I guess I just need someone to listen.....?

Question

I don't have a question and it may be against the rules, but I don't feel I can tell anyone my feelings- who cares anyway...right? My husband is my problem. He just has a way of making me feel very little and like my every move should be about him. For instance: I work everyday just like he does (40 hrs a week). When I get home, he always finds something for me to do. Last night it was helping him with his job till 7:30 pm then we went to get groceries then when we got home, I cleaned house till 11:30 pm. I don't have to get up till 6:30 am. Well, he saw something that needed to be done before I get up so he comes in and kicks the bed and rants for 30 minutes about me not appreciating anything or I would be up doing things around the house. He got in bed the night before at 9:30 and I still have housework to do because I helped him when I got home. I feel I cant' please him. I'm so depressed. I don't want to leave but I am thinking of it. Ok.....I just wanted to vent.thanks

Thanks to all of you who have answered. I have always considered myself as happily married and have always said my husband was good to me.....but I am kidding myself. I don't want to face the facts. I don't want to hurt a man that is hurting me. I am not happy. How do I get that through my stupid head? How can I be happy when I feel like crying everyday...right? But yet, I put up this front...even to strangers. When will I realize it's never going to get any better.......

Answer 1

Sweetie, you need out. He is the one who doesn't appreciate you. He will see what you are worth when you are not there....

We women think that WE NEED to stay in a marriage because of how we are brought up. That is FALSE. You feeling the way you feel and being treated the way you are is anything but a healthy marriage.

The hardest step is to make a decision. You really do have to value who you are as a person. And realize that your husband is not in the same place you are. It seems he is taking advantage of your good heart

Want to vent some more... Email me....

Answer 2

Don't leave yet. Have you ever let him know you felt overwhealmed? It's difficult in today's times where both of us have to work 40 hours a week because stuff doesn't get done at home except at night or weekends. If you can lax a little, let things around the house go a little during the week; just make sure he's willing to help straighten it out on the weekends. If you have trouble talking to him, try a third-party like a counselor; hopefully you can get him to go. But, don't go pouting to your circle of friends because they'll just take your side, and you won't come to any resolution that helps your marriage because the present situation won't change. Did you know the last figure I saw was that fifty percent of all marriages fail? Now, go beat the statistics, and make it work! That's what you really want or you wouldn't be looking for advice.

Answer 3

Since your husband is the problem, you need to
sit down with him and have a long talk with him and
tell him how you feel about the present situation
between you and him, and what you feel will make
it better. Suggest counseling sessions that you
and him will attend that could help your marriage
out. If he does not want to go and is still the same
then you can go, to make you stronger to be able
to deal with the situation. If you are doing your
part and he is not doing his then maybe you need
to think about having your space and giving him
his., which is called seperation, for a period of
time. If while seperated you are still un-happy and
he is still the same then you need to decide what
it is that you need to make you happy in life and if
you come to the conclusion that maybe if you
were alone you would be happier , then you know
what the next step is. No matter how much one
loves someone , and that person does not get the
same love back, marriage life will never work.
If he does not think about you to change then you
need to start thinking about yourself and what is
best for you. Good luck.

Answer 4

ANY time you feel your spouse isn't appreciating you, you have two options. Leave or talk to him about it. If he doesn't want to listen to you then he doesn't respect you and you should leave. There are a lot of guys out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. A lot of women feel they don't deserve a good guy. This is not true. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Here's what I suggest: Give him three chances. Talk to him about how you're feeling. If he doesn't alter his ways, then after the third strike, leave him. However (and I can not stress this enough), DO NOT let him know you are planning on leaving him. And whatever you do, when you make the decision to leave...LEAVE. Don't let him talk you out of it because he will only make you happy long enough to get you right back where you started. If you tell him you're leaving and he talks you out of it, you will be perceived as weak and bluffing. Don't bluff.

I wish I could help more directly. I've seen a lot of women in this position and it sucks. Makes me ashamed to be a man.

Answer 5

A marriage takes work from both parts, and it seems as if you are doing more than yours. He seems to be the one who isn't appreciative, maybe even one of those guys who doesn't believe that women are equal at all to men. Sounds like a bastard and if you don't feel like you are getting the respect you deserve, you should leave. There are plenty of men out there who are looking for a good, honest, hard-working, do-it-yourself, someone to share your life with, kind of men out there. Go find one. Does he have something that makes you stay besides for the fact that you are married?? Is there anything about him that you just can't live without???

Answer 6

He seems to have this need to control you and verbally abuse you. This is very bad.

Have you ever spoken to him about your feelings? that is the least you can do before you decide on whether or not to leave him.

If he puts a guilt trip on you if you speak to him about it then he is not acknowledging that you and you need to make some more choices.... ask to go to counseling, and/or leave. There is also the choice to stay but if he is going to stay the same then he is going to eat away at any self confidence you have left and you will feel more and more trapped.

I am sorry he is treating you like this.

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EDIT
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I just read a question you asked a month ago:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApBqN26Swh_9zuGWM2.mkh3sy6IX?qid=20070412071121AARQxHh

He really does not sound like a person who will change his ways.

Now I am thinking it would be best for you to leave him. This is not a marriage, it is more like a domineering father over his daughter.

No matter how much you love him, you have to love yourself to not be treated like this. If you don't love yourself enough, then it is probably because he has already eated away at your self esteem. It is only going to get worse.

Answer 7

Hello --

I'm sorry to say this, as I don't know your husband and please don't get offended, he's an "*** hole". This is a form of abuse. He might not be physically abusing you, but he sure is mentally abusing you, and you don't have to sit there and take it. Perhaps you try to do too much to please him and you should back off. He seems like "old country", as that is how the men used to be years ago (like back in the 40's and 50's), but hello, its 2007, times have changed. Evidentally this is how your husband grew up. The man is the "superior". I'm a husband, father of two kids, married 12 yrs and our marriage is not all that great. We have no intimacy/sex and there are days I want to leave, as I'm so fed up, but I don't physically or mentally abuse her. Of course, I have said some bad things, but I have also apologized after the fact.

You work as much as he does. I assume you have no kids. Staying up to work on house chores when he goes and gets his beauty rest is not fair.

I would put your foot down hun. I really would -- for your own sake.

Feel free to email me here if you'd like

--Jay

Answer 8

OK girl, here we go, If your husband want to give orders, tell him to join the army, air force, navy, marines. According to your story you work just as hard as he does. What's his problem. Did he have to do all the work when he was a kid (sounds like he still is) and maybe he's getting even. Tell him to back off and respect you. Yes, just like that girl. You can do it. Who passed away and named him king of the duty roster. Take care. Peace and Love

Answer 9

what is this thing about not appreciating them?? i hear that same thing everyday.... its like "what else can i do??" i know exactly how you feel, i do every and anything to make my man happy.... when hes had a long day ill rub his back just to show i appreciate everything he does, but me?? i work just as long if not longer and ive been beggin for one for 2 weeks.... I think when 2 people are together, if theyre stressin about somethin outside the home theyll take it out on the one they love..... we just have to be their punchin bag ( not literally) but when its over with theyll usually make u feel like puttin up with their behavior was worth it

Answer 10

Based on what you said here, it sounds like you should leave. A wife should be a partner, friend, and companion, not a servant...and should get as much out of the relationship as the man does. The way you describe your marriage sure doesn't sound like that.