Pregnant....should I stay or should I go?

Question

Ok ladies here's my scenario and I hope someone can give me some good advice :-)

My boyfriend and I recently found out that we are expecting our first child together ( i have 1 from a previous relationship), great news we're very happy yes but 1 problem.....we live in different states.

He wants us (my daughter and i) to move to where he is, but my fears are the following: will I be able to get a job while pregnant? and how soon? will he be able to support us on just 1 salary? and what about our support and help system he has NO family where he is living. what do you think? am i just having a pregnancy paranoid moment? should i stay or should i go? what would you do? help me.



p.s. i have a decent job where i live & my entire family is here.

In case you were wondering, we've known each other for over 10 yrs just so happened that when we got back in touch with one another we were living in separate states. :-(

Answer 1

Stay!! Its hard to get a job when your pregnant.And when you have a baby you always need help even if its just for a shower or to go to the doctors.You need alot of support family and friends are very important.And no your not being paranoid your being a mom.A mom always thinks ahead for the safety of their child and a support system is exactly what all kids need

Answer 2

I have 2 kids one with a different guy and one to a guy i am married to. I know how difficult it is to be a single mother and how wonderful it is to have someone to help you out. However, when i was single i was living by all my family and they were there to help when i really needed a break, being married now we don't live near any family which is very difficult at times, plus we have no real friends here to turn to. If he has lived there for awhile hopefully he would have friends to help you 2 out when you need a much deserved break. Bottom line is ....I think that you should do only what you are comfortable with...maybe have the baby THEN move........that way it would be easier to find a job Good luck =) and Congratulations

Answer 3

I would ask your boyfriend to move to you. I know from experience, that although supposedly employers aren't supposed to use your pregnancy against you when you're applying, they do! I've seen many pregnant women come in where I work to apply, and after they leave, the manager shakes her head (yes, she's also a mom!) and says that she can't go and hire someone who's pregnant. And trust me, you're going to want lots of family around when you first have the baby. You need lots of help while you're recovering from delivery, and adjusting to having to pay attention to your daughter and the new baby.

If your boyfriend won't come to you, then tell him he needs to wait until a couple months after you have the baby, that way you have time to get used to having 2. If you moved now, and couldn't get a job, and had to worry about financial stress, and being away from your family, that would be a lot of strain to put on yourself, which isn't good for your baby, or you.

Answer 4

You need to discuss this with him. Tell him that you most likely would not be able to find another job, because by the time you get everything settled where you are living now and got moved a prospective employer would be able to tell that you are pregnant. Also tell him that it is important to have family around for support. Ask him about bills, rent, medical, etc. Since you would most likely be out of work he would be responsible for all of your medical bills. Ask about his financial situation. You don't want to move your daughter into a poverty situation. You also have to consider that if you have any medical insurance, you will lose that and all medical expenses have to be paid out of pocket if you move.

Answer 5

I guess its a personal preference. But I have lived 800 miles away from my family while I was pregnant along with my other children and it was HARD. I come from a close knit family so eventually we moved back to Georgia where my family is.So I would say check it out find out what the job situation and school systems are like where your bf is then talk it over with him and decide whether or not it would be better to move there with him or possibly have him relocate to where you live.

Answer 6

I think staying where you are now is going to be the best for not only you, but your first child and the child you are expecting. You have family there to help you. You are currently working and you do not have the fear of money. Wait until the baby is born, then move to where he is.

Just wondering, can he move to where you are?

Answer 7

Is it at ALL possible for him to move where you are? It seems to me like it is more of a sacrifice to you. You have family there, a good job and a child. It is going to be much harder for you to move.

And it would probably be easier for him to find a job near you, than for you to find a brand new job while being pregnant. Granted, it is not IMPOSSIBLE to find a job that doesn't mind that you are pregnant, but it IS hard. I got laid off when my company found out I was pregnant and have had two jobs since, both of which let me go once they found out i was pregnant.

I'm sure he has "some" reason for you to move and not him... but i would talk to him about it... and lay out your reasoning of why you are not that comfortable with moving... family, job... all of that is important. And I am not sure if your daughter is in school yet, but that would be another factor of changing your daughter's schools as well.

Hope I helped, and good luck with it all. just try not to stress it toooooo much! oh, and congrats!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Well you know you need to talk to him about this and make sure of all this before you go and maybe you should ask him to come live in the state you are living in. But just make sure if you do decide to go that you are sure of what you are doing! And make sure you always have enough money to come back if things don't work out the way you plan for them to.

Answer 9

At the end of the day you have to think about your daughter, just think how much she will miss your and her friends if you move! If he has no family over there where he is living then he shouldn't have any reason not to move to where you live!

Answer 10

Follow your heart honey and yes you can get a job while pregnant, companies can not discriminate against you, you may not get the job you want at first but it will work out, and if he is willing to move to you then try that, but don't lose out on being a family if that is what he is begging to have it will bring you both closer and you can trust that he will provide. It is hard to raise children alone and if he wants to be there let him. Sounds like a nice guy.