My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 4 years.He is the best in every department that matters~sex, cooking, cleaning, the kids-good provider, etc.. I know him like a book, inside & out. I know when something is on his mind, I know what he likes and what he doesn't like, I know what he is gonna say & do before he says it or does it...I KNOW HIM. The problem is...he doesn't know me. He can't FIGURE OUT what is bothering me, as I can do with him. He doesn't know what I like or don't like, as far as gifts. Right now I have to tell him what I want for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. So there is never a suprise for me. (He'll probably start buying gift cards next)
It just seems like after all this time he should know me better than he does. I know he loves me, but he doesn't have a clue & I don't understand how that can be. I know the obvious ladies (he's a man, they're dumb-SMILE GUYS) but I am looking for some real insight here.
2007-05-22 12:12:18 · 10 answers · asked by BossLady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People have different strengths. Some are really good at interpreting how others are feeling (usually, but not always, women) and others aren't. It doesn't mean he doesn't care...it's just not something he's able to do. I've been married for over 20 years and still do not know my wife as well as I'd like to. It's not that I don't try...I just can't figure it all out. Sure, I know a lot about her, but I'm still surprised way more often than I'd like to be at this point.
I'm sure it's frustrating, but with the number of things that it sounds like he does do well, I think you're in much better shape than a lot of women, so try to appreciate what you have. Very few people are married to someone perfect. You have to accept some things you consider "flaws" or it's hard to be happy.
2007-05-22 12:48:21 · answer #1 · answered by Dave W 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Men simply aren't as emotionally intuitive as women. Your expectation is that because you are so intune to his behavior patterns, you feel that he should be doing the same for you.
Have you communicated this expectation? Or should it magically occur one of these days?
Through out your entire paragraph I didn't read the sentence where you wrote "We sat down over a quiet dinner, looked each other straight in the eye and I told him what that I wasn't getting the emotional reciprocity I was expecting." You did however, mention that HE was responsible to "FIGURE (YOU) OUT".
Considering this is still an issue after 4 years of marriage, I commend you both on your patience and fortitude!
p.s. If you do find a good mind reading class, let me know!
2007-05-22 19:28:35 · answer #2 · answered by Pankration 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Men just see things in black and white. They aren't intuitive. They sometimes don't even remember what you wanted the last time a situation came up.
You have to tell them Every time. Always. Tell them. Otherwise, they won't know.
2007-05-22 19:51:52 · answer #3 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
they're not dumb, just not intuitive. my husband knows lots of stuff. I am sure he is smarter than I am, but he still doesn't know what i want for my b-day, and it's only been 22 years--lol -same for my friend's husbands.
One girl i know gave her husband a list of about 10 things, so he could chose one to 'surprise' her with. You have to be specific, like I'd have to say Estee Lauder, hyra-complete face cream, blue bottle.
2007-05-22 19:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't waste your time wondering why. Men don't think like we do. They don't care about the things that are important to us. Try telling him how you feel, and see what he has to say about this. Maybe he would rather you tell him everything so he doesn't have to work. men like less work possible. They don't like anything that's going to puzzle there brain!!
2007-05-22 19:19:52 · answer #5 · answered by Sexy Seductive T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They're just totally clueless. That's all there is to it. They haven't got a clue when it comes to knowing what we want. It's in our nature to figure things out like that. It just comes natural to us. I don't think men have that little chromosone that tells them how someone is feeling. I don't think it's that they're bad people, they're just C-L-U-E-L-E-S-S (CLUELESS!) ;-)
2007-05-23 00:48:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is called being a MAN. They won't ever get it. If this is your only concern be very very thankful. I would just write him a scrap book with everything you like and everything about you and include pictures!
2007-05-22 19:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by Dance 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my guys the same way.instead of being a whiner and moody and other girls around him are smiling and cute.i decided to accept the Jacka*s for what he is.and pick my own stuff.like on mothers day i didn't have to exchange one thing.good luck. luv ya!!xoxoxoxo (now i act like those dumb bubbley girls just for fun)
2007-05-22 19:33:19 · answer #8 · answered by STALKER BLOCK 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you trust someone you feel safe enough to go on auto-pilot.
I'm not convinced that you "know" your husband. I think you just "know" his auto-pilot self.
The less someone is on auto-pilot the harder they are to predict.
2007-05-22 19:22:56 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NO, you are right.
They are dumb.
Period.
2007-05-22 19:20:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋