once a cheater always a cheater?

Question

i donno i think i need a male honest perspective about this...we all have heard "once a cheater always a cheate"...i really hope this not true, why i ask this is because i am married and my husband has done things that have really hurt me and each time it involved woman, and each time he only stpped because i caught him, and each time he would tell me he was sorry and he swore he would not hurt me again or do what he did...now i am finding it harder to truely believe him, i love him with all my heart but i am so00o0oo scared he is gonna do it again or he might just be sayin what he is sayin right now and things might change down the road...please help me and tell me what u htink about this?????...please!!!

Answer 1

Yes I do believe once a cheater, always a cheater. But, I also believe that if people want to truly change than they can. Have you shown your man that you will no longer tolerate his cheating ways? If he feels that you will never leave him for good then he will never stop. He needs to feel that he has something to loose if he keeps it up. My husband of almost 10 years was a perpetual cheater until we separated for almost a year. During that time he got counseling and then we began couples therapy. This helped me deal with his unfaithfulness and I was able to begin to heal and trust again. You got to show him what life would be like without you for him to ever fully be able to appreciate you. Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

It is real hard to say whether or not a man will cheat again. Some men truly repent and do not cheat again, others truly has a track history and do it no sooner then the wife looks the other way. But, I'm concerned about you and your mental state of well being. When a man cheats it make us feel inadequate and insecure. But the best way to deal with a cheater is to set boundaries and when those boundaries are crossed we say what we mean and mean what we say. Remember, we have no control over other people if they have it set up in their mind that they are going to cheat than they are going to cheat. The question is what are you prepared to do when this happens again. Sometimes we can love someone so much that no matter what they do we are willing to turn the other cheek. Good luck I pray he changes but if he don't I hope you handle it with respect for yourself.

Answer 3

It is nice and all that you love this guy but it does not sound like he loves, cares or respects you in the least. If you love someone you do not intentionally hurt them him knowing he was doing this when he cheated on you. I think you have given this guy way to many chances already it sounds like he has thrown any respect for you down the toilet.

I think you need to find a guy that will truly love and support you because this guy only loves the sex and was never ready for the commitment to you in the first place. This guy is a player and he ain't going to stop he'll just stop until you think he won't do it again then he will. The saying was made up for guy's like this.

I'm sorry but in reality the only smart thing to do would be to get a divorce before he can hurt you again by his selfish inmature ways.

God Bless and Best Wishes

Answer 4

Obviously he does not respect you, nor the relationship. Instead of hanging around with this loser, pick yourself up, get some self-respect and find yourself, before you try to find a man. Once a cheater, always a cheater, it is true, and don't let anyone tell you any different. Under no circumstances would I cheat on my wife, for a very simple reason, love and respect(plus you can't get any hotter than my wife.....BONUS!!!) :) but either way, if she wasn't gorgeous beyond belief, it wouldn't happen either, because of love and respect, something your relationship is seriously lacking. Drop the bum, and move on, it really is that simple. You will be much happier.

Answer 5

There's more going on than just a casual thing or an indescretion. He's got something going on. Talk to him and really really make it clear that this isn't ok. That you've had enough. That the next slip up he's out on his a$$

That being said, what is he getting from these other women that he's not getting or can't get from you. Maybe you need to look at spicing up the loving a bit if you're going to stay with him.

So, what I'm telling you is a two pronged approach. Give him no reason to look outside and let him know that if he goes outside, he might as well stay gone...

Answer 6

I am very sorry you are going through this :( What I have to say about the subject is this... A person any person man or woman will change only if they want to change.. if your husband really wants to stop cheating he will... If he does not he wont.. What you have to try and figure out is if he is sincere does he really feel bad and want to quit?? If he does I dont think he would repeat the mistake after all its only a mistake the first time he does it after that there are no excuses. So basically what you will have to decide now is do I want to wait for him to cheat on me again? Or do I want to change things and make my own life? Its up to you hun but if you keep letting him cheat he will keep on doing it. If he is sincere he might want to see a marriage counselor.

Answer 7

I would like to tell you this is not true, however, in most cases it is. Rarely can you find someone that cheats that never does it again.

What causes most people to cheat, is that there is some need (usually emotional for women, physical for men) that is not getting satified by there spouce or significant other. The ones that only cheat once are usually the ones that figure out that empty gap in there life and get it filled by there spouce or significant other.

To have the best chance of your husband not cheating or doing what he did to hurt you, is for you to find out what he's getting from whatever it is he doing then fill that need. If you think carefully then you will probibly find that he has asked you for it in the passed and you refused. If your unable to figure it out (he may not even be aware of it). seek profesional counciling to locate the problem and go from there.

Good luck

Answer 8

You can't apply a phrase like that to an entire population of people; of course there will always be exceptions. However, you have written that your husband has cheated multiple times. It doesn't look like he's interested in changing his ways, and why should he if you keep taking him back? I know you love him, but he isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Leaving him may seem hard, but you will look back on it one day and know that it was the best thing you could have done for yourself.

Please also get tested for STDs as soon as possible! Not only is he hurting you emotionally, but he is putting your health at risk.

Good luck and strength to you.

Answer 9

Being honest here - but you should have cut him loose the first time you caught him. Especially if he has KEPT on cheating. What makes you think he's going to stop???
He's not as long as he knows you're always going to be there to take him back and support him.
Cut him loose and do yourself a favor and find a good man.
Your hubby probably will disappoint you again and cheat, sorry to say.
Good luck!

Answer 10

I don't think he is going to change either, sweetie. I am sorry. The old adage is true. If he lacks the moral fibre to keep a commitment and be loyal, do you really want him? That is what you will ask yourself in the end. And I think you know what the answer will be. But it hurts. And we hang on to hope with all our hearts. It is just too bad there is so much betrayal and pain in life. It really is. And I feel for you. If there were only something you could do to fix it! But there isn't, sweetie. And that is really too bad . . . .