What can I do to feel better about myself? I point out other people's flaws to feel better. PLEASE READ ON B-4

Question

BEFORE YOU START CALLING ME NAMES, I WANT TO MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT I DON'T POINT OUT PEOPLE'S FLAWS OUTLOUD! NO OTHER PEOPLE CAN HEAR MY COMMENTS, WHICH DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT OR BETTER BUT I JUST WANTED TO CLEAR UP THAT POINT. Now please read on. I recently asked the question "Am I shallow?" becuz I point out other people's flaws and the answer that I picked as the best answer made me realize WHY I do it. I do it to try and feel better about myself. Like I think to myself, well at least I don't have all those zits on my face. I wanna stop thinking this way and doing this becuz I know it's not a positive way to make myself feel better. I'm very critical about my own looks. I hate my hair, my nose (I even had a nose job to "fix" it and I still don't like it). So I tend to pick out what I consider to be "flaws" in other people, ("flaws" that I don't have) to try and feel better about myself. I want to stop doing that. How can I positively feel better about myself?

Answer 1

First, since you keep these observations to yourself, it's not quite true to say you "point them out" -- so you wouldn't have to shout your disclaimer if you described what you do more accurately.

(To point them out means you're bringing them to another person's attention, which isn't what you do.)

You NOTICE flaws.

Second, to answer your first question, if the only things you care about are appearance, then, well, yes, you're being superficial.

Is there any way you can get yourself to notice the important things about yourself and other people?

After all, one's nose doesn't make someone a better or worse PERSON.

If the only things about yourself that you care about are your looks, it seems to me this is the problem; not that you don't like your looks.

Try to notice other people's attitudes and actions.

These people with "worse" faces or hair than you -- aren't some of them happy?

How can that be?

Maybe because they realize that one's hair is irrelevant to who they are, or to their chances for happiness in life.

Maybe they have interests besides looks.

Is there anyone in your life you like or admire as a person?

I mean, besides their looks. Things like kindness, sanity, insight.

The place to start is not with more nose jobs, but with trying to realign your values somewhat.

There are as many people with "perfect" noses and hair who are as utterly miserable as those who aren't attractive, by your standards.

Isn't a feeling of well being about how your life is going, how rich it is, the quality of your relationships you have with other people more important than your hair?

If you magically got a perfect nose tomorrow, the happiness of that would be fleeting.

Answer 2

Look around you, read the paper, watch the news and take a look at what horrible things some people have to endure in their lives. Accept yourself as you are and be proud of your individuality and uniqueness. No one is perfect....no one! We all have things about ourselves that we don't like. Just remember that life is short and stop putting so much emphasis on your flaws and start emphasizing your good points. If it would m,ake you feel better go to the mall and have a makeover, just remember that your personality and the person you are on the inside is what really matters in this life. We will all age and lose our looks one day so if that's all your living for you will be quite lonely when you get there. Be proud of who you are and the qualities you have as a person.

Answer 3

You have a self esteem issue, plain and simple. You boost yourself through comparison to others. This is not unusual at all. Most people do this type of comparison every day. It is not a negative exercise because you do it internally. It is natural.

I am a retired Pastoral Counselor. You have successfully convinced yourself that you are not as (fill in your own trait) that person but you are more (fill in your own trait) than that person. Again, not that unusual. That is the internal dialogue you want to change.

So, how do you change it?

Look around for evidence. Look to how friends and family relate to you. I suspect they accept you for who you are and for how you look. Why do you suppose they like you more than you like yourself?

Ask yourself - Who do I wish I was? Then, ask - Why? Ask - What do they have that I don't have? Then ask - Why? Then, say to yourself - "So what!"

I trained TV News Anchors in my working life. Many suffered from low self esteem, believe it or not. They would create this "Anchorperson" persona so viewers wouldn't see the real them. I told them one thing. Those that grasped it went on to great careers.

Here is what I told them - "Be yourself on-air. Viewers don't know you personally enough to dislike you but they can spot a phony a mile away and - "click" - they will tune out."

You, like my Anchors, need to be who God created you to be. Realize that many people are not going to like you. Forget them and surround yourself with those who do.

Get your hair done the way you like. Buy clothes that enhance your physical attributes. Most of all, remake your mind.

Hope this helps.

Jim

Answer 4

Don't beat yourself up about it ! It says a lot for you that you even asked the question! Sounds like you have a good heart. Our whole life is a learning experience .Try getting your mind off yourself, do some volunteer work somewhere if you can. It will bring out the best in you. Read what you can about developing good self esteem. And smile !! You'll be fine.

Answer 5

Why are you so unhappy? You must be to hate so much, yet you want to be a more positive person. Have you tried looking at what is positive about you? Do you have great coloured eyes or a nice shape butt? With practice , you will be able to stop. You do not need to bring others down to boost your esteem and confidence. Who loves you? And who around you inspires you, someone who has a positive effect and influence on you, you can learn from them. Practice out loud, compliment yourself, do it everyday, after a time, you will do this naturally.

Answer 6

Honey,

Have you considered counseling? Talking with a professional will help you with your self-esteem issues. The counselor will help you with your worries and concerns. You may even get "exercises" like when you feel the criticism bug coming on, you may get a 'message' to tell yourself. (I am a good person. I am worthwhile) or something like that.

Start with looking the mirror every morning and tell yourself "I am alright. I am o.k." Smile. You have a lot to offer. Try not to worry about the physical attributes. Work in the "internal" attributes- compassion, kindness, etc.

good luck.

Answer 7

If your still in school, speak to a school guidance counselor. They are there to help you. Your question sounds as though you are under sixteen. If you are that young, you are taking on way too many responsiblities. Your parents need to put your siblings in an after school center or after school activities. If your siblings are over 12, they should be helping you with your chores. Allowing children free rein in all they do and giving them no responsibilites will make it very difficult for them to get along in the grown up world. Your question is also very disjointed, you talk about how horrid your parents treated you in certain instances then talk about how good they are in others. You need to get some help quickly. If you are over 18, apply to college and try to get into a dorm. If your parents fall into a low income category, see which organizations in your area will help you with scholarships and/or tuition. Start with your High School. They usually supply this advice.

Answer 8

Look inward deep within yourself and find what is good about YOU. after all thats what counts not what you think of others or others think of you but what counts is how you feel about yourself. Do some deep soul searching and find out what makes YOU tick and all the good that makes you who you are. YOU may find bad also so try to make a bad good. if this cant be done accept your faults and dwell on what is good. YOU can do it if YOU want to.

Answer 9

sorry to generalize but I took a lot of what you said away for digestion.

first, don't focus on superficial aspects about people. people are 3 dimensional. not everyone want to look beautiful all the time.
second you make comparisons to compensate for other traits you find lacking. maybe it's lack of height, smarts, skin color, ... I just don't know what in particular.
lastly focus not on yourself but how you can better relate to others. it's true what they say about treating others how u want to be treated

we all have flaws physical & mental. we are human & we work out by focusing on our strengths.

best wishes

Answer 10

stop being so critical on yourself and others and accept the fact that we are not all perfect!! if we were perfect then it would be a boring world.
nothing is more sexier than having self confidence and acceptance of other people... we are all different, accept this and move on. please work on your self-esteem. you will be amazed at how beautiful you are. especially if it comes from the heart.