Why am I insecure about not giving birth the "regular" way?

Question

I am so anxious to have another baby with my husband. Our child is 15 months. However he was born 3 months early by C-section. Since then I have felt insecure because I did not "do what makes women strong"..give birth and have my husband watch our child be born because he could not be in the room for the c-section since it was emergency. My husband DID watch his other two children with his ex girlfriend be born the regular way. At times it makes me feel insecure along with the fact that my husbands family makes a big deal out of his ex girlfriend because she had his FIRST children. I am anxious to experience pregnancy all the way through and give birth the normal way but I am worried that these things will happen again. It really bothers me that my husband couldnt watch our son be born and fear this will happen when we decide to have another baby. Why does this make me feel so insecure?

i do not want another c-section

Answer 1

I think it makes you feel insecure because you think what she did was better. - That she has something to offer that you don't. This isn't a competition though. You have the man, not her. And, i think it is normal to want to not only equal but surpass your husbands ex but there is no reason to beat yourself up about it. He chose you, so you must be the better choice. Plus...The baby is his no matter how it was born or who was able to witness it. That's a life you two created together. That's the magical part of it. The womanly thing of natural childbirth is not only overrated, but outdated. AND, pay no attention to the in-laws. This relationship is between the two of you, don't let outsiders in or you are asking for trouble. If it continues to be a problem, or you really can't take it anymore, then the two of you need to sit and talk to them together.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

You just have to let those feelings go. I was in the same situation as you with the c-section, although my son was full term, I was induced but he went into distress and I had to have the surgery. However, I was under general, and my husband was the one who spent that first special hour with the baby - by some grace of God there was a very understanding nurse in the nursery who let him hold, help bathe, and do everything! So he had that specialness which I didn't, right away, because I didn't see the baby for an hour!
Talk with your husband about your feelings. Your doc. will be able to give you an idea of your chances of being able to have a VBAC, or if you cannot.

Answer 3

I think you feel insecure because that's how society is. Everyone is into this natural birth, natural this and that crap, and anyone who doesn't or can't do it the "natural" way is less of a mother. With both my sons, I went 2 weeks past due and had to be induced because my hormones are screwed up or something and I can't go into labor naturally. So right there I wasn'r "natural." Then I had to have an epidural because I wasn't "woman enough" to handle the pain. Then came the breastfeeding farce. I guess again because of screwed up hormones, my milk doesn't come in, so I have to bottle feed. I get so much crap from other mothers who say it's soooo much better to bf that I should be doing that, and I feel like a worthless poop of a mother.
Don't let anyone make you feel insecure about your birth experience. It takes way more to be a good mother than the way you give birth!

Answer 4

Im not exactly sure, but women tend to compare themselves to other women all the time. And im sure your hubby holds none of this against you. Its just like me. Im raising my hubby's ex-wifes 2 boys, she carried to term no problems perfect pregnancies blah blah blah LOL. I have two boys from a previous as well that i carried only to 35-36 weeks, tons of complications, bed rest and such. Im now 35 weeks 3 days with my hubbys child, and again same problems. Im already 100% effaced and was told it was "any day" But i dont care what hubby thinks in his head. He loves me and thats just the way it is. Bringing a child into this world is an awesome thing and you cannot help what your body can and cannot handle. Its not your fault. And hopefully your hubby is enough of a man to calm your fears :) You'll be fine and will have another healthy beautiful baby :)

Answer 5

My husband was in the delivery room for my second C section birth, ask your doctor to bring him in for the delivery, maybe you will be less insecure this way.

Answer 6

Speak to your doctor about allowing your husband into the delivery room. As long as he isn't squeamish, there should be no problem.

BTW, it's extremely tacky for your husband's family to be comparing your pregnancies with those of his EX girlfriend. They should be told politely, but firmly to keep their opinions to themselves.

Answer 7

girl i'm with you!! F*CK if i'd ever go through a natural birth! i've had 2 c-sections and i don't mind. i guess you can say i fear i will take a crap while pushing or fart or heck even have a huge rip down there!!!