I have a new boyfriend and I think the world of him. We are getting closer by the day, and I'm really falling for him. But there is trouble in paradise...
He is a devout christian and made it quite clear very early on that he didn't believe in sex before marriage. I explained to him that I'd already had sex, and wasn't religiously inclined in any way, and we've discussed it a lot.
Since then we have spent the night together, but just sleeping. I could deal with the no sex rule, but he is against everything except kissing before marriage, no matter how lengthy or committed a relationship. He is lovely but our morals are so different that I fear it will all end in tears. Is it fickle of me to consider ending it just because we can't have sex? Or if he is "the one", how do you know without having that experience together???
2007-05-22 03:58:50 · 19 answers · asked by pinklady1705 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hmmm, you seem like your both madly in love. Give it a few months and if your feelings are still the same, get married! Why wait?
take care x
2007-05-22 04:38:08 · answer #1 · answered by Sahra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the real question would be "could you date someone who had already had sex, when you don't believe in sex before marraige?" your boyfriend has already said that he would be willing to overcome that despite his beliefs. That's a massive gesture.
Although i'm the same as you, and I am not religious, I think it's a very appealing trait in a man to not want sex before marriage! This means that if you do get married, you will know that he really truly sees you as the one - which is not the case for a lot of people that get married and have already had sex!
I think it's a great thing and i think it shows he has a lot of respect for women.
Sex is part of a relationship, but only a small part. You can absolutely know a person without having sex with them. When you do have sex after marriage, if it is not as you'd hoped, it's something you can work on together.
However, this is just my opinion and if you're really not comfortable with it then you have to make a decision about walking away.
As long as your morals won't clash on other things later in life like what you can wear, if you will have children, if he wants you to be religious, etc, then I dont' see a problem. He IS compromising his beliefs, because he's willing to continue seeing you even though you're not a virgin.
You can absolutely know he's the one without having sex. I know that my boyfriend is the one, and our sex life needs a lot of improvement. In contrast I've had great sex before, and that guy definitely wasn't the one. Sex is a bonus in a relationship adn something to be shared and worked on. It's something that can be improved if it's not good. The bones of a relationship are what will keep you together. So if you have a great relationship, get married, but realise the sex is not good, you can both work on making the sex good.
I would date someone who didn't want sex before married. It would make me feel very special and lucky, actually!
xx Emmie
2007-05-22 04:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by Sparklepop 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
If you love him, you'll be prepared to wait. If he's such a devout christian then nothing will change his mind, you'll just have to deal with that and if you can't then you shouldn't be with him. That doesn't make you fickle at all, it just means that you've come from a different background and believe in something very different to him. Fair play to him that he told you from the beginning though. Most blokes make that their first priority!!
Make sure you are definate about your decision, whatever you decide to do because it could end up in tears for both of you. Good Luck x
2007-05-22 04:31:13 · answer #3 · answered by Libby F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm kind of with your bf on this one, as it's me in my relationship that doesn't believe in sex before marriage. But it's only sex that I have put a ban on, I still do everything else in the relationship. As I love him so much, I have agreed to everything else, just not full sex before marriage.
Surely you could make some kind of compromise together as in he will agree to some things, but not go all the way.
If this is not possible, then it'd depend on you I guess and your feelings towards him.
2007-05-22 05:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by littlepixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG I can't believe this is even a question. I am all for not having sex before marriage, sex is not something to take likely. Sex is something special for a husband and wife. You should feel honored that he has values and morals to live by. So if you do marry him, he can say that he waited for you, unlike you. . So now you want him to sleep with you plus all the other guys you slept with. If you ask me he should dump you
2007-05-22 05:05:28 · answer #5 · answered by Hi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, no I couldn't date anyone who believed that.
Not just because I want to have sex but because although sex does complicate things, it can tell you a lot about the relationship. I've only been in long term relationships when sex is involved.
Not to mention, what if you two aren't compatible sexually? You won't know this until after you are married to him.
Some people try to deny that sex isn't everything in a relationship and it isn't but it does have a lot to do with compatibility. And if you can't test out that attraction to see if your love grows or if your interest fades before marriage, you could be headed for regret and an unhappy married sex life.
This question can't be answered by people who don't know you, this is something you will figure out for yourself. Good luck!
2007-05-22 04:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by No 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
No way sex is a huge part of a relationship and if you are not compatible in bed then that's going to be a huge problem somethings just can't be fixed. And he sounds very religious and you are not eventually that is going to create a problem I would think it sounds as tho there are too many differences in this relationship for it to work sorry. Don't think of ending it because he would not have sex think about ending it because he is not willing to compromise or consider your needs.
2007-05-22 04:07:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think it's great to live by such morals when most people seem to have few or none. I'm sure this is tough for you both. If you loved him enough, this wouldn't be an issue. Sacrifice is an important factor in any relationship. If he really loves you, then I'm sure he's feeling just as frustrated by this as you.
2007-05-22 04:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
YOu should respect his morals, because he is a nice guy. I wish that all guys would be like him, men now a days saying all these things about females. If he loves you and you love him you could work things out, but imagine if you were him and he was you? Wouldn't you love your bf/gf more if they respected you for your beliefs and how you would like to use your body???
2007-05-22 07:16:11 · answer #9 · answered by Hiya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are one smart woman to be thinking this won't work. The two of you are way too different. This will be an issue later and even worse will be the religion. Find someone who is better suited to you.
I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't have sex with me. I value a good sex life with my partner, it's an important bonding process in any relationship. That and it's way too much fun to wait for.
2007-05-22 04:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋