One day I saw a child snaking around
Searching for food and crying in a weak sound
I saw a thirsty girl but no water were found
I saw an old man sleeping on the ground
I saw a kid can't sleep due to cold
I saw a mother sweeping her son's blood
Oh people
How can you accept that?
How can they live like that?
O brothers and sisters
Let's all join and get together
And turn our weak sound into a thunder
It is not enough to cry over the darkest night
But you should rise and light a candle
Never forget those people in Palestine
And among your friends distribute the words of mine
2007-05-22 12:20:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Except for some grammatical errors that take away from the flow, your poem is excellent.
Thanks for sharing.
2007-05-22 12:30:33 · answer #1 · answered by frankiquilts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it!!! It's Very sensitive it errand emotion to me as i read it I may be no expert though but i can say there are some grammatical errors that if they are taken care of it will make your poem even better than what it already is. I give a 10 out of 10 and a star! If i could rate you with those i would give you 5 stars or more! Overall really good poem!!!!
2007-05-22 12:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by chiquiz08 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something a little bit off with the overall flow of the poem. I can't pinpoint it to any one verse or word, but it sounds a little broken up and forced at times. You should polish it up!
My favorite part is "Turn our weak sound into a thunder" it is very compelling.
"distribute the words of mine" just sounds plain awkward
2007-05-22 16:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by gorgonamedousa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You paint a vivid picture with your words. I like that. I also like the third verse. To me, that verse stands out more than the others.
Keep writing
2007-05-22 12:57:58 · answer #4 · answered by Mister 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like how u describe the suffering and how u think everyone should join together.But it made me a little sad which is good, I like your poem is good
2007-05-22 12:34:28 · answer #5 · answered by puppylove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only like the third verse but relate it more to both sides, as this is clearly about two sides.
2007-05-22 12:29:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice! Simple yet very nice.
2007-05-22 13:10:15 · answer #7 · answered by Nevwe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋