..even after marriage and kids - some people are very clever at manipulating their inner feelings of hatred - what would you do when you all of a sudden. discover his true identity? Continue in the relationship given he has no other flaws except the poisonous influence he could have on your kids with his words and subtle actions.
Given this person is so deeply entrenched in his racist hatred that there is no scope of reforming.
Those who feel they are anti-racist, honest answers please?
2007-05-21 17:31:15 · 17 answers · asked by phoenix 3 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
i guess it would depend on how it came out that he was racist - if he's arrested for racially agravated assault or something similar, then i would look again at the relationship, but that's also about his behaviour as much as his beliefs.
If he suddenly made a comment to me one day and opened up about his feelings, then i would have to question why he has lied, why he has kept this hidden and what else he has hidden from me. My best mate is Sri Lankan and her dauhter is half Sri Lankan and half English and my god daughter, another friends son is half Jamaican and i have indian friends, so i would want to know why he had not been honest when they are such a part of my life.
it would also depend on how he acted around our children - if he was saying things to them, to try to influence them, how would he act if our kids brough home a partner or had a baby who wasn't white?
if he suddenly started beinmg bigoted towards my friends and poisoning the minds of our kids, we would never do anything but argue and gight so there wouldnt be much of a relationship anyway and yeah, it would end. if he agreed to always be polite to my friends, to never poison our childrens minds etc then no, i guess after however many years of marriage and kids etc i would want to work through it
HOWEVER
i dont think that someone could have such strong feelnigs and you not know. maybe if you chose to ignore it and deny it you could pretend it wasnt so, but i think in reality that people say things and if you really listen, you can tell. i had a relationaship where he was never overtly racist, but there were odd comments and yeah, it did precipitate the end of the relation ship
2007-05-22 00:55:07 · answer #1 · answered by hazei_2000 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wonder whether I would be that stupid to be fooled by a big closet racist, well, but I believe love is blind too. So, if this really happend and so "unfortunately" - he couldn't fool me in my whole life, and my eyes open and can see the truth again, I would divorce him, find my way out and certainly, I would try my best to bring my kids with me.
If I made a mistake, still, I have no doubt that I am mature and brave enough to solve the problems and re-organize my life + get it back on the right track! I do think, being a mother or parents, their biggest task is to protect their kids and make them to be happy and open-minded persons with pride + dignity and teaching them how to respect the others!
2007-05-21 18:31:08 · answer #2 · answered by Aileen HK 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I know that you don't want your kids expose to the bull so I would leave him alone. I have had experience with bfs families who were racists but I don't have any children but I myself don't want to be around anyone who is a racist. I feel why would a racist want to date or marry someone of another race if they hate them so much. The only thing I can do for people like that is pray for them. I hope that you are not in a situation where your life or your children's lives are endanger. I will keep you in prayer.
2007-05-21 17:44:04 · answer #3 · answered by Amber76 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Given that I had a way out, I'd take it! I grew up in Sacramento, CA., the most racially integrated city in the United States, so I'm socially color blind. I doubt anyone with even the slightest racist attitudes, who knew me well enough to marry would be the least bit interested in marrying ME! They would know I would not tolerate racist behavior or comment in any way. I'd scare the h-e-double toothpick out of them! Yes, seriously.
In all honesty, I think most people who seriously considered marriage before they got married would find that particular attitude obvious, thus preventing a surprise expose` of such proportions. That said, life manages to surprise us at times, in ways you would think least likely.
2007-05-21 17:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know anyone who is 'only' racist.
They usually are bigoted on many levels.
I would seek counseling with my SO and if we could not agree to stop racist language, behavior, and actions, I'd go my separate way.
I do have to say that I think this would not happen to me, though, because my kids are noticeably mixed race and the potential partner would surely show racist tendencies before we committed.
Good luck
2007-05-21 17:39:17 · answer #5 · answered by Croa 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry I cannot agree on this one.
Surely, if they have so much 'hatred' and they were so
deeply entrenched. Why have you NOT picked up on it.
There must have been signs.
All you can do is use YOUR influence with yr children.
And make him see we all have our opinions.
I would be very hurt, upset and angry that he could keep
such a secret.
2007-05-22 00:21:02 · answer #6 · answered by Minxy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you could keep something like that hidden for any length of time and i doubt very much they would be a big teddy bear in every other sense!
for the sake of answering your question, no i could not continue to have a relationship with someone whos views were so totally insane.
2007-05-22 07:47:43 · answer #7 · answered by gemx24 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as you never realy knew this person in an honest and open way then the relationship you were in was a lie therefore there never realy was a great relationship in reality so wake up dream over move on and find a more open person to be in a relationship with who doesnt hide parts of themselves
2007-05-21 17:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by sjhynes 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is it sexist if I say -- "Only a man would ask such a stupid question."
Since women are suposedly "superior" when determing the inner thoughts of people, this scenario could only happen to a man who's married a racist woman.
lol
2007-05-21 17:38:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jasumi 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-04 23:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋