Sex before Marriage?

Question

Well, my fiance and I haven't had sex... we're getting married in October of this year...
Last weekend, I went to visit her and one night it got really late, a little wine was involved, and ended up groaping a lot. She grabbed me, I grabbed her kind of thing... anyways, one thing led to the next and she was having an orgasm (I repeat, we did not have sex, it was a handjob, I suppose.)

Anyhow, I feel really badly about it... we've mad it so far without having intercourse... I feel like I let her down, because I know she was counting on me to be strong. Well. I wasn't. She's sad about it... I'm mad at myself about it...

What are your thoughts? It's not like it's over, we're still getting married... we talked about it already, and probably will do some more talking. I love her... I know that. I don't want anyone else but her. Should I feel bad? How can i get over my frustration with myself? How can i communicate to her that I love her and that I am sorry?

Actually, to ignoramous, we are 26 and 24.

You're stupid.

Also, I've already made dinner plans for this saturday night... she'll be in town. I think the reason it's so hard is because our relationship right now IS long distance... ugh. It sucks.

I've already apologized, sincerly, told her I loved her... I told her that it would not happen again until the wedding night. I do love her. I do respect her.

It's hard to find... alternative ways to express my love to her, because sex is the natural way to do it. Well, I understand. She has forgiven me, she's not mad at me (a little mad at herself, though) and we've both forgiven each other for it.

It's just that I still feel badly. The worst feeling in the world is to think you let someone down. Especially the person you love most. It's hard. That's all.

Answer 1

I think you have both done well to last this long. You WERE strong cos you didn't actually have sex. don't beat yourself up, it was done in love.

Answer 2

Honestly, come together and pray about it. My husband and I found it incredibly hard to wait for marriage and we did some things we shouldn't have done. In the end, we created a list of rules, including where we could touch and could not, we couldn't see each other after 10 PM, etc. We then gave copies of the lists to trusted, older friends/ parents who would hold us accountable and ask us how we were doing, if we were struggling, and such. And then, of course, we prayed and put God first. If it wasn't for God's forgiveness, grace, and goodness, I don't think we would be together today. This June we'll be celebrating our first anniversary : D

Also, keep in mind (as an incentive, maybe?) the less you touch now, the sweeter and more AMAZING your wedding night will be! I mean, there was a lot we didn't know, but what fun to grow and discover together. Also, whenever you feel tempted beforehand, don't think, just run. As you found out, it's not worth it. But when the day of your wedding comes, it will feel so good, like you've accomplished something huge. I mean, how many people in the world can wait until marriage to have sex? Not many...not many at all. But don't feel bad, it's not going to change anything (trust me). Move on, learn from you mistake. To show your love, pray with her, and look forward to your beautiful wedding to come! It's not far off : D Good luck!

Answer 3

That's very sweet and romantic that you feel the way you do...

Being upset with yourself isn't going to solve anything...Technically you didn't actually have sex....There's no harm...she probably has orgasms all the time and doesn't tell you....Most women do...And she's probably done it to her self and not told you...

Now I don't know you or her but I am a women and I have gotten to the point were I wanted someone but I wanted to wait and all I could do was touch myself to get me from thinking of making a move that I would have regret....So, you both are still getting married...Tell her how much you love her and that you can't wait to be with her on your weeding night and how you feel about what happened....

You both are strong and that you will get over it and get married and be happy...She shouldn't be to messed up about it....That probably relieved some built up stress she had....I would be thanking you not fussing at you...

Stop worring and plan your wedding and get married and move on....Good luck!

Answer 4

Oh sweetheart, you should feel anything but bad about the situation. You didn't actually have sex but you did bring her to an orgasm...good for you! She should be relieved and not upset with you. At least now she knows that you are capable of satisfying her sexually. It is scientifically suggested that most successful marriages are attributed to a satisfactory sex life.

As far as feeling frustrated: STOP! She, just like you, is HUMAN! Do NOT beat yourself up because BOTH of you were giving in to some perfectly natural urges.

If you truly want to stay virgins until you are married, I suggest to put a halt on the fooling around business until the wedding night. At that point, consummate away!!

Answer 5

I don't think you guys did anything wrong. it's just something that happened at the heat of the moment. it's perfectly fine to feel the way you do.

If you really wanna wait until marriage just try not to be alone all the time,make sure people are always around. like go to the movies instead of watching the movie at home alone, that way you won't be temped to do things since other people will be around.

go to a restaurent , or go to the park.it's nice to know theres some people out there still saving their virginity for marriage.congrats and good luck. you guys should have a one on one talk and don't stress over what happened.

Answer 6

Don't beat yourself up over it. Do talk it over with her. Tell her you are sorry that you have not held up to the standards you have set for yourselves. Then genuinely ask her to forgive you. If you have trouble staying apart, then try to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you won't be able to control yourself. Also, be sure you take care of the medical portion of your sex life PRIOR to October. For example, if you will choose birth control pills, make sure she is on them for a couple of months before the honeymoon and has had alll of the necessary doctor visits, etcetera.
You can get the book "sheet music" or other similar book for advice prior to the big day. The person who said first time sex is painful for women is wrong. He just wasn't doing it right, LOL. That is why the book will help, start out on the right track. Best wishes to you.

Answer 7

I've went through some similar feelings. The main thing is that you don't give up and just start giving into the behavior if its important for both of you to wait.

Believe me, you can rebound from that and make it to your wedding, and you'll be really glad you did.

Even if down the road you guys fail again, just try to stay strong and keep trying to make it to your wedding.

You best tell her you are sorry by regrouping and let her know you intend to wait until marriage and that you will try to not go as far from now until your wedding. I don't know how else you tell her what you feel. Actions loom bigger than words.

Answer 8

If you are engaged and you both know that you are with the one you are going to marry I think it okay that tjhis took place.
I think if you are saving yourslef for the one you are going to marry and well something happens before you actually tie the knot oh well it happens the only thing you can do now is follow through with your plans of getting married and screw each others brains out when you actually have tied the knot.

I look at pre-marital sex as being promicscous with many people. Rather then having some intimate relations with your future spouse. Sometimes I think it just impossible to hold back your feelings and desires to be with the one you love.

Answer 9

Well don't feel bad about it's natural another thing if this is something you guys weren't ok with then why mess around and give you a hand job look let her know that what happened maybe shouldn't of happened and that the wedding is going to be special there is nothing as the actual thing. But please don't fell bad just stay with your promise till your wedding day i hope the best for you two.

Answer 10

well just tell her that u don't regret what u both did because you did it to each other no like she went out or you went out and did it to someone else. Just tell her that is she at least enjoyed it that there will be alot more of that when you get married and that you feel extremely turned on by her and can't see yourself pleasuring anyone else but her the rest of your life & that's it. DOn't feel bad!! you;ll be fine at least you didn't go all the way so if you don't wanna do it before you get married keep from being alone with her because next time you will for sure wanna go all the way & finish what you started. Take care & enjoy her when you get married!!

Answer 11

Well you haven't had sex as most of us define it, so your okay there. If she had an orgasm, then she's just as guilty as you are, if you can call it guilt. She probably feels just as bad for that matter. I woudn't worry about it man, things happen. At least you love each other and are saving the actual 'sex' for marrage. heck, young teens are doing what you guys did according to the media, that might be a concern...but like i said, if your getting married and your of age or close to it, it's all good. Good luck.