Not enough sex, how do you men deal with it?

Question

I am recently married, less than a year, and absolutely adore & love my wife, I have an extremely high sex drive, and warned my wife of it before, we were married, and before we were married, she did a great job to take care of that... As the time goes on, it goes longer and longer between each time we have sex, sometimes I get the "headache" or the "still sore from the other day", Quite honestly, before I married my wife, I attempted to make it quite clear, that I needed a lady in the street and pretty much a flat out whore when it comes to sex, and she was fine with that before...... Women wonder why there men cheat.... I can almost understand why, I am going crazy with all this frustration bulit up in my head....

When we DO have sex, we have great sex, and I know she cums. There is no denying that she's a squirter..

As to the comment of "pipe down and take care of yourself", yea, just not into self gratification stareing into empty space, like many women do to there men, I am not allowed to have porn / watch porn. Well I get told I can, but then get screamed at for doing so.

Yes, we do plenty of other things, I take her out just about every weekend, were ever she would like to go. Go shopping, even sit in victoria secrets for hours while she shops... I am good supportive husband, so many man bashers on here it makes me sick.

Answer 1

As I read some of the other answers they touch on some areas of what you are going through, however, when I take them overall what I see is that you should ask some questions. First, why would she regulate you watching porn? Second, what do you regulate for her that she is not getting? We're getting close to the answer. Is there anything in life she wants that she does not get or cannot have? I didn't think so. She probably gets everything she wants but doles out and rations your sexual life. Well, remember, her authority stops with her participation in the act. She may choose to participate or not. If she chooses not, then I really cannot see where her say continues, unless of course, you allow her too. Remember you are individuals as well and knowing you have a need does not necessarily mean that because she doesn't want to participate that the event is cancelled, it just means she has opted not to be a part. The act that follows without her, in the absence of her participation, should not be susceptable to critique. If you do not want to join, do not tell me what to do or not to do as it is your need not hers. If she will not take care of the needs, then directing how you take care of them should be off limits, regardless. There are very few places where anyone is able to control any event without being involved in some way, unless your a feminist, lobbyist, politician etc. Maybe it is time for you to realign your areas of authority with her. In my book, marriage is 50%, meaning that if you participate we will jointly make policy or decisions. Events that the partner gives up that 50% then there is automatically 100% goes to the other partner. It makes sense and it is fair. There is no requirement for her to participate unless she so desires, or should not be any pressure to hop into the sack with you, but in that event she forfiets the right to say anything about the event. Stand your ground and ensure she has everything she needs in life. The things she wants trade her, if you choose not to be involved I will bet she tells you that, doesn't she. Like, well you weren't there and I had to do it by myself! Sound familiar? What works for one works for both. If she complaints that the time you take for the event without her is her time then there is another conversation about needs and time. Maybe she could take up a hobby or something. Diplomatically there is a way to deal with the situation and find solutions as that is what marriage is. All too often women think that because of marriage that all of their time is theirs and all of your time is their's also. They are very creative at using that so be just as creative but be courteous and be fair. Fairness just kills them especially if you are right. Your individuals that married, not one becoming a slave to the other and you should stand tough on that issue. 50% is a lot, until you give up your 50% and realize that it leaves you with 0. Authority is shared when the burden or responsibility is shared between equally. She is not responsible for your sexual gratification and by the same token she should not dictate how, when, or what because if she does she might have to contend with who and where. Once those are in the formula, the edge is gone and probably so is the marriage. That is why the divorce rate is so high is because women think that marriage automatically puts them in charge of you, belief in that is power and women are driven by power. Good luck.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I dont deal with it very well. This June marks six years without sex with my wife. I get very upset about it at times. She acts as though it is a subject that shouldn't be discussed or considered. We have been married 26 years. When we met we were like rabbits. I love her to death, but there are times when the frustration builds to a point that is awful. I should have known something was up, because when we met she had been going to a gym and working out to lose weight and be more attractive. It worked. She was great. The first year of our marriage, we had to move away from her home town because of a transfer and she went into a funk and gained 80 lbs. I never criticized her. I was supportive to the nth degree. I didn't want to appear to be judging her on her weight alone. What I discovered later is that she lost that weight to catch a guy, then once she caught him (me) she didn't care anymore. I still love her, but she doesn't give a darn about how I feel about all of this. I guess what bothers me now is that now that I am beginning to reach a point where I can't accept this anymore - I am too old and tired to do anything about it. It sucks, but that is life, I guess...

Answer 4

You say you adore her and you love her.....Do you adore and love more than just the sex??? Why don't you try a different approach.... Compliment her on the smallest thing, be interested in her life and her thoughts, dreams etc. For a women sex is not all physical... To get us in the mood we want to feel wanted and not just for the sex.....You obviously are not approaching her in the right way. You stated that you warned her in the beginning. Warned her of what? That her main job was going to be sexually satisfying you? That gets old and boring after a while... What will keep the fires burning in the future??? If you love her you had better change your ways or you will end up with a flat out whore!!!!

Answer 5

Do you take the time to be with your wife other then having sex with her? I can tell you this, if you ONLY pay attention to her when you want a Little something something then that might be the problem. I must say, The fact that you talked about your sex drive before you married is great. You made it clear what your needs are. Now you might want to think of hers.

Answer 6

If your marriage is important, cheating should never be an option. If she is stressed out, she may be too tired for sex. If you feel you have no other option, cheat and be prepared to lose her. A lady in the street won;t love you like a wife and all you get is mindless sex.

Answer 7

Mirroring back her behavior can teach her better then trying to explain how it effects you or whatever.

When she is in the same room as you make reservations to a nice restaurant for later in the week, however when the day comes claim to have a head ache or aren't in the mood to got out.

Answer 8

You learn to deal with it, even though the rules and understandings have changed.

I haven't had sex since November 18, 1999.

My question is this: do you involve your wife in the sex or is it the rather brusque "Shut your mouth and open your legs" approach that many men take to sex?

I had a gfriend who had sex everyday, regardless on how his wife felt. He had sex everyday because he could, and it had little to do with love of affection towards his wife

Answer 9

so is sex the only reason you got married? I mean frequency of sexual encounters in marriage go up and down throughout the course of a marriage. You need to concentrate on other aspects of the relationship just as much as you concentrate on sex. Maybe your wife is feeling like a piece of meat and wants you to stop treating her like a humping post...but without hearing your wife's side who knows? Try romancing her and meeting her emotional needs and you'll get your physical needs met as well.


To Jacqueline: I am extremely content with my marriage and enjoy sex with my husband but I am also confident enough to be able to own my feelings and desires and when I don't want it I turn him down without any adverse affects on our marriage.

Answer 10

wait... you ladies are saying he needs help because he wants to have sex with his wife!?!?!?!

Are you nuts?

If you ask me, it's his wife that needs to go to therapy.

Going from a healthy, active sex life to 'i have a headache' is cause to throw up the What the F! flag.

Something isn't right. Could be relationship troubles, could be wifes personal troubles. But having your sex drive shut down like that is a sign of larger problems...