im scared, terified and my fiance wont listen...?

Question

i have been in a very serious relationship or 2 years and we are already fiance and we know we gona be 4life, we have decided how many kids we want and their names, just one lil problem... im terrified of childbirth, i have never been very maternal and can only put up with kids for a few minutes, sure i wanna be a mom but my guy once said if i get a c-section and birth he will not give me another baby, thats such a nasty thing for him 2 say, i really do not like the idea of pushing a baby out of my vagina, my mom did it i know, blah blah, i know im gonna be on medication for pain but i prefer a clean way just by cutting me open and taking the baby out, what am i gonna do about my guy, **serious answers only please this is really breaking my heart**

Answer 1

i would wait to decide on this until you are pregnant. you could be soooooo surprised what you two would decide then. my friend was terrified of hospitals and giving birth but after having been pregnant for 9 months she surprised us all by going NATURAL - no drugs! she said she had experienced everything else with the pregnancy - why not go all the way. also by then the idea or "cutting me open and taking the baby out" might not be the best idea because of outside influences...you need 8 weeks recovery from a c-section vs. only 6 with a vaginal birth. I couldn't have afforded the extra 2 weeks without a paycheck (my insurance only paid something like 52% of my normal income for medical leave.) Decide on this when you come to the bridge not before its even on the horizon.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I feel the same way, which is why I will probably never allow myself to get pregnant. If you can't stand children for more than a few minutes, you shouldn't have one. Many woman feel they are supposed to have babies because we are taught that having a family is what we're here for, but don't let society or your fiance tell you what you SHOULD do. Do what you WANT to do. Not all women are meant to have children and women who know they are not maternal should not become mothers. It's that simple. If your biggest concern is YOUR pain, then you are not unselfish enough to be a mother. Being a mother means putting the child first...always. I'm not knocking you. I can't do it either. Also, most doctors will not perform a C-section anymore unless it is medically necessary. It is not natural and the scarring is bad. A good doctor won't do a C-section unless there is no other way - like the baby is stuck or something. It sounds like your heart is breaking because you're trying to be something you're not to please other people.

Answer 3

You and your man sound VERY immature. If THIS is such a big deal, how's it going to be when it comes to actually RAISING children? The childbirth is the easy part. The next eighteen years is what's hard.

Doctors will not do elective c-sections, and if they do, I question their practibility and common sense as far as practicing medicine. Doctors do not know what kind of effect all of the c-sections are going to have once these women of childbearing age get older.

If your man is going to say something like that to you, WHY, on God's green earth, would you want to be with him? A REAL man isn't going to care HOW you deliver. After all, regardless of how you deliver, you gave him the most precious gift in the world. His own son or daughter.

Both of you need to grow up before you have children. There's SO much more to this than how you're going to give birth.

Answer 4

I would do some more research on c-sections if I were you..it isnt just a clean cut and it isnt simple...you have your arms strapped down (think the crucifix) and you cant see anything..then you arent allowed to hold your baby until later...it is MAJOR abdominal surgery..if you give birth vaginally you can be up and moving around within about an hour of giving birth and feel good where as getting a c-section you will have to be bed bound longer and have much more trouble and pain moving around...I have had two vaginal deliveries and they were wonderful...you can get an epidural to stop the pain and it does work wonders..I left the hospital the next day and had such easy recoveries...its really not as bad as you let yourself think it is

Answer 5

Honestly I've never seen a doctor that will do a C section just because you want one. And trust me once you have a baby all the maternal instinct come out. but if you are that determined and so is ur fiance' then maybe this guy is not the one for you. It's not that scary. I was a nervous wreck for my first daughter but I made it through it and wouldnt change it for the world. Or pray that you have twins or more then you wouldnt have to worry about him giving you another baby J/K trying to help you smile a little hope all works out for you

Answer 6

Doctors won't give you a c-section just because you want one--it is major abdominal surgery with a long recovery time. If you are not maternal and cannot put up with kids for more than a few minutes, you probably shouldn't have any. It's unfair to any children you might have.

For the two of you to fight about something you clearly know nothing about is pretty sad. Take more time before you make a decision.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel about the childbirth thing. I'm terrified as well. I realize many of my friends have went through it and so did my mom but the idea just kills me. There are down sides to both a c-section and regular birth. You and your man just need to talk about this together and if he is still hard headed about it just wait until that baby comes! It will all change! I can guarantee that!

Answer 8

You have stated in your question that 'you are not very maternal and can only put up with kids for a few minutes' why on earth would you want to have children then?. As for the birth a doctor will only perform a section if there is a danger to you or your baby to deliver naturally!!!!!

Neither of you sound nearly mature enough to even think about having children yet.

Answer 9

Hello! It's not as bad as everyone says. I personally would have never WANTED as c-section! Recovery takes so much longer for a surgery and it's actually an amazing feeling having a child exit your body so naturally. You will still have contractions if you get a csection and have a nasty scar.

Your guy is just a little old fashioned... if you need a c-section I think he wouldnt be so upset about the idea of you getting one but I think he wans it to be a beautiful experience that you want to have. Fact is, it's your body, you need to voice your concerns and let him know how upset you are without getting emotional about it. GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

every woman is scared about childbirth,and if they say their not they are fibbing,but a c section is far worse and healing time is far longer and you'll still need drugs for the pain!i have had 3 children my husband saw me give birth to each and i begged for a c section with my last as i thought it would be easier and ended up having a totally natural birth and i was home 3 hours later, you guy is probably as scared as you and i bet if push came to shove and you did have to have a c section he would be there to hold your hand, men sometimes are just used to saying without thinking,as we are the stronger sex after all I'd like to see a man give birth because if they did the human race would be in serious trouble :)