Husband belittling me?

Question

Here is my question: My husband and I have been together for 8 years (married for 5). I worked FT for all 8 years and he worked odd jobs but quit/fired from all. We have a 4 y.o. son. I recently changed careers from a stressful job to a job in Early Childhood. It is less pay but very rewarding and I feel good about it not like a number as in my old job. My husband FINALLY got off his duff and got a job. Now all of a sudden he is acting smart saying I have a half a$$ job now and don't have anything to offer because my folks are dead and I have no family and just on and on. He goes out to bars until end of work to 3am the next day 6 out of 7 nights a week. I am tired and he comes in turning on lights, tv and yelling. I explain my feelings to him that I am lonely and need help with son/house. He says he'll do what he wants and I can get out because I have "nothing to offer anyways." He forgets the 8 years I supported his duff right? My question here is what do I do to make him stop this?

Answer 1

Leave him, take your son, and go live somewhere else. It will only get worse. Then divorce the bum.

Answer 2

Wow, you cannot do anything to make him stop this. He is a self centered and self indulgent jerk. Sorry to be so blunt, but you spent years supporting his lazy backside, and now he is lording it all over you and telling you that you have a half*** job.

He had multiple jobs over the years that he has quit or been fired from. Wow, he sounds like a real prize. You would be smart to take your son and leave him. If he is so all knowing and all powerful, I'm sure that he can take care of himself.

Make sure that you get child support also, so that he will be forced to work.

I know that you have a child together, but why have you stayed with this jerk for all these years? You and your son deserve better.

Stand up on your feet and move on, then he will stop when he realizes that you are no longer around to listen to his crap.

I wish you and your son the best.

Answer 3

Gather your copies of your income tax filings for every year you were together/married. Make appointments and have documents in hand for your first appointment with two or three divorce attorneys...the first 45 minutes is usually free. If you live in a no fault divorce state not a one of them will care about how he is treating you. Have them collect the facts, give you your options and then hire one to file your divorce petition that includes a restraining order. Have your soon to be ex served and on that day have your locks changed and have his stuff in the garage, on the porch or have the key for the storage facility where you have deposited his things with the papers.
It isn't just his drinking but it is his drug use that is bringing out his bold BS. Drunks usually can't last that long awake and it is rare that you can understand what they are saying. A methamphetamine user can also be a drunk, is wide awake and loudly abusive. Your son does not need to learn that this is the way you treat a woman you are supposed to love and cherish.
You cannot help this bully soon to be ex...he is the master of the world he misguidedly thinks he rules.

Answer 4

I am really sorry to read all this thing about your husband's behaviour . Make him sit & talk when he is not drunk & he seems to be in sences. Sort out what you have to say in front of him.
Don't make him feel that u r weak & can't carry all alone but try not to bring this thing into discussion . Focus about the kid & his future if keeps disturbing the whole family atmosphere.
Then u can make him realize about the last 8 or so years when he used to be nothing & u did'nt say a single word about that. Now he should stop behaving like a stupid & stubbern mule but be rational about the life.
money is something not the everything. Family makes a house "A home". money can only buy a house not a home.
Real peace of mind can't be bought by money but through love & trust. Good luck

Answer 5

I don't see much good in this relationship. You carried the load in the first years and deserve to have a job you can be happy with. What does he mean by "You have nothing to offer"? Most men are proud to support their families and will do without for themselves in order for their loved ones to be happy. Many men would be thrilled not to have in-laws to deal with. Please give this some thought-what would happen if you became physically unable to work? I think your life would become a living hell and he would probably abandon you and your son. Sounds like he may have an alcohol problem, too. I don't have much hope for the future of this relationship

Answer 6

Wow what a lazy mf'er. I've been married for 8 year too. If you like the job stay with it for that reason and not your husbands. You should be proud that it is full-filling and the weight is lifted. Being a smart-*** is not cool in any why maybe he is jealous? I'll be real honest with you I would get out of this relationship unless you believe he's you friend for life.

Answer 7

You cain't stop someone who don't want to stop and listen to your feelings and keeps on acting a a$$. Just simply face the truth and leave. I wouldn be with someone who is putting down on you ANd your the one who has supported him. Leave for your sake and your son. Think about your son. I bet he don't like all the yelling i know i didn't when i was a kid and my parents fought all the time. Think whats best for your son. You got a good job and he can pay child support. there food stamps and you do have family you have your son. Hope you find what is best for yaw good luck

Answer 8

Unfortunately, the only way to make him stop is to leave and not come back, UNLESS he makes a REAL effort to change his ways. meaning some rigorous counseling. He's not happy. You're not happy and you deserve better than what he is offering you. He has used you throughout the years and you have enabled him by letting him sit on his ***.

it is time to move on and get some respect from someone who appreciates you for you.

You can try talking with him, but it sounds like he has shut down the lines of communication.

Answer 9

Sound to me like he wants his freedom. Do you think he has
a new friend. Just don't sound to good. He hanging out with a
new crowd, Something is funny in the hen house. I think I would start saving some money really quick. Don't say anything yet get some money back first. Then when you have some money ask him. I bet he will blow his top. You need to
take care of your self and your baby he sounds like a jackass

Answer 10

You need to pack your bags and take your son and move out. He is being very clear by his actions he is tired of the marriage / relationship.

The job thing he is totally insecure about himself and to make himself feel good he has to be a jerk to you. He is going to continue this until you leave him.

Leave him and if he decides to change then talk about reunification.

He is also being a very poor role model to your son. I'm sure you don't want him growing up thinking this is how you treat women?

Answer 11

It's really easy to say "leave him," but the people saying that aren't walking in your shoes. You are being abused and it will get worse. It's NOT your fault. He's putting you down to try to feel better about himself. He'll only feel worse and worse. You CAN'T make him stop. You need help to deal with one of the most stressful situations a woman can go through and having a child with him only makes it worse.
May I respectfully suggest that you phone R.A.I.N.N. at 1-800-656-HOPE. Visit their website at http://www.rainn.org/ also. The call is confidential and they can help you to connect with someone in your area you can help you sort out your feelings.
R.A.I.N.N. is a great resource for victims of incest and sexual assault but it is not just for them. The A is for abuse and they can and do help.
If you prefer, you can use their website to search for a local help resource. Go to http://tools.rainn.org/counseling-centers/index.html and enter your zip code.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and wish you hope and healing.