I have been with the same man for 7 years now, we have lived together for 6 years and we have 1 child, 18 months. I love him. However, when I met him, he said he had been separated for 2 years, (I confirmed this), and he was going to get a divorce. However, through the years we have been together, he kept telling me, "I will get a divorce", to this day, it hasn't happened. He said when his 16 year old son, with his wife, is 18, he will get a divorce. I don't want to get married, I just feel he has been lying to me this entire time. We actually both filed for divorce at the same time (because he INSISTED that I get a divorce), mine is finalized, however, he never did anything to finish his. He honestly believes that there is nothing wrong with this. I do. I work, he works. What your take on this? Help.
2007-05-22 05:27:41 · 14 answers · asked by Only In Dreams 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear heart, I am so sorry that you are going through this type of pain for a lack of a better word. In regards to your question "Should I stay or Should I go, Now"? I believe you know that answer "clearly". My answer to you will be "GO". Alot of men want the "title" of being the man the head so to speak, BUT without the responsibility or accountability. AND we as women allow them this reward. For starters he was never "yours" he was still legally married despite the separation story that he gave you. Some men as well as women believe that IF they are separated this gives them passage or the right to date and/or start other relationships without finalizing their last relationship. Even if he was separated for 2 years as you stated. He is still legally divorced. NOW, he insisted that you get your divorce... See that is the non-accountability on his part. He wanted you to be free and clear... BUT not accountable for HIS WORDS nor actions. NOW... here is your part. You allowed it to happen and go on. Despite him telling you he WAS and WILL get his divorce it never happened. NOW... he is stringing you along saying when his son gets 18 he will get the divorce. NEXT it will be when his son finishes college and so on. See the writing on the wall. He is not going to get a divorce and if he was, he would have done it along time ago. MEN are very simple creatures... if we as women learn to stand our grounds and not play second fiddle in most cases IF the man is a man of his word he will do what he says and act on it. SIMPLE period. No second guessing, they just do it. We allow them to be not accountable. NOW at the end of your letter you state "he honestly believes that there is nothing wrong with this". HE is right..... in his eye site there is nothing wrong because you allowed it to go on for how ever long. NOW... he is thinking why switch the game plan. Honey, count your losses get your mind back and stop allowing a dead situation continue. IF he loves you and your child together he will make his decision. I am a firm believer in this.... when a person makes NO decision in a situation... THEN they have decided and that decision is to do absolutely nothing and this is what your "man" is doing to you. "NOTHING".
One thing will remain true is that he is obligated to take care of your child together via child support and hopefully be there for your child emotionally and in a physical sense. Honey, get off the crazy wheel and start living live clearly and freely.
Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results is called being ENSANE. Get your sanity back along with your dignity.
Lick your wounds if any and move on.
2007-05-22 06:47:18 · answer #1 · answered by Vetta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is attentive and loving otherwise, I would say that maybe he just puts stuff off. Maybe he is afraid of the financial hit of divorce. If he is waiting for his kid to turn 18, that may make some sense, he doesnt want the courts doing some child support stuff maybe. Either he has some real reason ( most likely legal) for not wanting to finalize or he is just lazy about it or he is messing with your head. Hard to say.
2007-05-22 12:34:04 · answer #2 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants both worlds. You knew the situation, you let HIM tell you to get a divorce, then allow him to just be married to one woman, then have a child with you? He's taking advantage because you're allowing him to.
Don't wait or take any more excuses for why he won't divorce. Sounds like he never intended to do it in the first place.
2007-05-22 12:34:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he doesn't want to pay alimony and child support. Its probably easier for him to do it this way without the sticky paper work. Plus he won't have to go through all of the legalities of custody hearings and so on. I don't thinks its fair to you for him to demand you divorce and he doesn't follow through with his. But I bet that is the reason he won't finalize he probably realized all this propaganda after the lawyer told him what it involves.
2007-05-22 12:47:28 · answer #4 · answered by lavendergoddess1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has been lying to you this entire time but you've gone ahead and lived with him and had a baby with him, so it appears that you weren't all that concerned about his marital status. Why wouldn't he believe there's anything wrong? It didn't stop you from pretending to be married for 7 years.
2007-05-22 12:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds fishy to me. If a man wants OUT of a situation, TRUST ME, they will get out. I'd ask what the deal is, I mean, really probe and find things out. Eventually the truth will come out of him no matter how dumb it sounds. If after all of that, if he still feels like he's not doing anything wrong, you might need to take a right turn out of that situation; you know?
2007-05-22 12:38:30 · answer #6 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but he is never going to get a divorce unless he forsees losing you. I'd tell him that you don't want to be living in adultry and therefore you're leaving. Give him 30 days to file or you will move. His decision will tell you what he really feels.
Sorry.
2007-05-22 12:32:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's probably not ready for a divorce and still have feelings for her. I'd leave even though it would be hard on me. I wouldn't put up with it
2007-05-22 12:34:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is having his cake and eating it too... If he cant make the sacrifice you made, then you need to find you a man that wouldn't put you in that situation in the first place.... sounds like you're a giver and hes a taker.... If he really loved you he would do this.... considering you did it for him and your relationship with him. His excuses need to stop.... he needs to **** or get off the pot!!!
2007-05-22 12:37:05 · answer #9 · answered by ~ Rachel B.~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UMM spunds like another guy enjoying the milk without paying for the cow... he will never get a divorce and you know that!
2007-05-22 12:31:14 · answer #10 · answered by Jen S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋