Divorced mother of a 6yr old, I need dating advice?

Question

my bf of 1 and 1/2 yrs, he is really upset and hurt bc there have been? several times where my 6 yr old daughter has walked past him and didn't speak.and even though I've gotten on to her about it, a few weeks later she'll do it again,she says she likes him, but my bf says I force her to adknowlege him. & hes a outsider. & I make excuses for her. he's made out to b the bad guy. he feels he goes 2 up 1 back as far as our future, he put a lot of time in us, and is not getting the same back. He feel he confronts her most of the time alone, I said I'd talk with him to her and 1 on1 with her . I told him I care about is feelings and will be unbais with my child, I apologized, I said I would do anything I can for him to feel better. What else can I do for him?

Answer 1

It sounds lke you handeled it well. After all you can't control your child to that extent.

Answer 2

Carolyn, did you read what you wrote and then restated. Here is what has to happen, HONOR YOUR CHILD! Seriously, not to be hurtful, but the child cannot be expected to navigate your adult decisions well, though you have the right to make them. Through her eyes, the vision is not what you are recognizing. Logically, you need and want to move on, but did she?, and was she ready when you presented this other "decision" to her? She does not feel honored, and it seems she is resentful. Put the "power" into her hands, so to speak, allow her to arrive with you upon a decision. She needs the safety of knowing she is important and will not be sent away like"daddy". I am divorced now and have two, and I presented all possible scenarios, before hand, and of course there will be times when I will make the decision and they now know that, but the foundation of consistantcy is laid already. I suggest that you halt things seemingly, and in agreement with your bf, and do lunches and such with your daughter, explain that he's a nice guy who makes you happy, but that you noticed that she seemed not to be happy for you. Let her know that each of them have different happiness to offer and you really need to be happy with them both. I don't think this is dishonest at all, but it gives some opportunity for her imput, and therefore honors her, REMEMBER THAT ALL YOU WANT IS A WILLINGNESS TO TRY, JUST TRY, ON YOUR BEHALF, FOR YOUR ADULT HAPPINESS, AND STATE THAT IT'S YOUR DECISION TO MAKE NOT HERS, BUT THAT YOU WANTED TO SEE WHAT SHE THINKS...THEREBY HONORING HER. Oh yeah, I'm sure that you ask what she thinks of clothing, food choices, music, etc... I'm a mom too, just be inclusive with her about the bf, as well. All the best to you in your restructuring, and I think that your bf will support this effort. Be sure to tell your daughter that you care about her feelings also, and realize that she is "STILL" developing! The best part is that you two are attacking this together! Bravo to you both!

Answer 3

My parents divorced when I was 7. When my father remarried a year later, he always put the new wife first. Whenever there was a disagreement between us and the "step-monster" he would tell us to remember that he was spending the rest of his life with HER, not US! Is it any wonder we never liked the woman? You can not force your child to have a relationship with your BF. You have to let her decide for herself. And NEVER make her feel like you are choosing between her and him. It just creates resentment on her part ( unless of course you're choosing HER).
By the way, my father has been married TWICE since the step-monster and I'm the one he calls for relationship advice now. No matter how great you think the person is, the only ones who will truly be with you the rest of your life are your children!

Answer 4

Have you ever thought about putting your daughter first and not some guy. She is 6 years old. This is not her dad and it sounds like you are shacking up. What a great example you are giving your daughter. Your daughter needs YOU right now. Not all of this drama that you have forced her into. It is not her resposibility that your boyfriend feels good.

Answer 5

She's only 6!!! Kids are very honest. She probably feels a little uncomfortable knowing that you're actually in a relationship with someone other than her dad. Very natural feelings. He shouldn't confront her, because that can drive her further away. As her Mom...talk to her and let her know she can be honest without fear of punishment. Think of what you can do regarding her feelings, instead of his. He has to be open and realize...she's only 6!!!

Answer 6

She might have a reason why she doesn't like him.in this day and age you can't be too careful.ask her when the 2 of you are alone if he's ever touched her or been mean to her when you weren't there.most predators are wolves in sheep clothing and target specifcally single mothers.they do make a VERY BIG DEAL to the mother when the kid doesn't like them.They try to turn the mother against the kid to make the kid think the mother won't believe them.WATCH HIM SEE HOW HE LOOKS AT HER WHEN HE THINKS YOU'RE NOT WATCHING AND HIS BODY LANGUAGE WHEN HE'S AROUND HER. PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST!

Answer 7

He should think about the ways of a six year old, attention span is different and changing all the time. Teach him to roll with the flow. Teach her to roll with the flow. However, don't forget that you are "stuck" with her forever whatever happens in your relationships.

Answer 8

never use a child to get attion from any man this is wrong as far as dating it.s like riding a bike you never forget how to. in my opion?

Answer 9

if the bf of yours really loves you he'll love also all you'd loved........
you can change your partner in life no matter how many...no matter who...but your daugther....you can never replace her....remember that...