When should you through in the towel?

Question

I've been married for 15 years to my childhood sweetheart. He's a leo and I'm a pisces. We have so many difference and I think that's what attracted me to him. We have two teenage girls and we have nothing in common.

He loves to ge outdoors and I love to be indoors. He wants perfection and I am laid back.

We seem to always fight about everything and anything. The only good part of our relationship seems to be the sex.

Should I throw in the towel and set him free to find someone he's compatible with or should I just stick with it?

Answer 1

Is it that now that your children are grown and about to leave the house that just NOW you are worrying about the marriage?? Are you worried that once the kids arent there to be the "glue" that the two of you will fall apart??

This seems to be a problem in a LOT of marriages... thats why so many of them fall apart as soon as the kids leave home. The parents have put all their time and effort into the KIDS that they have "forgotten" about their OWN relationship and nurturing it!!

What you need to do is take action NOW before it IS too late (because it seems like you are still invested a little at least to each other) SO WHAT that you are a pises and he is a leo?? SO WHAT that he likes to be outdoors and you like to be indoors?? There had to be SOMETHING that brought the two of you together (more then the sex) and KEPT you together all these years! What you need to do is figure out what THAT was and figure out a way to REBUILD IT!!

Some have suggested "couples therapy" and I agree but your hubby may not go for it (a LOT of men dont like to "talk" let alone talk to strangers about PERSONAL issues). So instead of CREATING a problem... just try and solve the issues BEHIND the problem!

If you like the indoors and he likes the outdoors.. GO ON A CRUISE!! You get to relax and have fun and he gets to "mingle," go out and explore islands (maybe w/ you by his side) and sit on the sundeck and relax in HIS way! Figure out things like THAT that you two can do where BOTH of you will enjoy not only whatever activity you are doing but also each other!

RE-learn how to compromise! Do something once a month that the OTHER person wants to do! Like one weekend a month take a walk w/ him or go camping w/ him or let him take you somewhere that HE enjoys (like my hubby likes to take me shooting and although I could go my ENTIRE LIFE w/out doing it, I know that HE likes it and its not going to kill me to spend that time doing something HE likes!) Then one weekend a month do something YOU like to do, like stay at home and watch movies and play board games, etc!

That way you are not only doing things together and learning how to once again ENJOY each others company but you are ALSO learning more ABOUT your spouse and who knows you might find that you ENJOY the things he enjoys and vice versa! You might find that you have more in common then you thought, you just never made the effort to figure it out!

You really need to at least TRY and rekindle the love that the two of you once had before just giving up!! You might find that the two of you fall in love all over again and that its even MORE wonderful then the "first" time around!!

Good luck and remember that it is NEVER TOO LATE to try again and TRUE LOVE is NEVER completely gone!

Answer 2

Definitely DO NOT throw in the towel!! I know exactly how you feel my husband and I had the same problem we just found out a lot earlier. Although I do suggest marriage counseling, some things you can start with ar the following:

First off, You both have to make an effort to please the other. And I don't mean meet me half way kind of thing. I mean 100% of the way. You need to do things that he likes and he needs to do things that you like. Part of marriage is not just compromising but getting involved and doing it intentionally and without complaint.

Second, sex is a really, really important part of marriage and you should feel blessed that you have a great sex life.

Third, It takes two. He has to be just as committed to making it work as you. If you stick it out and really try to get to know each other all over again, I think you will fall in love all over again. Don't give up. Good luck

P.S. Just wait till the kids are gone. Travel have fun. It all goes up hill from there :)

Answer 3

You don't want to stay married anymore and don't want to make an effort to save your marriage?

Are you tired of the hassle, the hurt, and the haranguing? We don't blame you. But is leaving the solution?

Think of what you lose:

The time you spent together, the history of good times and good things that you have done. The investment of your life.
Being there for your children. Don't believe the lies that kids are better off if fighting parents dissolve the marriage. Research shows that kids do better if you stay together. They didn't bring you into the world; you brought them. Don't you owe it to them to try one more time to make this work?
Finances. Not only is divorce costly, so is the division of assets, maintaining a new home, and developing a new life.
Your common friends. Oh, yes, they will make choices. They eventually have to. Even if you think now that they will always be there for you, you'll discover soon after your divorce that things will be changed with them forever.
Your future. Learning to live with a new mate is like sailing a mined harbor. Everything is fun until you discover the danger areas. Why not try one more time to make the future for you and your current spouse that you once looked forward to? It can still happen. .

Answer 4

I think you should talk about it ...a lot. You have a lot at stake. You might be thinking the girls are getting old enough to take a divorce, but it will be devastating.

Work harder at finding things in common. Try to come up with a truce where you each agree to do some things to make life easier for the other one. And the more that these concessions mean being together, the better. People do grow and change over time, and marriages will only last if people find some ways to adapt.

Answer 5

I know that this is a typical thing to say, but if you still love each other I would suggest marriage counseling. There are alot of people that get married and dont have much in common. Some people choose to make it work and just learn to compromise and some go there separate ways.. It really just depends on what you and you husband feel like you need/ want to do. I hope everything works out well! Good luck! : )

Answer 6

Or you could try to compromise. Go outdoors with him sometimes and he can stay indoors with you sometimes. Tell him to try to be more lax in his expectations and maybe you can pick up the pace a bit. Hey, if you want this man and you love him then you can make it work. You two sound a lot like me and my husband, he's the outdoorsman, I'm the princess who would die if I get dirt or mud on my Manolo's. He's lax and lays his friggin tools, gadgets and fishing gear on the kitchen counter while I inwardly shrink each time. What do I do? I ask him "honey, please don't put your stinky fishing gear on the kitchen counter where I prepare our food" and he says "oh honey, I'm sorry I forgot". He moves it and the next day, the fishing gear and gadgets go right back onto the counter! So it's a compromise. I try to stay calm, try to lax my stringent ways of "everything in it's place" and for his part he "tries" to pick up after himself. Perfect example, I leave for work after he does, but on days when I leave late I make the bed. He NEVER used to make the bed which drove me nuts because I can not get into an unmade bed. So I simply said one day "honey, can you make the bed before you leave". And ever since then, when I come home the bed is made - usually. The point I'm making is EVERYTHING is a compromise. And anything worth having is worth fighting for. Good luck.

Answer 7

Try counseling before you ' throw in the towel'. You are married, and 15 years is a long time. Maybe you just need to figure out a new 'plan' to spice things up together.
All marriages have their ups and downs, but I am sure you know that.
My advice, just try the counseling before you give up. All that you said is understandable though and valid, you just need to talk to him about it... maybe a counselor might give you some good help.

Answer 8

Once the teenagers are grown and gone, you will rediscover why you married each other in the first place.

If you are still having sex, it can't be all that bad.

Stick with it. You can always separate in the future. Don't throw it away now!

Answer 9

you guys need to start doing things together. This will re-candle the magic that once was there. Don't argue with him. Try to do it twice a month. Once with doing something he likes and then with something you like. Compromise---remember? It's want marraige is all about along with trust, loyalty, and respect. I'm divorced but was married for 10yrs. Things aren't always greener on the other side.

Answer 10

You can't base a marriage on sex, or any relationship, period. You should TALK to your husband, get right within yourself and try and make it work. Opposites don't always attract, but then again, if you can't have a conversation without fighting, there's something definately wrong. If your husband is willing to work at it, then give it one hell of a try, if not, it isn't worth being unhappy or miserable. Life's too short for that! Goodluck!