i was 21 two week ago........this evening i came home from work?

Question

and i was suspicious of my dad........and my suspicions were right he had been drinkin and he is an alcoholic........im totally fed up with livin with this if had been drink free for ten years until my mother died since then he is always on and off the drink....im so tired and frustrated but not much so any more as i attend alano(for those of u who dont know what alanon is.....its an aa version but for families who live with addicts or alcoholics)_any way lately i have been planning to go to australia for a year.......now im certain i want to go but the sooner i go the better in my eyes....now not that i dont love my dad i do.....but no one loves an alcoholic its hard to live with.......thanks for leaving me ramble sorry for those of u who done like a whiner but u have a choice to read this or not...as i have the choice to post this

Answer 1

Before you move anywhere, have it out with your Dad. He is obviously grieving for his wife(your mom). That is why he went back on the drink having abstained for 10 years. The fear of losing you might be the wake up call he needs. If all fruit fails, you have to consider your own life, and take whatever course of action which benefits YOU the most.

Answer 2

What is your question?. If it is should I go to Australia I would say yes you will not do yourself any good by sticking around to watch your dad drown his sorrows with another bottle of booze. Loosing his wife though I would cut the guy some slack. I think it normal for alot of people when they lose a loved one to f\have a few drinks and well if your dad was a recovering alcoholic it is not a shock that he reverted back to it in this tragedy. I think it good that you found help with alanon
and that you have the choice to go somewhere to let loose
you are young and should experience the world for what it has to offer. Go for a couple of weeks or whatever then when you get back who knows maybe your dad will have cleaned himself up.

Remember everyone deals with loss in there own way.

God Bless and Best Wishes you can always look at an interventiuon when you return if your dad is still off the wagon.

Answer 3

From personal experience I know what you're going through. I also attended ALANON but it made no difference because my ex-husband did not believe he had a drinking problem and he blamed me for his drinking.
Your father needs to accept he has a drinking problem and do something about it. It sounds as if he has found help before and quit so he needs to do this again. He cannot expect you to do it for him.
You are young, you don't need to carry the burden of his drinking. If Australia has good things to offer you then you need to seriously consider it.

Answer 4

I hear ya and I had the same thing in the family but an addict to drugs more than acohol. I got to the point in my life that I hated my father for so long that I had to let go finally if I want to be happy. I realized that I can't help him if he don't want to be helped but it took a big tragedy like his mother and friend dying to wake him up. I was lucky that my father got off the drugs and gone straight for the past 2 years but there are times I wonder if he will ever go back since I will be moving in my finace and he will have to take care of my mother emotionally and socially. He do take care of her financially but not emotionally at times but he is getting better.

All I can say is hang in there and don't give up on your father. Just love him the best way you can and go on with your life. Knowing that you can't help him unless he wants help; there aren't much you can do at this point.

Answer 5

At age 21 you are in a position to go where you choose.
There are ways you can help your dad. Take a holiday with him or go and spend some time together.
He is likely to be depressed and lonely too by the sounds of things.
We each have our faults, and you should not be so hard on your dad for his habbits.
After all, life is not without its pressures.

Enjoy your dad.

Answer 6

I'm sorry for your situation, but your Father has a disease. Alcoholism is a disease not a choice. Apparently the death of your mother sent him into a deep depression. It sounds to me that he needs help and the support of his loved ones. I know this is not easy. Because you can't help someone who does not help themselves. Prayer is another thing to do to help. I pray he does not get violent or abussive with you when he drinks. You are 21 and can move out if it is not safe.

Answer 7

I'm so glad you are getting support for this. Will your dad attend aa? You shouldn't let his illness stop you from having your own life. Look forward to Australia, you will have a blast. Does your dad have some friends or relatives who can look out for him while you are away?

Good luck x

Answer 8

Just ramble on.. it's usually helpful if you want to clear your thoughts. My father is an alcoholic (been sober for 15 years now) and I know how hard it is. But you need to live your own life. You are not responsible for him and I think the distance might do you both good. It doesn't mean you've stopped loving or caring and I'm sure he'll know that. Good luck with your future, you'll be ok!

Answer 9

Have you told him how frustrated you are about his behaviour and addiction? If not then you should, before you go away. Try not to argue with him but tell him how disappointed you are, that you love him and when you come back home you would like to find that he has tried to help himself for your mums sake(emotional blackmail, it could help). Keep in touch with your dad while your away and update him where you are, that's very important, he will worry while your away so he needs to know. Send him photographs, and postcards so that he can subconsciously go away with you. Last thing, your a brave lass who has had alot of things to cope with, so enjoy yourself and keep safe.

Answer 10

hi....i know how you feel, my mother married into a family full of them so for the best part of my life i saw this lot destroy my family, it had big affects on us as kids, we saw and heard alot of bad stuff....since her husband died (not my dad) not one of them have shown their faces...so because he was dead they had nowhere to sit all day getting drunk, he used to allow them in our home every single day and they would be sat there stinking drunk and being abusive to my mother, she never opened her mouth because he was also a violent man and it got worse when he was drunk, so she used to keep quiet, when he died we were much older by that time, so we put a stop to it, we got them all together and threw them out one by one...they thought that just because he died that they could still use our home as a drop in center for the drunk people, but that didn't happen...we got shut...it was only then that we all got our lives back to normal and began living again...before that i watched my OWN family crumble around me...it was a living hell...not one of them cared... all they did was drink day in and day out...as soon as i was old enough to leave home, i did and it was the first time i actually made a decision on my own, so you get out there and you live your life...your dad has chose this path and only he can take a different direction, you cannot help him, he has to help himself first...so get out there and enjoy your freedom.....go to Oz and live your life to it's fullest....good for you...i do know where your coming from, it's a very dark place when your stuck with a victim of alcoholism....i know you love your dad but you have a life and need to live it....you're only 21...don't let him drag you down with him, i know he's been through a hard time losing your mum, but he's not the only one who's had a hard time dealing with it...you have dealt with it, so why can't he, drink is not the answer......good luck....