How can I help my son who doesn't want help? He has no goals, how can I motivate him?

Question

My 17 yr old son suffers from mental illness. When he was younger he had ADHD, ODD and was learning disabled. As he got older he only got worse. By the time he was 14 yrs old our state's laws (PA) gave him the right to refuse treatment. Ever since then he has flat out refused all attempts to help him. Counselors, social workers and educators have been unable to reach him. Family and friends pleas to him have fallen on deaf ears. When he was home all he wanted to do was lay around, watch TV, use the computer, listen to music and eat. He dropped out of school in the 10th grade and has recently begun experimenting with drugs and stealing from me. Currently he's in an in-patient drug rehab still refusing to cooperate with the program. As his Mom I am at my wits ends. I don't know what else to do. He wants to come home but lacks even the most basic of skills to get and keep a job. If this were your son what would you do? Honest, sincere, non-judgemental replies only please. Thank you.

Answer 1

My brothers 37 and still living at home with mom. Don't enable him. Don't make excuses for him. Lay down the law and if he does come back home, set up rules that he has to obey or he's out. However if hes learning disabled it's a tough decision. i think he's using it as a crutch to get what he wants. Good Luck

Answer 2

I recently went through a period where I was depressed, and the activities you said your son wants to do (eat, lay around, watch TV) sounds like how I was. Try talking to him to see how he's feeling about that. Maybe you can convince him to do something about that, like take an anti-depressant, to make him more upbeat. That might lead to him wanting to take care of his other disorders such as his ADHD. However, if I were his mother, I wouldn't allow him back home because of his stealing from you. If he doesn't want to finish his education, then he should at least be responsible and not steal from you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Have you been to a family therapist? The kind where they talk to your son by himself and then you, and than maybe the whole family. Sometimes therapists can help break the communication barriers. Maybe tell him that if he sees a therapist he can live at home. Sometimes these things just take time? Also maybe just sit down your son and talk about things. I know you talk but tell him why it hurts you to see him act this way, and if he comes home are things going to change, tell him how things need to be or else he won't be able to stay. I know it must be hard and I hope things get better

Answer 4

Sometimes the best way to reach people, is to not reach out at all. After your multiple attempts, your son knows that he has your attention, but by not giving him the attention he wants, maybe he will see the light. Also, you have to be strict. If he has a car that you pay for, don't pay for it or the insurance unless he does something else. Tit for tat. And don't give up, just show him that you aren't willing to put up with his attitude any longer.