I heard you people say it's not common interest that keep you together but it's you common goals..what's that?

Question

what common goals, and common values and beliefs that you guys have that keep you happily married?

also I need to ask you, my boyfriend and I grew up in the same church, his mom is just as religious as my mom,

yet the thing is he doesn't go to church anymore and I still do. He visits with me from time to time but he doesn't attend reguarly and doesn't plan to if we get married. Now we have the same religion and both believe in God, but I attend and depend on God, where he just believes in God but depends on himself. What does this mean for our future?

Mainly what can I find out about me and my boyfriend, like common goals and stuff to see if we wil last and be happy in the future

Answer 1

Look, it works like this: mutual respect = compatibility. You sound too structured and inflexible on the issue of religion, so you don't repect him, so you aren't coimpatible.

It's that simple. You aren't flexible enough to respect him, so stop wasting his time.

Answer 2

I don't think that it's common goals that keep you happy. It didn't work for me.
As for your question about church. I am much like your boyfriend. I don't go to church or depend on God either but I believe and I can see where that could effect the long lasting relationship. There are going to be breakdowns caused by this because he will be further away from the light than you are, if you know what I mean. Going to church isn't going to cure this. It's something that he needs to find in himself and his own heart. Seems to me he's more with the way of the world than than God's way. Best of luck to you and don't be in a rush to get hitched.

Answer 3

There's two different solvable issues here. To have common goals in mind and not interests isn't terrible. Maybe you both want to save so much for retirement or both plan to go back to school for more education; that's goal setting. Interests you don't have to agree on is the same music or movies etc...as far as the religion thing, I'd let that one go. Do want you want to do with your religion and respect his decision on his. If he was raised so strictly by his religion, he's probably tired of that aspect and is seeing things in his own way. Lots of people are like that. If you both still believe in God, then it's fine. My significant other and I both believe in God, I'm more spiritual about it than he is, and it's never been an issue. =)

Answer 4

Common interests are important in the day to day stuff. Like, do you enjoy the same activities, movies, things like that. Its okay to be different, but you should have some things incommon just to stay connected.

Common GOALS are things like what do you see for your lives in 10 years, 20, 30? Kids? Where to live? Buying a home? Traveling? Goals, things you can work together for. And you dont have to decide them NOW, but your common interests will feed into the Goals you have for your life together, and as your marriage progresses, you will work towards those goals together.

You go to church, he doest, thats okay, because you have a common belief, and from that can build a common goal.

Answer 5

There are several sets here: goals, interests, and values. I mentioned in my earlier reply and I'll use examples.

1. Goals: say you come from a foreign country drawn by the land of opportunities. You want to make a life in this land raising a family and owning a home. High education, employment, and saving money are ways to reach these goals. Therefore, a young man and woman will put aside love life so as not to jeopardize these goals. A clear-headed woman with these goals will not give in to a man with zero aspirations and only pours love all over her. How would married at 18 and 4 kids by 25 help attaining high education and saving toward a house?
2. Values: these have to do with cultural background, family upbringing, and religion. Some cultures put more emphasis on "blood", children education, and respect for the elderly. These values support the teaching of self-sacrifice so the next generation will have it better and therefore often crash with modern American/western thinking and particularly female emotional needs. As such, we see men tending to stick to these values and women rebel against them.
3. Religion: different religions have different teachings. Some obvious examples are divorce/remarriage and abortion. Some religions prohibit marriage across faiths and some are more liberal. Religious intolerance is the root cause of wars and genicides for centuries in the world. Couples of different faiths have more issues on how to raise their children, deal with parents, and conversions.
4. Interests: men share similar interests such as sports and gadgets. It'd be nice for a couple to have some common interest but it is rare for 100% overlap. I used to love to read but on topics related to my profession; now I am into spy novels. The wife reads gardening and travel magazines. The only positive impact from this is our daughter is a prodigious reader with excellent vocab.
5. View of the world around us: I am passionate about what we are doing to damage the earth but I also understand business. My wife actually says she cares more about dying plants and animals than starvation in Africa. I am a strong believer of equal rights and "feel" for the uphill battles by African Americans and the unfair treatments to native Americans. My wife is opinionated about relationship between presence of ethnic groups and neighborhood safety. It is impossible to have alignment of views or only one view. Most people are prejudiced to whatever extent, it is what their actions that have consequences.

The simplest way to look at love and relationship is: keep your eyes on what the future would look like and not so immersed in meeting your current needs!! Don't yield to emotions and hormones.

Answer 6

Go to pre-marriage counselling preferably with a counselor that has the same religion as you. You need to hash out your differences, religious and others, before marriage. Decide if the differences are a deal breaker, meaning you dont want to marry someone who thinks the way your bf does. DO NOT think that he will change after marriage, or that you can change him, or you HOPE he changes. You will be setting yourself up for a very unpleasant time.

Answer 7

it's true. my mom & dad have been married for 39 years, but they don't have any common interests at all. my dad loves country music, my mom hates it. my mom like to bowl, my dad - not so much. They even had different religions - my dad is an ex-Catholic, my mom is Methodist. But their marriage worked because they both wanted a happy, loving home & family. The committment to each other & family is the most important value to have. Everything else is secondary to that.