I have been dating/living with a guy for over three months who is currently legally separated (for over 1 yr) and is filing for divorce this month, plus he has 2 young children (ages 5 and 2). They were separated long before I came into the picture and were already planning to divorce.
He wants me to meet his kids but I am hesitant because I dont want to further complicate his divorce. His ex doesnt seem to mind if I meet the kids, and even wanted to know if he was bringing me to his daughters pre-school graduation this week, but wants to meet me first. They are trying to work out custody and visitation issues now. Our relationship is very serious and we will probably get married within the year. I really want to meet them and feel like I am missing out on a part of him by not seeing him with them but just think I should wait a bit. How much longer should I wait? Thanks!
2007-05-22 02:29:14 · 15 answers · asked by Kelly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would tread lightly as the divorce is just starting. It WILL get ugly. If you are going to meet the kids, why not something less important to them than a school function and keep it light. This is a traumatic time for them so do not push or force anything. Keep the interaction with the kids on an irregular basis so they do not get too upset or too attached (in case things do not work out).
The best advice is to keep their feelings first and do what is best for them.
2007-05-22 03:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by Travis McGee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been together for 3 months and it is already serious? You are much braver than I am, lol.
ok. Either way, if he's ok with you meeting his kids, and his ex is ok with it too, then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't just go for it. As long as it is not going to create any unnecessary baby-mama drama, then you should be all good. These kids will be staying with you, living with you and become a big part of your life so you might as well embrace it now.
Good Luck and I hope all goes well with your new family.
2007-05-22 09:34:14 · answer #2 · answered by kristi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is a very sensitive issue honestly.....I understand that you have been involve with him for 3 months but, I think thats alittle too soon to explain to a 2 year old what's going on and who you are.....My boys are 10 and 9 years old and me and my husband is going through a divorce as we speak...He has been involve in a relationship for two years and our boys still have not met his girlfriend.....Our main concern is our boys and that should be the main focus on any situation involving children through a divorce....I think it's great that he wants you to meet his children but, he has to know if and when is it okay to bring you into their lives...I personally think two years may be too long but, three months is a short time....I think as long as it takes for the children to be okay in all aspects then you can move forward from there.........
Good Luck***
2007-05-22 10:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is not even done with the first marriage and he is already talking marriage with you ? I would be very leery of this one . Yes you should meet his kids but then it might be confusing to the kids if they meet you and then daddy decides he does not want you in his life or their life anymore you are going to be heartbroken especially if you get close to these kids . I think maybe you all are rushing into things . give the kids sometime to get used to the divorce before you throw them back into a marriage .
2007-05-22 10:21:39 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By the time I got to meet my husbands kids we had been together for almost 5 years. His ex didnt want him to see the kids. Now that he is finally getting to see them, it is wonderful and all you have to do is accept his kids and make a loving home for them and everything will be good. If he and his ex want you to be a part of the childrens lives then do so, dont expect too much as they trully dont understand what is going on, so tread lightly and dont try too hard, but dont be cold either. good luck
2007-05-22 09:35:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not for a VERY long time. You two shouldn't even be dating until his divorce was final, and probably not for a year after that. They have had their world turned upside down because of this all, and they don't need you horning in on their lives.
2007-05-22 10:46:52 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been dating for 3 months... Shacking up with him already, he's STILL married, just now filing for divorce..... And you "hesitate" to meet the kids?
You didn't hesitate to sleep with a married man... You didn't hesitate to shack up with a married man....
I'm thinking you just don't WANT to meet the kids. Hesitation is not your habit, until now.
2007-05-22 09:55:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just wondering if anyone has asked the kids when they want to meet you.
but in all if he is happy and she is happy to meet them then I would.
but ultimately it needs to feel right for you, maybe you have a fear of being rejected by them? which is a normal feeling
2007-05-22 09:43:18 · answer #8 · answered by mizticsoulz 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say ASAP. I would do it in a setting such as a park. If the kids are young enough have them play ball with Dad. Then you show up and play too. They will get comfortable with you in their environment.
2007-05-22 09:56:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
longer than 3 months!
2007-05-22 10:05:39 · answer #10 · answered by kat70359 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋