My husband of two months doesn't want to have sex!?

Question

We waited until we were married to have sex (for the most part) and now that we are, I am finding out that he doesn't even want it but like once a week! It is the source of many fights because i want to all the time! I thought it was s'posed to be the other way around. Any married ladies out there have the same problem? He understands that I want it a lot, but he's just never in the mood...or he's tired...or it's too late...he always has an excuse. What can I do?

Answer 1

what the hell? that sucks sorry for you...

Answer 2

This is tricky!

One thing I've found is that women tend to want sex a LOT at first, which is not what I was lead to believe through pop culture. But it's the after a while that it gets to be less important. That's why they talk about honeymoon periods and such, women are still into the idea then.

As for him refusing, well it's entirely likely he really is tired and it really is too late at night. I wouldn't say you should schedule your sex, but think about things like his work life, his long shifts at the office or whatever. Maybe do something nice for him beforehand to help him relax and leave his stress behind him. Maybe don't insist on sex every time and just go for something sexy and romantic instead.

In my experience, if men are saying no they usually mean the reasons they give. They're not trained like women to lie about it. But the only way to know is to ask and talk about it openly.

Answer 3

Something isnt right here and I think you need to talk to him about it. You say you waited until you got married and now you are there is still very little sex is there any chance he might be gay? He may just have a very low sex drive either way you need to find out what the problem is because if he doesnt want it now then it wont getting any better as time goes by.

Answer 4

Sexual Styles That Don't Match
Are you a once-a-week person, while your partner is wanting it three times a day? Does the difference in your sex drives cause problems in your relationship? A good sexual relationship is one that is gratifying to both partners ... and Dr. Phil has some advice to get you there.
If your sexual relationship is not living up to your needs, stop complaining and start asking for what you want. This means you first need to look within to identify your needs. When you communicate, be specific.
Do you really know what your partner wants? Find out. Maybe you and your partner are not as far apart as you think. Talk about things when you are both calm and rational. Don't blame each other; talk openly.
Relationships are about negotiation and compromise — and it never stops. Carve out time. Negotiate a plan that works for both of you. Behave your way to success. If you agreed to a plan and it's no longer working for you, sit down together and negotiate a new plan. Partners rarely have the same level of sex drive at the same time. Negotiate for some middle ground that you can both be happy with.
Don't base a relationship on sex. You need love, compassion and caring — and then sex can be a reflection of that. Don't think of it in either/or terms: You can cuddle when it's time for that, have an active sex life as well, and have tremendous love and respect for each other throughout.
Different people have a different language of love. For example, a lot of guys think, "I mowed the yard. Doesn't that say I love you?" Are you speaking a language that your partner understands?
Look at your emotional needs because they affect your sexual relationship as well.
What sexual baggage did you bring to the relationship? For example, if sex defined previous relationships that failed, you may be reluctant to get too sexually active in a new relationship. Look at your history and learn from it.
Don't use sex for the wrong reasons, and burden it or load it up with too much meaning. For example, it shouldn't be a way to validate your partner. It should be an extension of the caring, feeling and respect you have for the other person.
What kind of excuses are you making? If it's that your daughter is going to walk in, "put a cowbell on her," says Dr. Phil. It's OK to lock the door and tell your kids not to disturb Mom and Dad.
Remember that quality, not quantity, is the most important factor.
The choices you make have consequences. For example, if you choose to work, go to school and have a family, you may have very little left to invest in a sexual relationship. Change your behavior and decisions if you want different consequences. Try delegating responsibility if you're too exhausted or over-worked for sex.
The quality of a relationship depends on how well it meets the needs of those involved. Consider your partner's needs as legitimate, and look at how you can meet those needs. Don't label your partner as being wrong or having something wrong with him/her because that dismisses the issue.
Ask yourself or your partner: Are you really too tired? Or are you just tired of him/her?
Are you getting him/her in the mood? If your version of foreplay is "Honey, brace yourself," you may want to try doing things differently. You may need to work a little harder to motivate, inspire, seduce or attract your partner. If your wife is exhausted from a busy day of chasing kids around, try to do some things that will decompress her. Run a bath and let her relax while you put the kids to bed. Even the smallest gesture can seem romantic to your partner.
Talk to your doctor for more information about whether biochemical and hormonal factors can be contributing to a low or high sex drive.

Answer 5

Look to the real underlying problem. Ask him to just be honest with you about it. Maybe he does not like the way you are having sex. Maybe he does not feel he can satisfy you. There could be many reasons but start with simply being honest and talking about it.

Don't let it escalate into a fight, simply talk about it, be open minded and LISTEN to what he has to say with out putting your 2 cents in. You want to find out why not point fingers. Once you have established a reason then you can work with what needs to be adjusted in BOTH your lives.

And remember, it may not work out. You need to be prepared for that possibility. Sex is important but it is not what makes a life long relationship. But it can destroy one.

Answer 6

Get some counselling get to the root of him not wanting sex you are newlyweds you guys should be ripping each others clothes off for atleast the first 6 months to a year. I think your hubby is going through stuff he is unable to talk to you about.
You guys should really seek some counselling now.

Yes you are correct I do believe it is the other way around unless the man is suffering from ED or other health problems.

One other thought maybe he is scared to become a daddy!

God Bless and Best Wishes.

Answer 7

I have been married to a man like that. We married at a young age. While we were dating, no problems. But as soon as we had a marrage license, everything changed. Not only did we not have frequent sex, but when we did, it wasn't worth my time. He became very controlling over me and our finances and verbally/physically abusive. After a couple of years, I found out he had been unfaithful our whole relationship. Try counseling, if that doesn't help, leave while you still have time.

Answer 8

A man who turns down a horny woman, is already having sex. It may be with another woman or it may be with a Man!!
How well did you really know this man? Is he able to get it up? Sounds like he is burning his CANDLE on some other end!! Women can sex up 100 men and still go home and sex up the husband so he won't be suspicious, but men can't burn their candle on both ends. The candle will crack in the middle and become floppy.
Peace

Answer 9

Some people just aren't very sexual. You can't hold that against him though. There also may be something else going on. Maybe there's something going on at work that he's not telling you. Or maybe he's stressed out from getting married. That does happen. Perhaps he has an erectile disfunction. Maybe he should see a doctor. Or even a therapist.

Answer 10

Well, Flying Red, you are apparently going to have to coax him into it. He certainly doesn't sound like any newlywed young man that I ever heard of. When I got married I wanted to do it five times a day. Maybe it is all just too much for him, the responsibility of marriage and all, and this is affecting his desire and performance. So coax him gently into it with sexy clothes and romantic candlelit dinners. I think he will come around.

Answer 11

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