I just finished my first year of college and my boyfriend has finished 2 years hes 22. He has a great paying job and i have a job interview tomorrow. I've been with him for awhile and he has said he wants to get married as soon and we save enough money to have a great wedding. He has said if i were to get pregnant he would always support me and do whatever he needed to be the best daddy ever. He doesn't smoke, drink or do any gambling what so ever, so that helps me in wanting a baby with him. I feel like if I had a baby right now I would have something more to focus my goals and aspirations on for our future. I'm going to be in the nursing program next year so money won't be an issue soon. I also have a feeling that i should wait until a later time when its easier for us to do, but then its pops up again and i keep thinking about it. My partner knows how i wish I could have one now, but knows also i want a career first...I wish i could do both now...someone help me please...thank you !
2007-05-22 09:52:32 · 25 answers · asked by sobrietygirl88 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Babies, children, family.. These are wonderful things and it is completely normal to have aspirations and dreams involving them, but if possible, make sure to have the rest of your life laid out in front of you before having a child. Having a baby is personal decision that needs to be made between two people, and when it comes down to it you will make the choice you want to make regardless of what any internet comment tells you, but I would seriously advise considering the future you must lay for a child before having one. Being pregnant is difficult, exhausting and being a parent is not any easier. I'm sure you've heard this all before, try a PRO vs. CON list of what would happen if you had a baby now, and look at what is important to you on both lists.. Weigh the good and the bad.. I wish you the best on whatever decision you may make! Do not be swayed by the words of anyone except your own, the second party involved and your personal God [if you have one].
2007-05-22 10:01:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Finish college!!!! I love my 7 year old, and am pregnant with my second child. My first pregnancy was a surprise--right after I finished college. There is no way I could have had a child while in school. Nursing school is no piece of cake! Are you ready to take 15+ hours of school per semester, AND do 12 hour rotations at a hospital, all without pay, while getting up 3-4 times a night with a newborn? And going to school is not the same as working. You put in just as many hours, but then you have to study and do homework. If your relationship was meant to be, then you will be together when you finish school. 19 is very young--you can't even legally drink yet! And let me tell you, you can't just get up and go with baby. Everything is planned around thier schedule. My 7 year old is just now able to help take care of herself. You have plenty of time! Focus your goals on having a career, so you can be better prepared for a baby!
2007-05-22 10:03:13 · answer #2 · answered by An Inconvenient Thinker 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would never advise having a child until the commitment has been made between you and your boyfriend, if you are waiting to get married because you have to save money for a great wedding you can forget get married because once that baby comes thats where all your money is going. Being married while going to college is hard enough, take it from me I know. Having a baby is going to be ridiculous. Why have a baby just so someone else can watch it all day while you work and go to school? Wait a few years, get married finish school work a year and save some money then have your baby. Good luck, it sounds like someday you will be a great mom, just don't be one too soon.
2007-05-22 10:41:36 · answer #3 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take that urge to have a baby and use it as a motivation when you are trying to struggle through a course in college. You need to establish your career before you have the baby. I love all my children, but kids are rough on a career! Imagine starting a new career and missing work because of a sick child. Your employer is going to find it a lot harder to fire an employee that's been there and proven herself vs. a new hire with little experience and attendence problems.
DO NOT have a baby before you finish your education and discover your own place in life. Once you are established and HAPPY WITH YOURSELF, then maybe consider marriage and/or parenthood.
By the way, save for a house or an advanced degree - they will be worth much more in 10 years. A wedding lasts only a few hours; consider something small, intimate & beautiful (and less expensive).
2007-05-22 10:05:44 · answer #4 · answered by Zinnia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your strong maternal feelings are abnormal. The question is (as you yourself pointed out) is this the right time? THAT is a question that needs to be answered with reason as opposed to emotion. You're 19! Not even old enough to legally buy a drink. I'm not trying to put you down there. Just trying to put this in perspective. What if you were to wait until you were say, 24? By that time you would have your nursing degree and have been working for two to three years. You would still be quite young by reproduction standards and in all likely-hood you and your (I'm assuming then husband) would be better able to provide for a family, and face any unforeseen difficulties. As for the focus, draw from a plan like that. The harder you work in school, the better grades you will get which can lead to a better job. With you both working good jobs you'll put aside more money faster. Buy a nice house, someplace good for raising a family and then...
2007-05-22 10:00:38 · answer #5 · answered by danl747 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Get through with school first. Trying to study and pass state exams are brutal on their own without a small person needing your constant attention.
You're so very young. I'd wait, do the things that need your full attention, settling into a marriage and getting through school. Then, only then, see where you are, where you want to be and then make your baby.
You'll be far happier and way more relaxed if you don't have to be Mom, Wife and student all at the same time. Each one is a really full load.
Congratulations on thinking ahead and best of luck in school. We need good nurses.
2007-05-22 09:59:25 · answer #6 · answered by walkssoftly 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's very normal. When I was your age, I wanted a baby, too. But I'm glad that I waited until after I graduated from college, got a job and a husband. Your job at 19 is to finish college and have fun! Because after a baby comes, the going out and having fun stuff rapidly declines.
2007-05-22 09:59:11 · answer #7 · answered by gendaisy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart. Wait to have a baby...
You are just starting out in your life. You need to get your education first then your great job as a nurse...
Marry your boyfriend... Spend time together as a married couple... The baby will come next.
Babies require a lot of time and work.
Your focus right now should be your education.
2007-05-22 09:57:08 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to give you the same lecture I gave my son. "Life Happens 101". If you decide to have a baby and the boy doesn't stand by you and the baby, then what. Words are cheap and court battles are expensive. If the baby isn't healthy (god forbid), then you time will be spent taking care of the baby and schooling will go by the wayside. Babies cost lots of money, more that what you think.
My advise, both to you and by son, is the finish your education and graduate, get a job and then see if this boy is still around for you to marry and have a family with.
Think carefully, because once life happens, it can't go back in the cookie jar.
2007-05-22 09:59:27 · answer #9 · answered by kny390 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Most 19 year olds wouldn't be as wise as you are. It is a good thing that you want to get your life in order and be completely prepared to have a child. I am 23 and I want a baby so much right now, but I know that since I am not finished with school, have a steady job and a house of my own that I couldn't provide for my child. You are strong willed obviously so if you think that you can handle taking care of a child and still finish school and start a good career, then go for it. But if you have one bit of doubt, I would wait. Good luck! And I hope that I helped you at least a little! =]
2007-05-22 09:57:33 · answer #10 · answered by jeannie.ranee 1 · 6⤊ 1⤋