I'm getting married in the next few months and my future wife and I have a small starter house we've been living in for a short time now. My wife-to-be asked me the other day if her 23 year old brother could live with us for the summer. At first I said sure, but then I found out it's likely to be more than a year (while her bro looks into grad school). I would have no problem with 6 months but over a year seems unreasonable given the fact that our house is so tiny and this will be our first year of marriage.
Currently her bro has his own place and tons of family live within 20 miles (but he doesn't want to stay with his parents). When I said something about our house being too small to my future wife she said we should just buy a bigger house asap then. I really think us having to now go buy a larger house and move to accommodate her bro is unfair. We have room enough for us and even a short term guest (2 small bdrms, 1 small bath, but no storage avail). So what should I do?
2007-05-22 10:25:45 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you need to just emphasize that you dont mind the short term, but since this is your newlywed phase that you feel you really need to concentrate on just the 2 of you. that this is the time in your marriage that you really learn who the other person is and start to grow as one. Having another person in the house is only cheating this beginning time for the 2 of you. Good luck and congrats on the upcoming wedding.
2007-05-22 10:30:55 · answer #1 · answered by linda m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your wife exactly what you said here. It is very chancey bringing someone in your all's life right now, seeing how you are going to be married, I agree. Tell him it's fine for 3 months, but then after that, he'll need to find somewhere else to go or suck it up and move back home with his parents until he gets done with grad school.
Marriage is hard enough, and it's not a good idea to have other guests in the home when you are starting out. If the circumstances were different and he had NO where else to go and was sick or something, then my answer may be different. You need to talk to your fiance'.
2007-05-22 17:36:12 · answer #2 · answered by Ginger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a definite not, can he stay a short time, if you are comfortable with six months, then six months. Before he arrives you and your wife-to-be should set some boundaries, including what he would be contributing to the household, a timeline for him to leave, and some goals and objectives that he should be working on. I would make him pay some kind of rent, that you could save for him, so that you are not waiting for him to save. He needs to get his own storage space you should not be unrooting your life for her brother but at the same time if you can make a compromise, to make some accomodation you should.
2007-05-22 17:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by Wisdom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i had this issue come up a few yrs ago my sister came to live with me and my new hubby only married for two months just bought a house 3bd 2baths and the whole thing ended up getting between us. and we fought all the time. so my sister and i ended on bad blood for a while then we got over it and my hubby and i are now divorced family dont mean to but they can cause more problems then help in a new marriage.. no mater how strong ya'lls bond is so tell yur wife in a gentle way no.. b/c you will be saving everyone alot of pain in the end.. hope this helps goood luck
2007-05-22 17:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by genuine_destiny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a suggestion: Allow him to come for however long he needs (within reason) but insist that he carry his share of the weight. Pay something for rent, chip in for groceries, housework... Also, declare one night each week for you and your future wife. This means he needs to be out of the house for that night from before you two get home from work until whatever time you set. This will give you some time alone with your future wife.
While he is looking into grad school, he should be working.
2007-05-22 17:32:59 · answer #5 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he has his OWN place, Then why does he want to live with you? What? is he expecting to live there rent free? If your wife insist that he live with you, Then charge him rent and utility's and assign him household chores. If he can't live up to his end of the deal( which you get him to agree to BEFORE he moves in. ) Then out he goes!! Simple..And if your lady gets pregnant while he is staying there, Then what? Your going to need that extra room for the nursery. You are just starting out on a relationship which is going to last the rest of your life, You don't need outside interference, To cause you problems ! The first year of marriage is hard enough without it. You need to talk to her and explain to her what you are feeling, And how you think it will effect your relationship together. I wish you well..
2007-05-22 17:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by master_escrimador 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree going further into debt on a bigger house so her brother, who sounds perfectly capable of providing for himseld, can have a place is completely unfair! You will be newly married and throwing a relative into the mix is going to stress out your home life and make you resent her. She needs to remember that when you marry you leave you mother and father (and the rest of your family too) and become one with your spouse. She needs to respect your decision and either come up with a compromise you can both agree on or ask her brother to stay somewhere else.
2007-05-22 17:34:21 · answer #7 · answered by juda75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me, this is the worst mistake for the both of you, Your home should include the both of you only and children when the time comes, a short visit by family members like a few days is ok, but inviting a relative to stay with you for that amount of time will come between the both of you and nobody should impose themselves to share your home.
2007-05-22 17:34:04 · answer #8 · answered by sidekick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife-to-be is already lying to you before she even got your signature on the marriage certificate. In no way can "for the summer" be confused with "more than a year". As for getting a bigger house, she's content for you to put up with small digs but not for her brother to have to put up with living with the parents? Her priorities are screwed up, she doesn't sound even remotely ready to be *your* wife.
So I fear her brother is not your biggest problem.
2007-05-22 17:38:33 · answer #9 · answered by Ian S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your future wife the truth, that you don't want him living there with you, you DO have a say in this. You'd better start communicating now BEFORE the marriage because if you don't the lack of communication is going to destroy your marriage.
2007-05-22 17:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋