we been marriage over 2 years and through the years we been through our ups and downs and there was things he has done that hurt me and he promiced he would not hurt me again, that he loves me dearly and that he was truely sorry for what he did, but 2 months ago he done something worse then he ever did to me and this hurt me deeply, mainly because i believed him from before that he wasn't goin to hurt me no more.. and he knows my fears and how i feel about certian things and he done it anyways..knowing how it would affect me (but he didn't think i was going to find out)... i believe in marriage "till death do us part", and we are working things out, i know people make mistakes and we are only human but i also strongly believe that we LEARN for our past mistakes and don't do the same things over...if anybody has been in this situation please let me know what u think....willl i ever be able to truely believe and trust my husband like i used to?...
2007-05-22 09:08:25 · 35 answers · asked by sab c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are not clear on exactly what he did, but I don't think that matters. This is a trust issue and there are two things you need to ask yourself. 1.) Does he love me? I believe actions speak louder than words. Do you believe he loves you? be honest with yourself. The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself. 2.) Can I live with someone I don't trust? Once the trust is gone, it takes allot to get it back. Are you willing to forgive and work on forgetting? Is he willing to have the patience to allow you the time needed to earn the trust back?
I know you said you believe in "till death do us part" but does he? We only have one life to live and we are responsible for our own happiness. Others just play a part in it. This is something he has done before and if you give him another chance, he may think you will always give him another chance and another. If you do decide to work things out, you need to let him know if it happens again, you need to make it very clear to him that there will be consequences. ( only you can decide what the consequence will be.) In my experiece, he cheated on me. The trust was gone and I did give him a second chance. I was always wondering if he was doing it again and I knew that I could not live that way. Always wondering if he was just trying harder to hide it better.
2007-05-22 09:46:10 · answer #1 · answered by CARM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question that I have for you is do you have children together?
I have a little story for you, it takes place in 1982. Once upon a time there was an 18 year old girl and a 19 year old boy. They proclaimed their love to each other. Though they were still very young they decided to put their face to the wind and take it all in and get married. After three years the boy decided that he didn’t want to be married any more. His poor expectant wife, wanted to work things out. He decided "hey since we are planning on getting divorced after the baby is born I can start sleeping with other women."
The poor expectant woman knows what’s going on the whole time, he ends up getting another woman pregnant. He realizes what he's done is wrong and chooses to stay with his wife. Well his wife was not quite sure how to take this. After months and months of thinking she decided that she did want to learn to trust him again. And to this day they are still married with 2 kids, and one half siblings in the mix.
My mom left my dad twice after he cheated on her; it took her taking me away to make him realize that he really did want to be with her. I think that you need to take some time and figure out if you are going to be able to trust him again. It seems as if he has done this to you before; but only you can decide this. Not your friends, not your family. Only you. If you feel like it can be worked out suggest counseling. If the two of you have already given up, it might be a bit harder to mend.
2007-05-22 09:29:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will, just not at the same way as before. However, you and your man need to clarify what is causing him to behave in this fashion. Open discussions, no finger pointing, just deal with the issues. Then agree to resolve the issues. Because of love and respect you both will overcome.
The problem gets larger if "finger pointing" and selfishness plays a part.
You and he comes into the relationship with your own personalities, likes , dislikes, habits and dreams. The merging or complementing of these will make the relationship stonger. By sticking out for what you want of what he needs, nobody wins. That is, if you all want to stay married.
Compromise and respect will resolve most issues
2007-05-22 09:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by Glenroy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweety he needs to get into some type of therapy and so do you. I can't honestly say if he is going to cheat again or not. Only he can decide that one. If you two do work out things it is going to take a long long time to get over this pain. I know i've gone through it too many times with mine too and the last one was only 3 months ago.
2007-05-22 09:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 years isn't that long to be married and already have ups and downs. Yes people make mistakes and if they are truly sorry then they work on the problem to insure it will NEVER happen again.
It seems that he knows that he can continue to hurt you because you believe until "Death do you part" but honey it doesn't sound like he's going to change. You might want to seperate and give him space to see what happens.
2007-05-22 09:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by summerB 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When the trust is gone, it is hard to continue the marriage. It has been done though. If you are going to stay with him, you will have to forgive him. This means that you can't bring it up in every argument. It's hard to do though. I believe in till death do us part as well, but does he? Whatever your decision be sure to ask yourself this question, Will I ever be able to trus him again?"
2007-05-22 09:14:24 · answer #6 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have been in the same situation. he cheated on me two times and we are still together, i can trust him but not like i use to. i don't think you will trust him 100% again because you are probably still hurting and still live thinking that someday he will do it again because i go through all these feelings. just listen to your heart. he is not the only guy on earth and you will find many other men that will treat you better. yeah its going to hurt you but believe me you will love others.
2007-05-22 09:21:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody ever trusts anyone 100%. People, even or most loved ones will let us down and hurt us from time to time. Its part of human nature. They key is to communicate and get better, get counseling if you need it and forgive him when you fell led to do so. If however he exhibits a pattern of abuse your safety comes first. Keep trying and get him to talk to a counselor.
2007-05-22 12:55:57 · answer #8 · answered by Rob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like your husband has any intentions of changing. I would try a little longer but be ready to understand that he may not change and you need to move on. Better two years lost than 10 or 20.
2007-05-22 09:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don’t truly trust my husband because of how he hurt me, after discovering him cheating. Honestly, it always remains in the back of my mind. However, time has passed and I have learnt how to manage the feeling of mistrust.
Marriage counselling helped. Also, I came to the realization that his behaviour was wrong and it wasn’t my fault.
2007-05-22 09:17:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋