Ok here's whats up..I recently met this guy on a website & originally wasn't too keen about wanting to get to know him because i normally prefer dating people around my own age..This guy is 9 years older than me..Guys around my age aren't all that great though..so we (the separated guy and I) ended up chatting and found out we have very many things in common, similar likes, thoughts,opinions about various things regardless of age difference. He's 36 separated 2 years but not yet divorced , has a 7 year old son part time, and im 27 year old college senior. We've known each other for about a a week + now online & have talked on the phone for several hours. He and his now X wife hardly talk..but he sees his son every day. We've been talking about wanting to meet for coffee perhaps or dinner. I asked him if his son is ok about him possibly dating again after 2 years of not seeing anyone...he said his son said "dad I would like u to be happy". what to do ?
2007-05-21 22:58:08 · 15 answers · asked by cnn360coffeebubbles 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm learning about this whole situation..being very careful because I've never dated a guy who basically comes with a package deal so to speak & I really don't want to get hurt.. Here are my additional thoughts...to this though because I'm learning as I go basically..
As far as I know & heard he seems to be a good man, good guy, responsible father, takes good care of his son. He and his X don't really talk but currently split the kid 50/50. One week the kid is over at his fathers house one week he's with his mom. He sees his son daily though, picks him up from school, spends time after school with him and has sat him down for a talk (long before he and I started talking..)about the possibility "Mom and I will never be but some day I may meet a wonderful new woman who could love me and you, would that be ok" kind of thing..The kid seems to have figured out (MOM AND DAD hate each other and there's no way they will get back together)..is it wrong for me to want to get to know this man?
2007-05-21 22:59:25 · update #1
They've been separated 2 years & she won't sign the papers because she's wanting to take advantage of him for money related reasons even if he's the one dressing their kid...
According to our most recent conversation..about this..(not because im nosey but because i was curious & i wanted to know more..)he said he's in the final stages of getting this thing with the divorce wrapped up because he knows she wants him gone & all she wants him for is his money..nothin else
Why are they separated ? What happend?
According to him (he's a military reservist)he got basically a "Dear John" e-mail from her while he was in Baghdad you know something cleverly titled like "I'm leaving You" basically because she was tired of him being gone..
He said she had no problem getting clothing discounts & using the comissary (like a military version of Costco) because of his military service, but she has a problem with him being gone. So she took off..before he got back and basically both agreed to divorce
2007-05-21 23:03:41 · update #2
We haven't met yet..but are looking to do so..possibly later this week or next week..for a coffee and get to know each other.
I know phone and internet can be great..but nothing beats of course meeting someone in person to see them face to face and see what they're all about.
I know single people can be liars, married people can be liars too..but what if i may meet a good nice guy ? Don't many of you who are single wish to meet a good person that you can be with perhaps ? Single divorced parents find it hard to date after a divorce im sure..but they too should be given a chance like other singles ,because people in general hope to meet a good man or woman.. right?
2007-05-21 23:29:26 · update #3
I don't see any moral issue with dating someone who is legitimately separated. The divorce is the legal end, but they are quite publicly not together any more.
2007-05-22 06:15:02 · answer #1 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will get a lot of harsh comments, so i will try not to be. Just one question why are they not divorced as yet, are there some issues he is not telling you, But if he can be honest with you then try it out, just be care full when meeting a more mature man over the Internet. For the ex wife as you call her, she will hate your guts and she will blame you for everything even though its not your fault or before your time ( in the relationship), the son is a totally different one , he might like you or not if he does like you then don't break the trust he has in you and don't let him get you in trouble for something he wants, if he does not like you then good luck they are sometimes worse then the ex wife and will tell the dad anything to get you out of the picture. If you feel OK with this situation then i will say try it, just keep in mind that the new boyfriend has a huge package and its not going to be easy. Hope that it will work out for you
2007-05-21 23:11:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first if he really wanted to be divorced he would be,my ex husband was a cross country trucker and did not want the divorce but i managed to get it anyway and it took all of 6 months.the old story about wives hanging on to the husband for the money is really no true she will be entitled to support payments for the child and if she gets a good enough lawyer alimony as well.i wont assume to tell you what to do but remember nothing makes us want something more then when someone else has it and when the wife finds out hes dating it could spark her to want him back the question is will he go back?i would move very slowly with this man i mean after all it takes a while for him to make up his mind or he wouldn't be separated for 2 years and still not divorced.
2007-05-22 00:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by patbgone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can appreciate that you are considering the possibilities of his ex not yet divorced wife... On behalf of you, I suggest that you get down to the bottom of a divorce. Make sure that he is going to get it one day, or else what good will that do you...
And then there is more to his side then he is saying.
Also, make sure you see him in more than one surrounding type before you make any major decisions, being that you have just talked on the net and phone, he could be lying...
Just be careful...
2007-05-21 23:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by src8784 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer to this question and what a very bad idea it is. Married men lie all the time. And for all you know in a weeks time is that he says it is over. For all you know, he can still be very married. But, your going to do what you want to. If you are wanting support for the situation, you wont get it from me.
Not yet divorced means not yet unmarried. Which means NOT AVAILABLE!!
2007-05-21 23:16:57 · answer #5 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An entire week?! Are you just trying to wind us up?
Not only do you need to keep your paws off until the whole deal is finalized, before putting paws back on, you need (yes, *need*) to find out *exactly* why he is divorcing. Who had a honey on the side--him, or her? Or both? Of course he's probably not going to fess up, so you need to ask her to, and to do that, you'll need to wait at least several months until the entire ordeal is finalized (legally). Otherwise, she'll take him to the cleaners, and that will affect you, too.
2007-05-21 23:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you should give it a little time to see which way things go, cuz u dont want this guy to resent you if deep down he wants to get back with his seperated spouse, sorry i may have my facts wrong but i didnt want to read ur huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge question, as im sure many others may find it too much to read it all, but hey im not everyone, personally i think you should date a single guy, someone more your age, love usually puts a temorary blindness on everything, but you soon wake up and smell the coffee, you dont wanna wake up in 5 or 10 years and be like wtf have i done?
2007-05-21 23:04:30 · answer #7 · answered by im_niceguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex left me for the love of her life, He was married but seperated. She lived with him for 25 years when he died. No will, so his wife not my ex got everything cause he did not get around to a divorce. Are you sure you want to go down that road, it can be a very long one.
2007-05-21 23:20:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a divorced guy's perspective, ther is no reason that someone who WANTS to be divorced after 2 years is not yet. You really need to be careful. Do yourself a favor, don't get involved with this guy.
2007-05-21 23:10:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is don't date this guy until he is divorced, and even after the divorce is final, be careful not to get serious too fast. These situations tend to be very sticky!
2007-05-21 23:03:02 · answer #10 · answered by Kerry 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋