Before we got engaged I told her I want to move back to my hometown. Its a nice small community with no crime. She agreed and said she would love to move there. I asked what about her kids? what if they wont move. She said all we can do is make sure they are more than welcome to move with us. If they want to move with their dad then they can.... We looked at houses there. Last night, her kids say they are not going. Now she is backing out. Since the "aggreement" we are engaged and we have a baby together. She said she cant leave her kids. I understand that because when I got divorced, I left to move in with my parents. I moved becasue of the divorce, I stayed because of her. Now I feel like I have been betrayed and lied to. I told her that this was a big posibility that they wont move and she seemed ok with it then. What do I do? Do I break it off with her and move? I have a child there too? I am unhappy here. I offered to drive the kids to their original schools everyday they say no.
2007-05-22 03:46:10 · 11 answers · asked by the need to know 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People have asked for details,.... one is 17 almost 18, the other is 12. Remember I have a kid in my hometown too plus it is 40 miles away. not that far to drive. we both will be working and commuting so the kids can come back to visit whenever they want. They have been offered this. Plus the 17 year old was offered a car to drive back and forth if she wanted to visit.
2007-05-22 04:19:48 · update #1
How old are these kids? Who gave them the power of decision making where they live? Sounds like they were given too much power. Kids are never going to want to leave their friends, but they will adjust, and quite possibly even love the new school, friends, house, etc.
If they are older teenagers, then maybe you could wait a couple years living in the town you are in until they graduate high school, then move to your town. You and your wife will both get what you want, and you won't ruin your marriage.
2007-05-22 03:53:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not saying she was right in what she did, however, when she agreed, she was probably hoping that her kids would come with her. She is probably hurt that they refuse to move and just can't bear to leave them. You cannot ask a mother to pick you or her children. Kids should come first. It is also possible that when she agreed, she truly thought she could make the move and NOW when it is time to do it, she just can't. Even if you do convince her somehow, she will probably be miserable. 18 months ago my husband got an awesome job offer out of Central Illinois. We were living in Dallas at the time. I had always told him I would support him in his career. Well, we have moved to IL, and I hate it. I also find myself resenting him because he knows I loved it in Dallas. She has to do what is right for her and her kids and you need to either compromise or do what is right for you, it is as simple as that. (Easier said than done, I am sure.)
2007-05-22 04:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one. She answered before she felt the emotional weight of the issue. You have to realize that she is more than just your fiancee, shes a mom. And as a Mom, she can't just choose to abandon her children, because that what she feels you are making her do by moving. What are the huge reasons you cant live there? If those reasons are more important than her and your child, then break it off. If not, then make the sacrifice and talk about possibly moving when the children are older. Compromise is a big thing, and it has to go both ways. Just realize the emotions of a mother, they will kill before they are seperated from their young. Its a strong emotional bond, and for you to ask and require her to sever that is difficult at best for a mother.
2007-05-22 03:55:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mary D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the choice here of either :
1. Marrying her and being a FAMILY with her kids and the one the baby the two of you have together. A family means that you do what is best for the kids, whatever that may be. OR
2. Walk out on your new baby bc you dont like the town its in and live where you want.
What do you want for your life in the long run? You alone where you want or you with a family compromising on some things?
2007-05-22 04:03:42 · answer #4 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your prospective mother-in-law is half right: *you* never should have bought him that truck. He wasn't supporting himself when you met him, and instead of seeing how he met that challenge, you gave him an easy out. Is it really that much of a surprise he still can't take care of his own life? Having him closer to home is not going to fix this problem. Neither is marrying him. If you want someone with your work ethic and common sense, call off the wedding and look elsewhere.
2016-04-01 02:19:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her, stay and wait until her older children are grown. She will be miserable away from them. You also have a baby to consider as well. The right thing to do is not put any further pressure on her and stay put. In time you will be able to move.
2007-05-22 03:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really hard. I don't think you should feel you have been lied to. She probably didn't realise how hard it would be, leaving her kids behind.
I wish you could talk them into a trial period. Kids are terrified of something new. And to leave your children with their father - that is really hard. If it helps, my son threatened to commit suicide when we suggested moving. And he did try. Not that I would have allowed myself to be blackmailed, it just fell through. And now he wishes we had moved. 15 years later.
Good luck. Don't be too hard on her. Try to be understanding and try to work something out, together.
2007-05-22 03:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to decide what is more important, where you live or who you live with. . . If you really want to be in your hometown then go. But if she is more important to you than where you live then stay. You have a right to be upset that she has changed her mind . . but you need to understand that her children come first in her life . . as they should.
2007-05-22 04:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by Drew's Mom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's what happens when you have a child with someone you're not married to. You have screwed up your life. You can't force her to move. End it. Take care of your child but find someone else.
2007-05-22 04:00:53 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
she is a mother. kids always should come first...that just proves what a great girl she is!!! do not feel betrayed, consider her feelings!!! tell her how you really feel honestly, and see where it goes from there.
2007-05-22 03:50:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋