If you have small kids and property and ten years of shared experiences and still care about one another, is a temporary thing by one of you worth ending the marriage over? This is what my husband is asking me as I divorce him for adultery.
2007-05-22 05:02:45 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems like he was not thinking about any of that when he slept around. By not diviorcing him you are saying that it is ok to cheat on you.
2007-05-22 05:07:24 · answer #1 · answered by darkferrie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I guess you can come up with all kinds of reasons to remain married to an unfaithful spouse. I tried to come up with reasons that would make me overlook it. We had a young daughter at the time for example. I didn't want her family torn apart. Nobody ever thinks they will be divorced otherwise nobody would ever get married. In the end, I knew I could never trust her ever again. I would always doubt everything she ever said to me. Once the trust is gone there is nothing left. That's the foundation. It may work in the short term but you will always doubt everything he tells you now. You just can't trust someone that breaks those sacred vows. They have no honor or character. Divorce is a difficult and painful process to go through but I can honestly say that I'm glad I am divorced. I'm much happier now and you will be too. It will make you a stronger person also. Good luck.
2007-05-22 05:16:47 · answer #2 · answered by Ronin 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is telling you this because he knows he'll lose everything in the divorce because of the adultery. I don't know if its "worth it" to get a divorce. If you don't think you can forgive him or move passed his affair, then you should divorce him and save a lot of unhappy and uncomfortable times in the future. Some people stay just for the kids, but it's not fair to anyone, really. You are showing them that it is ok to be unfaithful in a marriage. You are showing them that they have to stay in a bad marriage.
2007-05-22 05:13:43 · answer #3 · answered by MoMoney23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having sex outside a marriage is a no-no. Doesn't matter if it was just sex or not. By stepping out side of the marriage he has lost trust in you. Without trust in a relationship there isn't a relationship. Try couples counseling that might help you guys work through your issues. Remember he does have the right to be upset. If he can't move past the adultery then he has ever right to move on.
2007-05-22 05:10:10 · answer #4 · answered by THEMURPHSTER 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing you need to do is get counseling together to see what comes of that. It may be a one time thing that will never happen again but he has to make that determination and prove to you that he is committed to you enough to pass on the temptation next time. since your youngest is 4 months old, they could have started that when you were pregnant, which is not excuse but shows that he is thinking with a part of his body other than his head. Of course he has to quit that job, or she does, or there is not a lot of chance that it may not happen again. Perhaps the counseling will help you decide whether he falls into the category of once a cheater always a cheater, in which case the marriage should be over, or someone who was tempted by this girl and couldn't resist but will work harder to make the marriage work now that he sees all that he has to lose by being unfaithful. the fact that you went 6 years without cheating makes me think he may indeed be sorry and never do it again, but I would make him earn the right to continue the marriage by treating you as he did before you were married rather than as simply a wife. Good luck to you whatever you decide!!
2016-04-01 02:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some say once a cheater, always a cheater, but only you know your husband. Small children will survive and adultery is a fair reason to leave someone. Every time you have sex now, you will be thinking of it - that stinks!!! Would your husband be a good dad if you were to split? I would have to leave, but it may take me a while to figure stuff out and get my p's and q's in order...
Good luck!
2007-05-22 05:08:26 · answer #6 · answered by sugar 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HAVE YOU GONE NUTS? You say "he CARES" about you. Do you realize the amount of time, planning and deception that is involved in an affair? First, your husband was caring about you when he was flirting. Then, your husband was caring about you when he needed a quiet place to meet with another woman. Then, your husband was caring about you when he needed to find a quiet place to have sex. Then he was caring about you when he told you a miriad of lies so you wouldn't find out. Now, he showing how much he cares about you by trying to minimize all that deception by citing it as "just a sexual thing". The question is....Is this how you want your own children to treat other people? If the answer is yes, then you deserve to continue to be mistreated. Otherwise, I suggest you get yourself checked out for a wide host of venereal diseases and fly as fast as you possibly can to a lawyer.
2007-05-22 05:36:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Adultery is absolute betrayal. And cheaters don't stop. I have no patience with adulterers because it is never an "accident". People plan and scheme and deliberately drop their trousers in direct disregard for their faith, their families, their vows, and their responsibilities.
"Is it worth it to end a marriage because of a purely sexual affair"? In my opinion that is the premier reason to end a marriage. But that's me. You must decide what's right for you.
I am sorry for your pain.
2007-05-22 05:27:40 · answer #8 · answered by AK 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Once the trust is broken, the marriage is pretty well broken. Hard to stay together after that. Many do, just for the kids.
Why do married men think it is okay to have a purely sexual affair Yours has found out that it's not, hasn't he?
2007-05-22 05:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by kiwi 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your question (or your husband's) is hard to understand...coz i believe there's no such words of "purely sexual affair"
ADULTERY is the same thing as Purely Sexual Affair!
so if your husband trying to twist words...there aren't any left to twist, coz if you look up the dictionaries, Adultery = sexual affair!
And your second question: is it worth ending your marriage...the answer is Yes.
2007-05-22 05:38:35 · answer #10 · answered by deliah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not offering any judgements, but divorce is HORRIBLY expensive for both parties, regardless of who did what wrong.
It's gonna effect your kids for the rest of their lives, it's going to be financially crippling to both of you, and make things more difficult for everyone involved.
The tricky thing about this question is that you're really the only one that can decide if a one time affair is unforgivable and you need to get a divorce over it.
2007-05-22 05:09:20 · answer #11 · answered by orklad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋