How can I handle my husband?

Question

o.k. I have been married for almost 5 years. We have 2 beautiful boys. One is 3 and the other 2. I love my husband to death but I so wish he would be more affectionate and responsive.

He very rarely shows emotion except for the bedroom which doesn't happen too often lately. He tends to nit pick alot and never gives me compliments.
I have been running for about 6 months and I look good. I was in the buff tonight and asked him if I will look good in a bathing suit and he just said something along the lines as your not planning to wear a bathing suit anytime soon?? The comment broke my heart. I thought it was sooo rude. He can be honest to a fault. I am not 20 anymore, I am 35 with 2 kids and I really believe that I look good. He just hurt me and annoyed the heck out of me.
Marriage is really tough I tell y'a. I know I will be with him till the end but nights like this make me feel darn lonely. The only time he is expressive is in cards on special occasions.

Answer 1

You may not want to hear this but here it is like it or not. It is the 100% truth. I did not understand this until years into my marriage also. Husbands Need, Must have RESPECT from the Wife. If he doesn't get it from the wife, he shuts down emotionally, sexually, distances hiself, etc... Men want Respect, Women want Love. Man shows no love, woman shows no respect. Full circle, that never ends till one learns how. Get off the Merry go round, get off the crazy cycle and stat showing him some Respect. It will take a short time and he will (should) start showing you love again. It sounds to me like a husband that gets no Respect at home from wife. ???
Only you and God know true answer. But anyway, there it is.
Plain and simple, two little words with so much meaning.
Love and Respect.= Happy marriage. Good luck, you can do it. Its not easy sometimes, its hard to show respect at alllll
times, but the rewards are so worth it to have the husband you desire and love. Hang with it, be patient.
I will even tell you a book to buy on it. If read, applied, it will make your marriage do a 100% degree uturn. Honestly.
Just remember, patience and that You can do It!!

Answer 2

I"m sorry to tell you this but alot of guys deal with affection in different ways because of the way they were raised. It sounds to me that your husbnad had a father that couldn't show emotion either and well he saw how he treated his mother and well he figured if it worked for his dad why won't it work for him. I think you need to tell your husband that you need more affection and attention from him that you feel alone, rejected and that there is this displacement in the marriage. Tell him that you are not his mother and that you demand that he treat you with more respect then his father may have shown his mother. I think this may hit the nail on the head.

Most phychiatrists will tell you when a husband and a father has a problem expressing his feelings it is because he was never given much affection as a child. Or they think they will lose there mucho personality if they show a little compassion and affection to there loved ones.

Really tell him how you feel and what he said the other night really hurt your feelings. Men cannot read womens minds.

P.S. If you do not want a honest response from your husband never ask how you look in something that is one question that most men will not answer. Of course most who have a brain would tell a simple white lie like you would look great in anything.

It just sounds like your hubby was being honest is that not what you want rather him to lie?.

God Bless and Best Wishes.

Answer 3

A persons first response would be to treat him like he treats you. Don't do it. Keep working on yourself, keep feeling better about yourself. Remember who you were before you got married and take up an old hobby. He might perk up when he finally notices what you're doing. Focus on treating him how you want to be treated. You can try telling him how you're feeling but I'm betting this won't work with him. He might just be going through a phase or a slump. Maybe he doesn't feel good about himself so he lashes out at you. Encourage him to do the things he loves. Do and say the things that you want from him. Being a married man with two young kids is a big responsibility (I know being a mother is too...but we're talking about him) Will he open up about what he's going through right now? It sounds like you both need a little break together to rekindle your relationship. Make the time to do it and maybe he'll relax and feel like complimenting you. Good luck and keep up the good work...I be you'll look GREAT in your bathing suit!

Answer 4

If your husband is nit picking and not giving you the affection you have, in the past, been accustomed to receiving, you need to back off and observe his other behavior. Is he spending more time away from home, out of town or at the office lately? Does he neglect to spend time with his sons?
Has money been disappearing from the family funds lately without explanation? Have there been any strange telephone calls or hang up calls? Has his grooming/exercising to improve his physical appearance accelerated recently? Can you reach him by phone at all times of the day and night?
If you answered "yes" to the first five questions and/or "no" to the last one, your husband might be having an affair. Talk to him when you are not feeling too emotional and tell him you would like for him to show more personal interest in you and for you to have more quality time together because you are feeling rejected by his insensitive comments about your appearance in a bathing suit. If things do not improve after that he could be going through a midlife crisis and you might consider getting marriage counseling together before the situation deteriorates.

Answer 5

I have been with my husband for 13 years. We have only one little girl age 3. I have trouble starting things in the bedroom as I have come to the understanding lots of women do. We did go to a marriage retreat earlier this year (not because our marriage was in trouble but because we wanted it to be better and stronger). The things I learned were more about my problems in the realationship. Just the little things. Men don't want to be asked do I look good because they don't want to lie, and unfortunatley we do not look like super modles to them and that is what they like. You have to be happy with the way you look and that is all that matters. Count your blessings that he remembers to be expressive in cards on special occasions. How long has it been since you did something romantic for your husband? Having kids puts a strain on things in every aspect of your marriage. When you two first got married you put each other first, now I bet you put the kids first. Just remember the kind of marriage you have in front of your children is the kind they will expect to have when they fall in love and get married. Put each other back in the spot light. Try putting your spouse first again. Let him know that he hurt your feelings but don't harp on it, say what you have to say and move on. When things get heated up don't say things you will regret. Stop and take a moment to cool off even if it is the next day before you can talk about chances are it wont be that big of a deal after you have a chance to cool off. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.

Answer 6

First of all Good Morning. I will get right to it. I have a husband EXACTLY like yours. We have been married for 10 very long years. He NEVER says he loves me unless I say it first. He is only affectionate in the bedroom too. Then of course you feel like you are being used. It is an emotional abusive situation. I have 4 kids and if I did not have so many kids I would have left long ago. Not to mention I am a christian. You just remember who you are in yourself and be happy with you. Then you will not need to hear it from him. I learned that years ago. Men like ours will never learn how to love someone because their hearts got trampled on by someone before us. At least that is what happened to mine. I am second best. His first love hurt my hubby bad and now after 10 years he still has issues with opening up and being emotional. He calls me a cry baby if I complain about anything or if I even cry at all. My husband is a jerk. If you need to talk I am here Just remember You are important no matter what he says and no matter what is going on in your life. I am proud of you for even asking for help in this issue. It takes guts to reach out when you are hurt in that way. You are BEAUTIFUL!!! Everyone here that reads this shoud say the same. You have done a great job on your running too. Keep it up for you not him. If you need to talk I am here. God Bless you!!!!

Answer 7

Some men are not demonstrative since they were brought up that way. You are lucky that he remembers you on special occasions and even gives you cards and presents. There are no perfect husbands and so with perfect marriages so settle down with what God has given you. As long as he is a good provider and good husbands do not look for his faults. We also have our own faults like being vain. It is good he is not the jealous type or you will never be abe to wear a bikini.

Answer 8

Has he always been like this? If so, you shouldn't be shocked. I think that you might be feeling a little lost and in need of extra reassurance. Maybe you are trying too hard and actually turning him away. The other thing is that he isn't 20 anymore either - his sex drive might be slowing down a little, too.... I find that women look toward sexuality for comfort and reassurance when we are stressed out. Men seem to shut down sexually when they are stressed out. Maybe there is something outside of home that has him stressed or maybe he does think you look fantastic and is worried that he doesn't measure up. The one thing I picked up in your question is that you love each other:) One other thought (this one ticks me off, too) - maybe he was preoccupied with TV or something else when you asked him and just gave you an answer - any answer.

Answer 9

Men never notice us after a few years of marriage. I have the same problem. I have been working out for months, eating great and look great now and he never compliments me either. It is hard. I feel lonely a lot like he could just leave me and not care. I think it is a rut. Every couple goes through it. Try to spice it up a bit if that doesn't work we either have to live with it or move on ourselves.

Answer 10

I have been married twelve years, I know what you are saying and what you are feeling. Men take their women for granted and I found the best way to handle them is to make them think everything is their decision. I did everything for my husband right from the start and now I wish I never did, he is worse than my two kids. There is an old movie called "how to train your dog slash man" It is awesome check it out you will learn a lot. Hang in there and shut the TV and computer off because it really seems to wreck marriages.