Do you think I should try making him jealous?

Question

Been married 19 years, 17 year old daughter. Husband is 42 and I am 54. He has been living in his own apartment for 9 months because after I caught him cheating 18 months ago he said we needed to put some space between us in order to rebuild our marriage. He said that there is no one in his life that he had worked out a lot of issues which he had, that sometimes people think they have found gold but then realise they had it all the time. He has given me to understand that he is ready to come home but wants to give himself till the summer to be sure thats what he wants. He comes back 4 days a week and stays away 3, but I was wondering whether making him jelous is a good idea. I told him I was staying away for the night as I am going with some friends to another town and he wasn't very happy about it, but am I making a mistake if I want him back? I mean, should I just be patient for a little while longer? I am finding this difficult to do.

Answer 1

Don't resort to playing games with your spouse. It can very well end up having the results you may or may not want.

Answer 2

Playing games will only come back to haunt you. If he wants to work on the marriage then he needs to come back home now instead of waiting. He needs to understand working on it isn't 3 days away and 4 at home. If he cheated once I would be weary about his track record. He isn't at home so why should he care if you go with some friends? Don't sit and wait for a ghost of a man, and what I mean by that is he could up and change his mind at any time about coming back. Also have you gave it any thought about the other 3 nights he won't stay at home? I would be checking into that. You've already invested 19 years, so I would be darn sure no woman is at his house or he at her's those 3 nights.

Answer 3

space between you is the best thing right now. You are both being smart about that. Makes people miss each other and know for sure if thats what/who they want in life. Its breathing room which is a good thing for all involved. Your a smart lady to try to make him jealous. Its a known fact that men love a challenge as do women. If you give him just a bit of curiousity that will work in your favor. After all what did he expect you to do while he is deciding your fate, sit around and age? Nope I'd go out and let him wonder!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I am very shocked that you are going along with all of this.

making him jealous/playing games is not the mature way to go about this.

why not just tell him you want a full-time husband or none at all and slam the door in his face. you deserve better than what he is giving you. And you don't have to even feel guilty that he may be homeless because he has his own apartment to go to.

it is not necessarily a mistake if you want him back, but it is a mistake to let everything be on his terms. It should all be on your terms for he is the one who cheated on you. I think one of your terms should be that you both attend marital counseling first before deciding to let him back in your home.

be strong enough to where you make him earn your trust again. just because you love him doesn't mean you have to be his doormat.

Answer 5

When a spouse says "we need to put some space between us", what he really means is that he wants to keep you in the picture and carry on his affair at the same time. He is sitting on the fence, having his cake and eating it too.
Back off from him. Don't allow him to come home 4 days a week. It's all or nothing. If you back off he will miss you, then you lay down some ground rules and boundaries. Stop letting him call the shots.
Also, you need to be tested for STD's.

Answer 6

I'm confused. HE cheated on you.. but is stringing YOU along and making the decision as to whether or not it's a good time for you two to be together? He is waiting until the end of the summer to see if your marriage is what HE Still wants??? Honey, wake up. HE was the one who messed up. NOT YOU. Sounds to me like he's controlling you, and the situation. Take the control back and make a decision as to what YOU really want. I understand that the two of you have been together for a while. But, that is no excuse for how he is treating you now. Who cares that he was angry about you going out overnight with your friends. He can't sit there and get angry about anything you do especially when he isn't willing to move back in and commit to you fully in your marriage. Why is it ok for him to come back to you 4 days a week?? Sounds to me like he's just sticking around so YOU don't have a chance to move on with your life. Please, wake up and move on.

Answer 7

Why waste your time. It was his decision to have an affair on you and you are going to let him tell you when he is going to come home. NO!!!! You need to start looking and dressing your best. You need to stop talking to him unless it is an emergency with the kids. You need to find a hobby and try to get your mind off of him. You need to start going out and having fun. He will probably look at you in a different light and if he doesn't well his loss. Do not allow him to run you over. You and your children deserve better then that.

Answer 8

the idea of making him feel jealous is kinda risky coz if the plan backfires.. he might be more certain about leaving you.. i guess he wants a change in life.. as u have been married for 19 years.. he is now seeking for a sense of novelty.. instead i'll suggest u have a makeover.. have a little change on your appearance.. u need to add more elements to your family life.. spice it up a little... if you had always had family outing.. have a little change.. go on a 2nd honeymoon trip! both of u only.. to an exotic country or somewhere he always wanted to visit.. have fun..
the most important thing.. u have to smile and not looking gloomy.. he might feel pressurised and put off by that..

Answer 9

Uh- he stays for four days and goes for three and HE'S not sure if HE wants to come back yet????? Oh come on pet- he's enjoying the best of both worlds here with you dangling on a bit of string. What about what you want. Forget playing childish tit for tat games.Get yourself some self worth and respect and kick him into touch- then get yourself a nice new life- he's taking the p***.

Answer 10

I don't get why he can have an affair, spend some time figuring out what he wants, and that you just have to put up with this?

Rarely EVER will I say it's okay to make someone jealous, but in this case, you need to let him know he can NOT take you for granted.

It's your business if you want to let him back into your life, but you are not obligated to, Biblically or otherwise, and I really think you should figure out what makes YOU happy. And don't answer "he does", that's not good enough. We can't rely on people to make us happy, they aren't dependable enough, as his cheating is evidence of.

Yeah, go ahead and make him jealous, I really don't think that would be a bad thing in this case. Now, having said that, I don't mean by cheating on him, or flirting in front of him or anything like that. Just let him know that you aren't sure you are going to be waiting for him with open arms.

Answer 11

sounds perfect. Tell him you are going out with a friend to a club out of town or something, This is an overnight thing. When you call to chekc on your kids ( im sure you will) act a little drunk and have some guys talking in the background. If this doesnt do it nothing will. I think you have been patient enough.