her daughter until you two got engaged. She may have some residual desire to get her parents back together but what it really sounds like she needs is some strong boundaries from dad that are enforced by you AND primarily dad. Good luck, I was an angry stepdaughter one summer. I feel bad for all of them now but I did get over it.

Answer 2

You are not in a winning situation. I have seen this several times, and I dont know what the answer would be. I do know that she sees you as the evil step mom that took her daddy away. Just a warning it gets worse. If you can sit down and have a civil conversation with her then I would. I recommend family counseling. Dont tell her it is because of her, because that will only make her mad. Your best bet is to see if that helps, and if not see another counselor. I am sure that dad sees her as daddys little princess, and she could do no harm. My husbands family has been through it several times, but they did not try anything until it was to late. My relatives were stealing, lying, doing drugs, fighting, pretty much you say it and it happened. I talked to them about this and they would not listen. Now that is what they wish they would have done. I really hope that this will work out. Make sure she realizes that you know you are not her mother, you are her step mom and you would NEVER try to take her mothers place. STRESS THAT POINT!!! That could be one of her problems. But tell her you will always be there for her and love her as you do your own child.

I really do wish you luck, especially in the later teens.

Answer 3

Dealing with step kids can be a hand full. And ur hubby is unfair.

What u need to do is have a serious talk with ur hubby about this young lady. She's taking over and he needs to put an end to this the fact that he didn't believe u when u told him she tripped u( why would u lie)

U need to have a serious talk with him,her mother and maybe even her. U all need to set a date aside and talk about this young lady and she needs to know her place as a child, she needs to know that ur her step mother( yes she may not like it but it true and real)

U need to get her mom, ur hubby and talk about all this.

Ur hubby really should not allow this to go on with his daugther

He;s wrong for allowing it and once he puts his foot down with her she's gonna realize it, her mom needs to put her foot down too with this young lady because this is why she keeps getting away with it. I mean she's 13 she's young but she knows whats she's doing because she said so when she said " I get away with everthingand everyone believes me'

She may ver well be doing this with the coaching of her mom.

Step kids tend to do things in favor or pleasing they're mom when the father remarries and when the step kid is a girl ( LOOK OUT) because she want to compete for Daddy affection if he sides with the new wife then " that means he doesn't love her anymore and she's not daddy's little girl anymore" they try to make u look as if ur the reason why they're father /daughter relationship has gone south.

She needs to show respect to u because ur are the adult and it is ur house too( she don't have to like the rules but she does have to fellow them) and the sooner ur husband get a backbone and put his foot down she's know this.

If u should have everyone get together and talk make sure u speak ur peace don't hold back and let go because u have kept quiet long enough( u could have lost ur baby when she tripped u, thats serious, not cute and not funny.

She have been punished for that. That was very devilish hope she's not doing any evils to the baby( I'd watch her and u shouldn't have to which is now more pressure.


Maybe it would be a good idea to tape somethings she do without anyone knowing to prove to her dad and mom what u go through with her.

I hope this get the attention it needs because she is a problem.

Don't forget to talk with ur hubby and her mom gather everyone together for this and have a bigtime serious talk about this& don't hold back, speak your peace

Answer 4

Tough one... I think you need to go to counselling with your husband... It hard for a parent to think their child can have an evil side to them... but in all fairness... most children, especially girls, are that way at this age... I have had 3 stepdaughters and remember that age very well... It was like they were possessed... and it can last until they are out of the house... My own daughters get like that too... Unless it is out of line completely (like her tripping you when you were pregnant)... I would take it as an age/hormone appropriate thing... If one of my stepdaughters tripped me while pregnant, on purpose or not, they better be saying I'm sorry! You should be allowed to discipline her when it deals with your well being... Not saying lock her up in the closet (although sometimes it didn't sound like such a bad idea ; ) but sit her down and look her straight in the eyes and let her know that you are the mother of YOUR home and you will not allow that type of behavior, whether you are her mother or not... I love my stepchildren... and now that they are older, they appreciated all I did for them... Good Luck... it's a tough job!

Answer 5

The most important thing is consistancy and a united front. You need to talk to your husband about the child's behavior. He needs to discipline her with you and show her that her behavior will not be tolerated. The rules of the house and rules of behavior should be strictly enforced.

Your husband is doing his daughter no favors by letting her get away with murder and he needs to understand that part of his job is to raise her to be a good person. By letting her be rotten, he is setting her up for failure in the real world as an adult....not everyone will be willing to forgive her like daddy does.

Answer 6

You have to talk to your husband and act as a team. If your stepdaughter thinks she can get away with murder, it is a big problem!
Your husband NEEDS to stand up to her, discipline her and set down specific rules. He should back you up and make his daughter understand he will not tolerate you being snickered at by her.
If he doesn't do this, things will get worse with time. If he thinks it's a stage and she will outgrow it, you are in for a lot of grief!

Counseling sounds like a good idea, too. Good luck....

Answer 7

When I first got with my hubby things were kinda like this. With his kids. I still have problems out of my step daughter sometimes but its just the way they have been raised. If my hubby didnt believe me I wouldnt even bother. I mean I know you can be blind sometimes to your kids but he has to see what she is doing whether he wants to believe it or not may be he feels guilty for what her mom has put here through. You need to really try and sit him down and explain you realize this but he is going to have to do something and if that doesn't work I don't know what to tell you. I wish I could help more but him beliving her over you has really got me.

Answer 8

I know this has to be very difficult for you. You have to stay out of it however. I think under no circumstances should you ever discipline his child. He should be the disciplinarian and just accept it as the way it is as hard as this may be.
She will eventually grow up and you will be free of her shinannigans.

Answer 9

Better get some family counseling quickly!
Before she hurts the baby - that's just another way to get you out of the picture.

Answer 10

I would have hidden cameras around the house so when she does it again, you can show it to your husband. Tell him that this has to stop or you are leaving and taking your son with you. I would start preparing now.