me & my gf are supposed to be getting married but there are serious issues. first, she no longer wants to communicate when there is a prob. she sweeps it under the rug or she doesn't want to talk about it like an adult. she has 2 kids. they are 2 & 7. i have been repeatledly hit on lately by her kids. i have tried to be involved in their lives but they have said "i'm nt the father". they don't listen to me & when i tell her about it she seems as is she doesn't care. when she got her tax returns back in march & got $6000 back & blew the money. we were supposed to get our own place but that's on hold cust we don't have the money & i have medical issues & am trying to pay those bills while saving money. i feel like honestly i'm being taken advantage of. the real mystery is that she gave her ex $60 she still hasn't told me why. i feel like i'm backed in a corner with no answers. that's some of the probs. what should i do. try to work it out or leave.
2007-05-22 04:31:34 · 39 answers · asked by jack 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly, I don't know why you put up with such poor treatment. She doesn't talk to you, her children hit you and say that you're not part of the family, she wastes money, and gives cash to her ex. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Run while you still can!
2007-05-22 04:36:38 · answer #1 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take marriage off the table. Problems don't get better once you get married - instead, they get made permanent. Communication problems are a big red flag.
Having a relationship where there are children from another relationship is extremely difficult, for both men and women. Unfortunately, some single mothers feel a great deal of pressure not to be alone, and sometimes they will find guys to provide for them.
If it's something you really want, commit to solving the problems. If you have doubts - make sure you understand why. If you feel backed into a corner, you really need to hit the brakes.
2007-05-22 04:42:16 · answer #2 · answered by Rudy DelRojo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's hiding something. If you care slow it down. Tell her you are and why. see what she does. Because she might be rushing you so she can keep you on a leash and be financially obligated to her or if she doesn't care like you said then she won't even think about it. Which either option isn't good. If shes not sticking up for you to her kids then thats also a sign. and giving her ex money, she may still have ties with her ex that should have long been broken. Communication is a big factor for any relationship married or not and i think you've already answered your question.
2007-05-22 04:49:16 · answer #3 · answered by miesh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to an old timer, who has been through very drama you can think of.
RUNNNN GET OUTTTTTTTTTTT
Seriously, You don't deserve that, and if the kids are disrespecting you now, that marriage certificate won't make them any better.
If she allows her kids to disrespect anyone, let alone the soon to be dad of these kids, you need to get out.
If she sin your place boot her and baby's kids
If your in her place grab what you can and go, but do it the first chance you have to be alone, and only take what's yours. Because if you try to leave with her there, she'll call the cops, you'll go to jail, and they won't let you LEAVE WITH ANYTHING.
Pack like the house was on fire, take the most valuable out first and so on. So if you have to go your not leaving the best behind.
P.S. Don't take nothing that was hers before you both got together. And have no contact with her at all.
2007-05-22 04:44:35 · answer #4 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly wedding come with a lot of stress and it adds when there are children (step children) The children think of you as an intruder trying to replace ther dad. It doesn't help that she isn't making them behave. For that issue YOU BOTH need to sit down and explain -you let them know you are not trying to replace daddy, and that you love there mommy and you even love them. The mom needs to let them that they must listen to what you say because you are trying to help her out. she needs to let them know there will be consequences if they do not listen to you. And you need to let them know that hurts your feelings and makes you sad when they say mean things and do mean things.you even might remind them of a situation they were in that made there feelings get hurt.
as for the fiance, let her know how you are feelings and your concerns and that there is no marriage without communication and honesty. Remind her that if you guys get married the money is shared equally and there are no lies or hidding things. Let her know you are concerned about the money she loaned her ex, and let her know how you feel about the kids and your concerns with her. You BOTH need to sit down as a couple and make rules and consequences for the kids, as well as chores and rewards. Put there names on a board and let them know they have to EARN there play time (not ALL there play time but like computer if you have one, video games if you have one etc) for every good thing they do put a sticker up for every bad thing take one down. They are seeing that mommy and you are not communicating and they see a problem so what mommy does and show so will they especially the 2 year old. The 7 year old might be feeling left out. Try talking to the 7 year old ALONE, then once you earn his trust then it will be easier to earn the 2 year olds. the seven year old has PROBABLY seen guys in and out of mommy's life so he is thinking you are doing the same. Let him know what your plans are. Hope that helps.
Remember NO relationship is perfect, EVERYONE makes mistakes. It is just owning the mistakes and fixing it that is the hard part, noone likes to admit they are wrong. And if she isn't willing to change let her know it is not going to work and tell her you need time away from her to see if this is what we should do . Distance makes the heart grow founder and if it doesnt with her then she probably just wanted you there to help support her kids and be a male figure in there lives. LEAVE ONLY IF SHE ISN"T WILL TO CHANGE. BUT ALWAYS TRY TO SAVE WHAT YOU LOVE.
2007-05-22 04:55:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you really need to talk to her about her kids. They may not like you but they do have to respect you as their stepfather and their mother's husband.Because, you are going to be a family and if you don't nip that in the bud those kids will be the demise of your marriage. I can tell you from experience that if you are having money problems, marriage will only make those problems bigger. It seems to me that she as no respect for you and she should get some things in her life straight before making a comment to anyone. If you are honest with yourself, you really don't trust her.
I guess you should ask yourself what you want out of life. Personally I would leave,life is too short to deal with all that drama. If you choose to stay I would not get married any time soon.
2007-05-22 04:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound like a good bet for a happy marriage for you.
Do you feel that you really love her, or are you just staying with her out of habit or a kind of guilt you might feel about leaving her?
If she's not willing to discuss these very serious issues with you, I guess there's not much of a chance that she'd consider going for couples or family counseling with you, either. Without this, I'd say the prospect for a success in this marriage is not good. I hope you can find a way to extricate yourself from a very difficult situation here.
Good luck to you.
2007-05-22 04:39:40 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just my opinion, but I personally think life is to short. If she doesn't want to be honest with you or talk to you like a grown woman should I'd leave her. I'm 32 and went through some health problems myself and at first my fiance had a problem talking with me about certain things, so I told him how it was.
I said that after a few of these health problems I don't have time for someone to be selfish or irresponsible there are people out there and more caring than you. So just let me know what you want?
2007-05-22 04:47:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least your finding out about these issues now before a serious commitment. You need to sit down with her and put the skunk on the table, tell her exactly how it is and in some way tell her your going to give her a trial period, maybe 1-2 mths. If there is no change then walk away my friend because if you don't your problems will multiply
2007-05-22 04:37:41 · answer #9 · answered by Tutto Bene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm, it seems 2 me if she doesn't wanna talk bout da problems then y'all shouldn't even b gettin married cuz there has 2 b communication! her behavior towards her ex seems downright fishy... plus she's allowing her kids 2 disrespect u that's a no-no! she should definitely put her kids 1st but if ur da the man that's providing 4 them then they should show respect & appreciation 4 u but how can they when it seems she doesn't? they damn sure shouldn't b hittin u though the 2 yr old it's probably an accident but the 7 yr old knows better plus she should b tellin them not 2 hit u! if u guys can talk about this then try ur best 2 work it out but if not well there's other fish in the sea! good luck
2007-05-22 04:47:35 · answer #10 · answered by bonbontaj007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋