fiance cheated on me while we were engaged. i didnt find out until a few months after we bought a house together, one that i could not afford on my own. i found out that he had been calling another girl by looking at his phone records. i asked him if he was cheating, and he told me no he wasnt. I did not really believe him, but i didnt want to just leave and lose everything without totally knowing the truth. Well, we went to counseling to address the fact that he had been calling this other girl. He lied to the counselor, and he lied to me, still saying nothing happened. I kept asking him, and 9 months later he finally admitted to having sex with the girl 10 times. We have a child together, and i stayed with him trying to work it out. we went back to counseling 2 times after that, but i felt that we needed more. We did get married a few months later, but my now husband refuses to go back to counselng. i've known truth for 1 yr . when i try to talk about it, he cuts me off, ignores
2007-05-22 03:36:09 · 7 answers · asked by eliza l 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Typical reaction of a guy caught, like nothing ever did really happen and refusing to deal with it. There is no real easy answer or solution to this, except you must look out for yourself and child. What do you really want to do and are you better off staying with or without this guy who cant seem to want to talk to you. You could let the past die and bury it and move on but that usually takes a very rare special person whom nothing ever seems to bother or you can choose not to deal with this emotional abuse, divorce him sue him for everything youre entitled to which automatically includes custody wth support, the house and possible spousal support and then move on to a better life. Choice is yours. Good luck
2007-05-22 03:46:43 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry. I know this is so hard b/c I went through this 5 years ago. I would suggest you create some boundaries (Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud/ Townsend), pray and find some support from people who have gone through this. Many churches offer groups like these. I have been divorced for 5 years after the affair and I am much happier as is our kiddo. A good first step is to start taking care of yourself. If you want to save the marriage then there is a great website with advice and forums to talk to others going through what you are. www.divorcebusting.com Either way please check out http://www.divorceasfriends.com/letgo.html.
Just remember be careful, if he is sleeping around then I would immediately stop "marital privileges" for your safety as well as an incentive for him to try to save your relationship. I would definately want to see major changes before I would change this stance. I will be praying for you. I love you and God loves you.
2007-05-22 10:53:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than him. I don't think I'd be able to marry him after I knew what he did. Find a plan to get yourself on your feet rather than rely on him because he doesn't seem to be emotionally reliable to you right now. Talk to some girlfriends, or a women's shelter to ask for advice on making a plan to get you started. I know you like to make things work but you don't want to be the type of woman that will weary and spying on your husband. You want to have trust. Spying turns you into something you will hate. Find who you are. If he ignores your needs for closure, truth and reconciliation, imagine what you're missing out on. You deserve better :)
2007-05-22 11:18:36 · answer #3 · answered by Peekoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to watch him girl because he might still be talking to her. Check his stuff, he might get a second cellphone (one of them pre-paid) and just buy minutes and talk to her that way so you want know nothing about it. Trust me he got to still be sleeping with her b/c if he wasn't it wouldn't have took him so long to tell you the truth. watch him, and I mean watch him good. He is your husband, but he is also a cheater.
2007-05-22 10:44:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised you went ahead and married him. He wasn't honest to you for the longest time but then, you married this man regardless.
I don't know what to tell you, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it...either that, or get divorced.
2007-05-22 10:43:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes the best thing thing is to let go, you will find someone who won't cheat on you and will truely love u and your child.
2007-05-22 11:03:11 · answer #6 · answered by lucy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems to me u r trying to make something work that will not...sell the house
2007-05-22 10:42:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋