My fiance and I want to live together. We each have one child, I have a boy, he a girl. They've been in different middle schools, this year they will go to the same high school. I just bought a house right near the high school, big enough for us all. We both thought moving in during the summer would be a good idea, but now, I wonder. Her friends are near her old house, where they live presently. My son's friends are around us. She bores quickly, and I'm not sure how many trips Dad is willing to make each day back and forth to the old neighborhood (approx. 15 miles away). The kids are finally talking (after having NOT for over a year and a half) which is good, but, will they drive each other crazy in the summer? I'm confused because High School is a big transition, and moving in with another "couple" is a big transition...so what is a good plan????? Move in together over the summer? Wait a bit, like fall break, after HS starts?? Other??? Please help!!!
2007-05-22 07:02:57 · 9 answers · asked by LuckyEddie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Will her friends be going to the same high school, too?
I'd do it at the beginning of August. Gives you all time to get used to being a family before high school starts, but lets her spend some time with her old friends in the old neighborhood. Make the move gradual. Spend lots of family time together, before it happens. And, have her spend time in your neighborhood, too - getting to know the kids around her new home.
2007-05-22 07:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do sit down with everyone and talk about the wants and needs of each member of the family. See if the family as a whole can come up with something. Not only is this helpful in resolving the problem but it also brings the family closer together which is what you want. It is surprising what they might come up with.
It might be helpful to use this format although if you have one of your own that is fine too.
1. Define the problem.
The more people there are the more difficult this is so spend some time on this one. Also if you do not make this clear enough, much time can be wasted while different people are trying to solve the wrong problem.
2. Brainstorm solutions
This is not the time to evaluate the solutions. Anything goes. Try to come up with at least twenty and let some of them be offbeat ones. It is the offbeat ones that can sometimes lead to real solutions. If you start saying things like, no that won't work, then very quickly everyone starts shutting down because they evaluate it in their mind and reject it. Just write down whatever is brought up whether you think it is a good idea or not.
3. Evaluate solutions
Now is the time to go over the solutions and evaluate what will work and what won't. Don't be afraid to pick a couple or a combination of some of them. Always pick a back up plan. Agree as a family that you are going to try the first and if that does not work out, you will try the second.
4. Try whatever it was that you selected.
5. After a few weeks evaluate it.
Did it work? If not then try the back up plan or go back to number 2 and either brainstorm more solutions or try another one.
An alternative might be to wait to move until August just before school so that she gets her summer with her friends and the family eventually gets together.
2007-05-22 07:26:10 · answer #2 · answered by brighterdayscounseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move before school starts. She will adjust and make new friends. All kids are going to fight and rebel at this age. Have her invite friends over for sleep overs and such during the summer. If you two want to be together then the kids are going to have to adjust. Change is big for all teens. Do what is going to make the two of you happy and the kids will benefit from it.
2007-05-22 07:11:02 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the kids about what they think. If they are dead set against the idea, then wait a few years, it wont be that traumatic for you to wait till they are out of highschool. Generally greed takes over and parents have to be together even though it really alienates the kid(s) in this type of situation and that just irritates the heck out of me.
You've known your son longer than you've known your fiance, remember that.
2007-05-22 07:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by Phil C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In 4 years! Do not diminish how much 14 year olds need their parents. They need them to give them full attention, not to turn their backs on them to be chasing someone else. 14 year olds are very insecure and are very angry anyway. It's not easy being 14. They don't need to compete with your attention, when you want to give it to someone else.
Wait until they turn 18 and then get married. Once the kids are out of the house you can do whatever you want.
I mean this serious, and it should be taken serious, it's time now to think of your children, not of yourself. Dividing yourself with another is not putting your children first.
2007-05-22 07:06:36 · answer #5 · answered by John B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the PARENTS. People move all the time.
Move in the minute you have the keys and the place is ready. She might not like it but since when do minors make the decisions? She'll make new friends before you know it!
2007-05-22 07:09:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wonder if you all have sat down and talked this through together. These are not babies they are young adults. Hear them out and then make a decision together.
2007-05-22 07:08:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not move in together until you know all four of you can get along as a family. It isn't easy blending families. You could possibly try family counselling.
2007-05-22 07:08:55 · answer #8 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well u are going to have to sooner or later since your engaged...why didnt they talk before???
2007-05-22 07:12:18 · answer #9 · answered by &&hes such a babe.:.:.LB? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋