help me solve this problem, if your happliy married, or unhappily or even divorced, you can help me please?!!?

Question

I personally don't know any married couples that are happy,

my parents have been unhappily married for years, and my sister got married 6 years ago and is very miserable she told me that she loves him but regrets marring him,

I just feel so confused, because I love my boyfriend but I am so scared that I won't be happy either, how do I avoid being unhappliy married, How do I know that we'll be happy in the future how do I know if he's the one?

and I don't believe that time will tell b/c my sister and her husband dated 5 years before they got married!

please if you are happliy married tell me why, if you are not tell me what you wish you did differently or what you wish you knew before you got married, or divorced

Answer 1

I am very happily married. I don't know if I know why or how, though - or if what works for me will work for anyone else - or that anyone else would be able to 'test' their relationship accurately to see if these things exist for them.

Where I see us being different from other, unhappy couples, though, is that we have real respect for each other. I think he's the best human being that I have ever met. I also respect that he is human, fallible, that he makes mistakes and that he feels bad about them, just like me. So, I can see his mistakes as just that and not as character flaws or affronts. We have a real desire to make each other's lives better, to be deserving of a place in each other's lives, a desire to earn each other's respect and love. And, I trust that he feels the same about me.

We share a common fascination with life, our kids, our journey together. When something happens - something cool, something profound, something sad, something interesting, he's the first person that I want to talk to about it.

The thing is that, before we married, there was no way that I could have known that things would have turned out this way. It's just as likely that it could have turned out badly for us, too. It's a crapshoot.

Just be kind to each other & hope for the best.

Answer 2

I was in my first marriage, and the first year was great, but then it went down hill. I went from the #1 on the list to the bottom of the list. I tried everything and even wanted to do the marriage counseling, but he thought nothing was wrong....anyway, we got divorced and now I'm married again, very happy with the marriage.
The advice I can give you is: it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. If one is not willing you will be in a unhappy relationship. You will have your ups and downs - it would be unnatural not to have them....but the main thing is to work thru them - and both parties have to be willing to do that.
I would not go by your sister and your parents marriage. It doesn't matter how long you date before you get married, the key to a happy marriage is for me - 1. communication, 2 - having 'alone' time - everyone needs their own space on occasion' 3. TRUST - without that , don't even bother and last but not least 4. Honesty
Good luck to you

Answer 3

I was happily married for 24 years before he died, our secret was always being there for each other. We had our regular date nights once our kids got older. It kept the spark alive. After he died, 10 years later I married, it ended in divorce. He had children whom lived with him, they weren't so much the problem as money was. If I had known how he was with money I would not have married even though I loved him very much. You can't be happy when one person is spending everything you have. You can be happy in a marriage if both want it, it does take a lot of work, but well worth it when the two work together.No one can live with someone and not have some kind of disagreements, but if you have good communication between you it can and will work. Don't be afraid to marry someone because of some who marriage has not worked out.

Answer 4

I have been happily married for 28 years. During that time we had 1 bad year when a friend caused problems for us (no longer a friend). There are always problems in any relationship, but you have to decide that most things are not worth arguing over. Pick your "battles" and discuss issues before problems develop.
Our situation is unusual because we have been together since I was 16 and he was 18. We married at 18 and 20 years of age. We always have had fun together. We have always wanted the same things from life. At a very early age we decided we were not parent material, so we have never had children and we have never regretted that decision. We have never played mind games with each other. We have never kept secrets from each other.
Because we have both been able to work full time, we have been able to afford to do just about everything we have wanted to like travel, own motorcycles and nice cars. We have a beautiful home that we are proud of. We share household responsibilities. Neither of us come from wealthy families so we have worked for what we have.
We both have good relationships with our families. I have never run to my parents complaining about my husband, so they love him like a son. Remember that if you forgive your spouse for something your parents probably won't. Your parents do not need to know the issues in your marriage.
I can honestly say that after being together 30 years, my husband is still my hero.

Answer 5

It's difficult to say when a marriage will work, because it depends on both partners. I was married to my first husband for only 2 months before walking out. I have been married to my second for 25 happy years. We have had our ups and downs, but by and large, it has been a great marriage. If I had had to have based my ideas of marriage on those of my parents and siblings, believe me, I would never even have got married! Both my parents and eldest sister had very unhappy marriages. My husband and I are the best of friends, can talk to each other about everything, and are totally honest with each other. Once you start lying to each other, there is no trust left in the relationship, and no marriage can be happy without trust. You can never change a person to become what you want them to be, so you have to learn to accept your partners failings, just as he needs to learn to accept yours, and allow each other the freedom to just be themselves. Time alone also helps a great deal. My husband and I have mutual friends, with whom we spend time together, but we also have other friends, and spend time with them on our own. I hope this has been of some help to you, and that you will not base your idea of marriage on anyone else's, because you and your husband (when you marry) are the only two people who can make yours work.

Answer 6

Honestly this is my second marriage. I left my first husband because he beat me terribly. My husband now is 13 years, 6months and 6 days older than me. We have been married for 8 years and we are still very much in love and happy. Don't get me wrong we have had our rows and came close to saying the D word. But I have found that if we talk things out and don't bottle things up things go alot smoother. Finances are a big trouble spot because we both like to spend money so we have learned to discuss any purchases over $50 dollars and we both decide if it is something that we need now or if it can wait. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I have been married for 6 1/2 years and yes we have our ups and downs. We argue about dishes in the sink, money, kids, you name it. BUT!!!! My husband is my very best friend and he is the one who makes me laugh and holds me when I cry and tells me everything will be ok. I would be completely lost without him. We talk about everything and I couldn't be more in love with him than the day I married him. All relationships are different - just because your mom and dad or sister aren't happy in their marriages doesn't mean that you won't be either. Same goes for friends, everyone is different. My husband and I are extremely happy in our marriage but my sister and his brother are both divorced from their spouses. Yet my parents and his parents have been married for over 35 years. Just go with what you feel not what your see...

Answer 8

Get some premariatal counseling so you can be sure you are right for each other. The key to a happy marriage is communication and trust. Most marrieds are unhappy because after the "honeymoon" they are unprepared for all of the things marriage brings. You are two different people who have to adjust to living together and making decisions together, etc. I know plenty of happy marrieds and they continue to strive to grow together and change. Marriage isn't easy no matter how you feel about each other before you marry. It takes continuous working together to make it wonderful. Most unhappy marrieds aren't willing to put in the work. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

I have some of the same concerns as you, my fiance and I have been together 2.5 years, and he is just amazing, I am so excited to share the rest of my life with him. But it is scary because you can never know what the future holds.

I think the biggest thing is communication. My fiancee and I talk about anything and everything, and it is important to me to always have that kind of communication.

Also, understand that you and your partner will always grow and change as you age, and hopefully you grow together.

My fiancee and I just bought kayaks, and are learning to do that, as well as tennis lessons and golf. We enjoy all these activities and enjoy doing them together. It is important to have common interests and take part in your partners interests even if you arnt crazy about them. My fiancee just took his first horseback riding lesson with me a few weeks ago (i've ridden for years) and I went ATVing with him the past few weekends.

Its about compromise, and communication, and having fun while doing it! Just go into marriage with an open mind, remember all the reasons why he is so amazing, and you'll be fine!


Biggest advice (my mom always told me this)
1) you marry the FAMILY, not just one person
2) you can't change someone

Answer 10

My G'parents were married for 50 years.
My folks have been married 43 years this summer.
My aunts and uncles have been married to only one spouse for about 40 years.
I've been married for 3.

There are many couples that have been married for LIFE. That's what a marriage is intended to be---life.

Take a good look at what's not working for your family members----it's a pretty good gauge. They argue a lot? Belittling, verbal assaults? Physical assaults? Money issues?

I rarely argue with my husband. Not because he's always correct, but because it's just not worth it sometimes. It's not that important to always be right on something.
Money---that's a huge one for a lot of couples.
Abuse---is never tolerated. Physical, mental, emotional abuse.