Should I relocate?

Question

My husband of nearly 15 years left me for another woman. We were separated since 2/2004 and the divorce was final 1/2005. Now I am planning to marry the sweetest man in the world... I adore him, but he lives in another state. My family, friends and the kid's family and friends are all here. The boys seem fine with us moving, but am I really doing the right thing? Is it fair for me to relocate? Their Dad is not happy about me taking the boys and there will be a court date to settle this, but chances are the judge will allow us to move. Do you all think this is ok or am I being selfish? We are only talking about a 4 to 5 hour drive really.

Answer 1

I would only say yes if you are willing to help out in ensuring your boys get to spend time with dad. You should help with getting them there or back on their regular visits. You are right, chances are the judge will allow you to move, but he will also possibly make you pay all costs for travel for visitation since you are the one moving.

Either way the most important thing is making sure the boys never lose contact with their dad.... never.

Answer 2

You sound like you are very happy with this wonderful new man and there is no reason why you shouldn't pursue your own happiness. It is not a selfish thing to do, to think of your future happiness and for all your ex put you through, you richly deserve it. If you boys are fine with moving, there should be no reason to stop you. However, please research this new place you want to move to. Get to know where you can turn for help, if the need ever arises. (Trust me, no situation is ever as perfect as it first seems.) Make sure to start making new friends as soon as you arrive, and always, always, always stay in contact with your family and old friends. They seem to have stuck by you so far and will in the future, they have a more unbiased view of things. I'm sure your future will be wonderful and I wish you and your boys well. Don't let your ex drag you down, he's already done enough. Hold your head high in court and move forward. If he is a dedicated father then he will make the effort to stay in contact with his kids, if not, at least your boys will get to see other side of their dad.

Answer 3

Your being selfish.

The boys need to continue to be with their Dad consistently, not just when a 5 hour drive can be made.

I also don't think that you can't know someone well enough to marry them when they live in another state. If he really loves you, tell him to support you and move to where you are. Your children have alot at stake taking them away from their Dad, and your 2nd marriage has even more at stake, especially with children from another marriage.

Better yet, raise your children without involving another relationship that's almost doomed from the start (statistically). It's probably only a few more years until they leave the nest anyway.

Answer 4

You cannot live the rest of you life worrying about what your husband thinks, my kids moved with their mom 5 and a half hours away and once or twice a month I drive out to see them and they come to my house in the summer. You have to be happy and if moving to another state is the path you must follow to be happy and your children will be as good or better off then there is no question. Go for it!!!

Answer 5

Are you so certain that the court will allow you to move? If this "sweet" man you're going to marry were to adopt your children there would be nothing your ex could do about it. However if your ex can show where it that 4 - 5 hour drive would be a "hardship" then the court just might tell you to stay put and that your future "sweet" man can commute. It's happened before. I suggest you not count your chickens until they are all hatched.

You have to remember custody court rulings aren't based upon what the parents WANT it is based upon what the court determines what is best for the CHILDREN.

Answer 6

Hi..If you really love each other, and he gets long well with your children.. and you have discussed this with your children.. Go! Life is short..If you have an opportunity to start a new life..Do it!
Because, if you let this opportunity for happiness pass you by, you might regret it someday..
The kids will make new friends, you could still visit your family and friends..invite them to spend the weekend with you once in a while..But most of all..Be Happy!
PS..Insofar as your ex is concerned..the court will provide him with visitation rights....And you're not being selfish!

Answer 7

If you're good with it and the kids are good with it, then who gives a damn what your cheating ex husband thinks? If he's not happy about it, remind him that if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be divorced and getting remarried. If it weren't for him, your kids would still have an intact family with two parents. (And families everywhere have grandparents, aunts/uncles,cousins that live across the country and across the world. That's what phones, e-mail, cars, and planes are for.)
Now, you have the chance to have a man who loves and respects you AND your children and you need to take it. If a 4-5 hour drive for his kids is too much for your ex, he should have thought about that a few years ago. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 8

OK I am prejudice in this matter. I am a military brat. I hated moving every few years. My goal in life has been to have my kids graduate with the same kids they started K-garten with. I say don't move. BUT, I see you have to live your own life and kids are very resilient. I know this is not a good answer but that's both sides of the coin. My view (as a jealous kids, who was the outsider) and as an adult who KNOWS she is entitled to still have a life (even though her kids might not think so!). Good luck and what ever you decided I know you love your kids and they will be fine!

Answer 9

Unless you pay for all of the travel expenses for the father to see the children and give him one HELL of a visitation schedule (major holidays and all summers, to make up for all the weekends & weekdays he is about to lose) then yes, you are being selfish.

Your children come first until they are 18 years old. They deserve to be by their biological father until that time.

Obviously you have had a long distance relationship with this new guy for a while...I don't see why that can't continue, or why he can't move to where you live to make things easier for you and your children.

Answer 10

no your not being selfish..as long as the father gets visitationa dntime in summer etc...then its not selfish at all..you are tryign to get a new family started and in order to provide a new start with a new man ..then sometimes you ahve to do what is necessary and apparently you moving is what needs to happen.....so think about your happiness and your new life..dont allow your ex to control this situation because its your life...