Do you think he's cheating?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We're both 21 and enjoy going to bars, but we usually can't got to bars together because we have a 2 year old daughter & 1 of us has to stay home with her. Lately, he's been distant to my daughter and me. I heard from a close friend of mine that she saw him hanging on another woman at the bar 1 night. I confronted him and he denied it, but it's still in the back of my mind. Saturday, he went out with his friends and he came home smelling like perfume that I don't wear! I then proceeded to search his car and I found a pair of woman's panties that definitely aren't mine. He says they're from a woman that his friend hooked up with, but I don't know if I should believe him. Do you think he's cheating on me or am I just being paranoid?

Thanks everyone. I know it seems foolish to let him go to the bars with his buddies and without me, but our daughter is quite the handful and I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone with someone else & we live 5 hours away from my parents & 10 hours away from his, so that's not an option. I think I'm going to have one of my friends watch her for a little while so I can spy on him. The problem is, finding him when he's out. I still feel like I'm being paranoid, though.

He's the only man that I've ever been with in my entire life. We've been together since we were 14 & I don't want to lose him like this!

Answer 1

Yes, I think he's cheating. It's pretty obvious. He's making you feel paranoid because he's denying it. See a marriage counsellor or force him to stop going to bars without you. I know you probably can't do the latter one, but it's worth a try. I feel sorry for you. Your husband sounds like a big jerk and he's not worth your time nor energy. I feel worse for your daughter, though. She's the victim in this, not you or your husband.

Answer 2

If you found woman's panties in his car, I'd be sure he's cheating. I don't know about you, but I don't know a guy who would let is friend have sex in his car. And smelling like perfume when he comes home, I'm sure he is. What I would do is let him go out on Saturday, but secretly get a babysitter that night and go to the same bar like half an hour to an hour later and see if there's another woman with him.

Answer 3

Okay-why would he lend his car to his friend for him to hook up with somone? That just doesn't make sense. Trust your gut. Usually the simplest explanation is the correct one: if he's been distant, he smelled like some other woman's perfume and there was another woman's panties in his car, he was most likely cheating. What makes me mad is that he's also treating you like you're stupid-the facts are right there, and he tries to make you think you're paranoid!
Why in the world did you guys decide to start going to bars alone? Why not get a babysitter and go together? Married couples don't go to bars alone-if you can't go together, stay home together. Or go together someplace you can take your girl.
You might need to catch him in action before he admits to what he's doing-some other posters gave great suggestions on how to do that. Just don't get into trouble legally, okay? You're going to need to be there for your daughter.
If you catch him or you get him to admit his cheating on his own, you will need to sit him down and have a very, very serious talk with him-he needs to stop this behavior, and you guys need to decide what you're going to do about your marriage, if you can trust him again. You might need to consider counseling, or start considering what you're going to do to fend for yourself with your girl.
I'm sorry. Best of luck.

Answer 4

I can't believe you are so naive. If you are even asking this question and feeling the way you do, does this Question really need to be analyzed.....You know the answer in your heart already don't you....Wake up girl and confront him hard because you know he is cheating. If not, get a babysitter the night he go's out and investigate..The truth always comes out..It just sometimes take a little time...He is definitely cheating and I think you already know that.....

Answer 5

He is dipping on the side.

But what do you expect? Both of you are just overgrown kids somehow married. And now there is an extra burden of a child. He is really not mature enough to be a husband or a father. Nor are you. He wants his free lifestyle back.

Understand the root cause. His cheating is just a manifestation and he won't stop.

Answer 6

Exactly what did you think would happen if you and him kept going to bars without each other? He has found someone else and you have no one to blame but yourself. Don't you dare blame him as you wanted him to go out on you. He knew it was just a question of time until either him or you hooked up with someone else. I guess he didn't want to be the one on the outside of that deal.

Next time think before doing foolish things...bars LOL.

Answer 7

you're not paranoid, you are dead on and he is going to lie and deny everything even in the face of proof...do you actually think he is just going to break down and admit to cheating?? Heck no he has too much to lose. He can say the panties are his friends but that doesn't make sense....because it is YOUR hubby that smells of another womans perfume....even my 6th sense feels he is a liar and I don't even know you!

Answer 8

If i was you i would get a babysitter an go out the same night he does an to the same bar an catch him in the act a then take him for all he is got an make him pay as much child support as u can get out of him......... GOOD LUCK an it will work trust me

Answer 9

Innocent till proven guilty I say. I know you have a good idea that he is cheating but give him the benefit of the doubt and get some proof before you go crazy. If and when you catch him nail his butt and its your decision too give him a second chance , by all means you need too catch him in the act and let fate do the rest. God bless

Answer 10

oh girl...I didn't have the evidence you did and I still knew my husband was cheating. Dont be in denial, you know he is and u are just looking for us to confurm it. He is playin you like a violin, dont let him use your doubts against you. Thats what mine did. He said, I just have trust issues and that it was all in my mind. Then low and behold, I confronted the girl that I thought he was messin around with and guess what?? She admitted it...once he knew that she had told me he confessed. Dont wait that long. Get your sh*t, take a shot of bravery, and walk out on his sorry ***.