I need some help people, my husband has hurt me really badly and it has been 2 months now but it still hurts and bothers me almost everyday and night, i don't know what to do? I love him dearly but i am afaid that i have not really forgave him, because what he did in my mind is unforgiveable, but i know in order to move on this must be done?..am i right...or should he be patient and deal whith it because he was the one who hurt me and he should help me heal?...i need help people
2007-05-22 07:40:42 · 29 answers · asked by sab c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If the hurt you feel is unforgivable then perhaps you should consider what really means the most to you, and if what he has done is going to effect the rest of your life. No one wants to go through life with a burden on their back, if you honestly feel like you cannot forgive him imagine what your life will become in the future. People hold things like this forever and all it does is build huge resentments, alot of the time if you carry this burden around with you endlessly it can leave alot more of an emotional scar. my suggestion is to weight out the odds and ask yourself if you can live with what's happened and if your willing to truly forgive him for his actions. Remember the vows "for better or worse" this leaves room for error and improvement, However it doesn't mean you have to put up with your spouse's mistakes all the time. We are human and everyone makes mistakes, often times by making these mistakes we learn the true understanding of one another. Take as long as you need to heal, but if in your heart you know he crossed the line and things will never be the same, then do yourself and your husband a favor a close the door to this pain full chapter. Good Luck Sister, and God Bless
2007-05-22 08:04:45 · answer #1 · answered by flowergirlforlife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whew! i am in the same predicament as you are! They say with time the trust will come back and we are supposed to heal. Have you two been to counseling yet? My husband has his own therapist, but i am still waiting for money not to be too tight for me to get my own. The pain will be raw for a while. I know how you feel about it hurting day and night. And i bet everytime he walks out that door to go anywhere you probably go a bit nuts wondering is he is out screwing around again. Like i said i know how you feel. There are good days with me, and days where i just want to get a divorce and move on. I hope that things get better for you. Remember what i said about the counseling.
2007-05-22 07:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it he hurt you with or about or whatever? Hard to answer without all the details.
I can tell you this though, you won't ever forget it, but you can forgive. And you know in your heart if you can do that or not. It will never work if you don't 'try'. Easier said than done though. And it takes time to heal and get past something when you've been hurt really bad... Good luck.
2007-05-22 07:46:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh girl im on the same boat it's really hard i don't want to end up my marriage unlike you i've been married for only 21/2 months but our boyfriend and girlfriend relationship last 6 years he cheated on me last year but he just told me in August and since then i have not been able to forgive him i got married thinking that it was going to be different, but everynight i imagine him with that women having sex and how he didn't care he had a good girl beside him. To be honest i don't know how to deal with this anymore my husband it's trying his hardest to make everything work, he treats me like a queen gives me everything i need and want but once that trust it's broken is really hard to trust again... I THINK WE NEED COUNSELING!!!!! LOL seriously try to go together as a couple i have already talked to my husband about it and he are thinking about that, try to do the same and good luck!
2007-05-22 10:01:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what your talking about because I answered your other question... hun its like this you can accept that hes a cheater and live with it and try to push it out of your mind or you can stand up and walk out... you cant control what he does or will do,, and you cant make him love you... I know your hurting and I am so srry you have to go through this but it all comes down to the 2 things I mentioned you can accept what hes doing (your other questions said multiple times) and live with it or not.. because it seems he does not plan on changing
2007-05-22 08:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he physically hurt you you are out.
If he cheated, then you need more time to forgive, it doesn't come easy, and you must remember that you will never forget. Of course he must make it easy for you to rebuild your trust in him, which he has apparently shattered.
NO one can make up your mind for you, if you feel it was as unforgivable as you say then that is your mindset and you won't forgive him. If you love him and want to try then give yourself time with the understanding that if at the end of the year you still find it as painful as before or that its affected you life with him then end it.
2007-05-22 07:48:15 · answer #6 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not need his help to heal get a professionals help. I responded to your other question and simply stated that you need to get out of this dilemma. I think you just need to carry on with your life he was the one who hurt you so who cares what he may be going through.
Really life is way to short to delay your life of happiness and joy find a new guy or stay single for awhile and just relax. Once you are rid of this scum from your life it will just keep getting better and better.
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-05-22 08:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing your situation makes it difficult to offer advice. However, my best suggestion would be to pray about it. Do you sincerely want to forgive him? If so, then you need to act like it. Treat him with respect and love and consideration, in time it will become part of your real attitude and things will start to change. I've always been taught that you act the part until it becomes real. Also, it is wise to consider what part your actions might have played in his betrayal. None of us is totally innocent. Focusing on improving your relationship and improving yourself could be good first steps to healing yourself and the marriage. Good luck.
2007-05-22 07:46:40 · answer #8 · answered by hallemd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some betrayals are harder to get over than another....
for instance if it was an affair with someone else it would take longer than a couple of months for me to truly forgive and trust my husband again. He would definitely have to be patient and earn my trust.
its hard to know what to say to you when we do not know what the betrayal was. But he definitely needs to not pressure you before you are ready to forgive him or it will probably make it worse.
2007-05-22 09:07:58 · answer #9 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you really still want to make it work?
Is to take it one day at a time and try to forgive him for what he did?
But don't let him think that everything is going to be the way it used to be?
Because hes hurt you and he has to make it up to you, and earn your trust and love back?
I hope that helps.
2007-05-22 07:46:00 · answer #10 · answered by DJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋