As soon as he spoke those three words
I didn't believe my ears
I never thought we’d feel alike
Looking with his hopeful eyes
He waited long for my reply
Standing there in front of me
With his marvelous faith filled grin
Here’s the best day of my life
I left my corner and hugged him
When at last I found my voice
I whispered in his perfect ear
“I love yoyos too”
i wrote it out when i was bored.....what do you think?
2007-05-22 11:14:00 · 5 answers · asked by acamn91 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
that one line that says "i left my corner and hugged him" i changed to " i left my spot and higged him tight"
2007-05-22 11:17:44 · update #1
I think it's hilarious. Kind of a parody of love poems. I loved it. Could it use some editing? Sure. But a good poem. Can I have permission to post it on my blog?
2007-05-22 11:26:30 · answer #1 · answered by Bill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice little poem, lucidly written. Instead of 'spoke' what about whispered or mumbled! spoke isn't specific enough, can be guttural hence does not capture mood of the moment/scene. I Love You - the three words! call it Magical words.
2007-05-22 18:49:03 · answer #2 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it very much. It could be used for many occasions. Very romantic.
2007-05-22 18:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by imtoosweet98 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very cute.
2007-05-22 18:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by Points whore 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it! Great job, sweetie.
2007-05-22 18:23:17 · answer #5 · answered by wisinski4@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋