What is wrong with people...need opinions please?

Question

What is the deal with the way people view marriage today? I've heard several people talk about marriage as though it's not a big deal...if it doesn't work just get a divorce. Do people not really believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore. What happened to the days when people got married and stayed married? I just don't understand what is wrong with the morals of people today. Once I decide to get married, I refuse to get divorced...you don't just walk away from a marriage because it's not working the way you want. Am I the only one in the world that still feels old fashioned about the way marriage should be viewed?

Just for the record I'm talking about people who just give up when there is no abuse or cheating involved.

Answer 1

I have similar views on marriage...divorce is FAR too easy to obtain and people view marriages as disposable.

That being said, I've been divorced once and I will tell you right now that you should NEVER judge every person by the same litmus test.
I was in a HORRIBLY abusive relationship that included mental, physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Combine that with repeated STD's (that HE brought home, not me), and after five years, I'd finally had enough.

So while divorce is an evil thing from certain standpoints, in some instances, its a NECESSARY evil.

Answer 2

While the sentiment is noble, previous experience taught me the hard way that words mean little when it happens to you. Standing at that altar, gazing deep into your loved one's eyes, you have no idea of what the future holds. Eleven years later she says, "I don't love you anymore." No matter how strongly you feel about the vows you took...you cannot force someone to love you. Living in a loveless marriage.. growing more and more hateful every day. A recipe for disaster.

It's all well and good for you to boldly claim "I refuse to get divorced..." but without knowing the facts behind the event...that is beyond naive. While I agree that there are some people out there (see Hollywood for quickest example) who think marriage is nothing but a stunt, not everyone who has gone through the pain of divorce has loose morals. Until you have been married and had the roller coaster ride associated with it...well, don't be pointing your finger at me. You have no idea of what happened in my first marriage..and quite frankly, if she hadn't left, then I would never have found out the true meaning of love.

Answer 3

No, you are not the only one....but there seems to be fewer and fewer people who think like you. I have never been married, but I know that if I ever do marry I will go into it with the understanding that we will work out whatever problems arise and not just walk away without trying....I know that there are some couples who do try and just can not make it work and I know that staying together is not always the best thing for everyone...but I do think that alot of couples just don't even try anymore. I think one thing that leads to that is the ease with which people can divorce. Years ago you had to prove something like infidelity or abuse before you were able to have a marriage dissolved but now you can just both sign a paper and walk away. It's just too easy.

Answer 4

I felt the same way you did until I became married myself. When I met my husband he was the perfect man...came home every night just to spend time with me. I was the light of his life...or so I felt.

I am now one of those people you are talking about who gets a divorce. I am 24 with a 5 yr old daughter and have been married for 5 1/2 yrs. I gave it my all and if you ask any person who lives around here and knows me...they were all wondering when I would finally stand up and leave him.

My husband was abusive. He never hit me, but after the first year of marriage things changed! He went from this great guy to a man who would come home every day to tell me how worthless I was. He tore me down every chance he could get. I knew he was cheating on me but he had told me if I left him then he would take full custody of my daughter and I would never see her again. I stayed miserable out of fear he would really be able to get custody.

I finally left him just over a month ago.What made me finally leave? My 5 yr old daughter asked me why daddy does mean talk to me? Why is daddy so mean to mommy. A 5 yr old should never say that!

So you ask why we get a divorce...some people have good reason to! I think the real question would have been...why did I stay in this marriage for as long as I did?

Answer 5

No you aren't, I too thought when I married I would never divorce. Fact is the laws have made divorce so easy that those of us that really don't believe in it for OURSELVES can refuse divorce all we want the courts will grant the divorce to the one who files. How did things change? Well it use to be that the father worked mom stayed home, the majority of the households now have 2 working parents, and with that said there is less time for communication and one on one with the spouse, it also raises the stress levels with in the home one way (communication barriers, time, etc) but reduces it in others (finances, tax breaks etc.). With all that said it raises the rates of affairs that occur, drinking, drug use, and physical abuse between partners. Therefore increasing the divorce rate. Personally the only way to fix it is make it harder to get married so that we have less people running off doing so and then filing for divorce within a year. There is also the fact that sometimes people change and then personalities conflict. I too never thought I would divorce, but low and behold I am. Never say never, and never judge those that do until you have walked their shoes.

Answer 6

I totally agree with you. It seems like 90% of the married people you know has been through a divorce. I myself have been married for 1 1/2 years and we have had so many problems I can't even begin to tell you. When people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, that is so true. No one wants to wait to see if it's going to work out. It takes time for two people to really get the know each other. It takes time to get used to the other person's ways. I guess people view it as a lot easier to get a divorce than go a year or two that is not all lovey-dovey like it is when you are just dating. But to your question, yes! There are people like you. I am like you. I would rather chew off my own foot than to be in the growing statistics of divorce.

Answer 7

No. But, keep in mind that should your spouse decide they want to leave the marriage and files for divorce, you can't force them to stay married to you. Sometimes people get divorced because they have no choice - the other partner wants out for some reason or another.

I agree with your views and wish the world would take marriage and family more seriously and would get rid of things that hurt marriages and families.

Answer 8

In the past, marriage was a great way for a man to ensure domestic servitude from his wife, and a woman to ensure "being taken care of" i.e. limiting her personal growth and achievement in the pursuit of domestic "bliss".

While I do think that people get divorced all too frequently, I don't know that it's a universally BAD thing. Yes, a family unit can provide structure and security, especially for growing children, but people are also living longer than ever before. The odds of two people getting married young enough to start a family and sustaining 55+ years of togetherness aren't exactly high. People grow and change enormously over a lifetime, and if two people don't give it enough thought or enter into marriage with realistic expectations, shared values, and the willingness to compromise, then the relationship is bound to disintegrate over time.

And yes, in some cases divorce is a way to escape an otherwise abusive or unstable relationship - for both men and women.

My suggestion would be to worry about your own decisions in life, be true to yourself, and stop judging others for choices they make in their own lives.

Answer 9

I felt like you in the beginning but in my situation it changed my thinking... i was married 4 years but when things change and only one of you in a marriage wants to make things work and the other doesnt just wants the financial security why should someone just stay married and live unhappy. I mean you can only be dealt so many blows before you have to change something.

And i went and go into a relationship that a great foundation is based on communication, committment, trust, honesty, respect, passion, romance, and intamacy. Everybody says them but rarely are they practiced relationships and people are taken for granted at least i was so. Its hard to answer your question. hopefully you will never be put in a situation like that. I mean if you were abused, cheated on, not respected years into your marriage what says yeah i want to stay in this...

Answer 10

I agree with you, and have gotten "in trouble" with other answerers on here because of it! People usually have trouble with a marriage because they are immature or selfish.
I've always believed that what would break a marriage up is the three "A"s - Abuse, Addiction, Adultery.
We have been married over 17 years, and have been through really tough times, and not just financially. However, it's because our relationship and our love have grown and deepened over the years that we always make it through to the other side even stronger!