My sister has two boys and wants to have a third, hoping for a girl. I have told her now that she has both of her boys in school, she should think about returning to school or working. Her husband is constantly putting her down, telling her how lazy she is and that if she were to hold a job, she wouldn't be making much money anyway. I told her that she she get off her butt and get a job so that she starts earning some respect for herself and get rid of him if he continues to treat her that way. She is insistent on having a third child. Any suggestions?
2007-05-22 08:41:05 · 28 answers · asked by Curious1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Her marriage and her children are her business. Although you don't like the way she's treated (nor do I), it's up to her as to how much she wants to put up with. While neither you nor I would ever tolerate such behavior and would seek to improve ourselves in order to remove ourselves from the situation, she obviously doesn't want to and is happy remaining where she is. You can't fix what she doesn't think is broken. All you can do is pray that she comes to her senses. Not much help bu that's just the way it is. Good luck.
2007-05-22 08:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like sis has been beaten down psychologically by that "loving husband" of hers. She probably thinks the only thing she can do well is pop up babies. Poor thing lacks confidence in herself. And - I hate to tell ya but you didn't help the situation much with the way you "phrased" your suggestion that "she get off her butt and get a job so that she (can) start earning some respect for herself!" I'm sure you really made her feel good with that one!
Whether or not they decide to have more children or not is no body's business but theirs. As far as suggestions for you go: If you can't think of a better way to be supportive of your sister - you best bet is to Close your mouth and nice and quietly walk away.
2007-05-22 15:52:13 · answer #2 · answered by cleesurrey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that's the way he treats her. Why in the world would she want to have another child by that idiot. I agree with you. She should try to earn an income of her own. And send him flying. Or maybe she likes being a house wife. And now that the kids are in school she wants a little one to keep her busy. Or maybe she is lonely. Whatever the reason tell her it wouldn't be a good idea. I feel bad for the children. I know so many women that complain about taking care of the kids. And all they can't do because of the kids. Yet that didn't stop them from having many. My mother was one of those idiots.
2007-05-22 15:53:11 · answer #3 · answered by Sunset 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advising her to return to school is a wonderful thing!
Chances are, from the way it sounds, she's probably going to try to have another child. But that's ok. Relax, no matter what she chooses, she will survive.
Hopefully she will go back to school. But sometimes finances do not allow that, so she would be better off going to work.
Her husband might be right in one respect, she probably won't make much money if she returns to work. But, it would be cheaper than having another baby!
Keep advising her to go to school, even if it has to be part time. Don't push too hard, so that she doesn't avoid you.
She could even try to work part time and go to school part time. But if she gets pregnant, then you will have to support her in that as well. I hope they have good insurance.
Either way, time will take care of her, and you.
2007-05-22 15:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by wwjd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason she might want a child is because she thinks that he will stop treating her the way he does. She needs to understand that having a child won't change anything but make things worst for her and her family. Is good that you're telling her to go back to school maybe that will change her prospective in life.
2007-05-22 15:54:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've givin her your opinion and advice and thats really all you can do. Whether or not she chooses to follow that is ultimately up to her. Let her know that you'll support her with whatever decision she makes (even if it does come back to bite her in the .....). Does she want to girl because she's lonely for "girl" time? It really could be that simple...she misses doing "girly" things (after all, she's surrounded by an a$$ husband and two little boys)...she may just need that quality girl time...we all do.
2007-05-22 15:49:01 · answer #6 · answered by JustBeingMe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Your sister has to live her own life whether or not you approve of it. She is not ready to give up on her husband and she may never be ready. What you can do is be there for her and talk about things you both have in common or can agree on rather than harp on her about her marriage and life.
I think if the situation was reversed, you would want the same. When you love someone, you love the whole person, just as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be.
2007-05-22 15:46:00 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she thinks that her marriage is strong enough that another child is wanted, then that is fine. Inform her what risks she is taking and if her husband abuses her verbally and emotionally then she must realize that he is not the right one. Marriage counsuling is a factor that may help her, even a psychiatrist could posibly help her situation. What ever she does, always help her and stand by her said with whatever decision she makes.
2007-05-22 15:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by kaching5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has it occured to her that she could have another boy? Where is the limit? After 4? 5? 8? 16?!
Your advice is right on but she doesn't want to hear it. Don't you understand why these women tolerate abuse? THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO WORK. It's that simple. They will sacrifice their children, their pets, their own empowerment, everything just so they don't have to get off their butt and get a job.
2007-05-22 15:47:35 · answer #9 · answered by D 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well there is not much you can do. Tell her you will just watch her on Nanny 911 in a couple of years......
I hope she has another boy to disrespect her when he grows up. I cannot stand people that try to play God.
2007-05-22 15:46:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋